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THE VERY MAD MADDIVA!!!

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    #16
    THE VERY MAD MADDIVA!!!

    I see alcohol as my worst. I guess I had to get here to realise. It is a natural progression. Oh and by the way don't want to be married until I am clear in my head. I said that as if in the 'ideal world'. I have never been sure why things happen and often ask 'why'? Do you know I fantasised about my mother regretting me leaving when things were intolerable as a child, and then when I met her, her illness was so profound that she could not even remember giving birth to me? So from that all fantasies died. She remembered all the rest just could not remember me. Mind you that is not such a bad thing, - cos hey mother I cannot remember been born to you!!!! I only wanted to explain and what I did not say which is relevant is that I have been addicted to substances from about the age of ten when I went on the search for escapism. Is that not what we all do? I am not that messed up really and when I am rich will open a home for kids from care from the ages of 16-24 for they were my hardest years. The childhood was neither here nor there. Shit happens and it is life. People have had it far worse. I am alive and happy - ish. Many lessons have been learned along the way and that is the point to life - the lessons. may you all find peace in your heart. For I am getting there. regards to all.

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      #17
      THE VERY MAD MADDIVA!!!

      G'day Maddiva. You don't sound messed up at all to me, and you don't have to be rich to open a house for kid's. That's a great idea when you're ready. G.

      'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

      Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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        #18
        THE VERY MAD MADDIVA!!!

        Hey Mads- it must have taken a lot of courage for you to tell your story and I really admire you for that!:thanks:

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          #19
          THE VERY MAD MADDIVA!!!

          Thank you for sharing your painful story Maddie
          You are one tough cookie, and I know that you can beat this Beast. Do you have a plan for going AF? Do you have the MWO book? That is a good place to start. Please let us know how we can help:l
          "Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown)

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            #20
            THE VERY MAD MADDIVA!!!

            HI Maddiva: You are incredibly brave to post your story, I think many of us can write a book on how life has dealt its cards to us. You are brave for helping yourself, and feeling that YOU are worth it, because you are. We can all learn to love ourselves more. I thing that addiction is a form of self abuse and I am learning how to love myself and hate my addictions that are doing NOTHING good for me. Big hug and much love. God bless:h
            "Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance

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              #21
              THE VERY MAD MADDIVA!!!

              Hi Maddiva - I just read your post. You have had some difficult challenges and some traumatic events which I am sure will be with you forever. But you are such a strong person. And I can tell you are a brave, honest, caring person and you deserve all the love in the WORLD! We all suffer from addiction and swans said it so well, we need to learn to love ourselves. I work on it every day. I think I can say I like myself now.... working on the love part. Big hugs to you.:l
              Bridget

              " little by little, we travel far "
              - Tolkein

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                #22
                THE VERY MAD MADDIVA!!!

                Hi Maddiva - I just read your post. You have had some difficult challenges and some traumatic events which I am sure will be with you forever. But you are such a strong person. And I can tell you are a brave, honest, caring person and you deserve all the love in the WORLD! We all suffer from addiction and swans said it so well, we need to learn to love ourselves. I work on it every day. I think I can say I like myself now.... working on the love part. Big hugs to you.
                Bridget

                " little by little, we travel far "
                - Tolkein

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                  #23
                  THE VERY MAD MADDIVA!!!

                  Maddiva, your story has really touched me. I admire your courage and your ability to keep going.

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                    #24
                    THE VERY MAD MADDIVA!!!

                    Dearest Diva

                    You are truly inspiring; after so much hurt and turmoil to stand up yet again and take control. You are a fighter and I see you succeeding all the way. You deserve the picture perfect life - now go out and get it.

                    P.S. No wrinkles at 42???? Pffffhhhh. Must be nice! :H
                    Okay, WHO put a stop payment on my reality check?

                    Winning since October 24th, 2013

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                      #25
                      THE VERY MAD MADDIVA!!!

                      the mad diva,nc thread,gall darn it only 42 ,and youve been to hell and back,where i com from theres an old saying,church people prey not to go to hell,i prey to him ,to tell him ive already been there,crossroads is a fine program,when i was in treatment,some were put into a crossroads forum,,to xplain why they deseve to stay in treatment,to me being in treatment was devistating,but the more i listened,the more i got it,to see 83 wondering souls walking around from day to day,lost,some progressed and some were alot slower,listening is the key,quiet and listen,well your in there take lots of time,as you said the world outside is cruel,just a small story,its a guys story,i met an older fella,70 0r so,nicest guy ive ever met,lost,didnt get it,actually came in close to death,he being a smart man didnt get it,his 1st marriage came to an abrupt stop when he caught his wife fooling around on him,35 years he drowned himself in the sorrow and the ancient thots of what his wife had done,i dont no how he is,i wished him well when i left,but most of all i treasure the thot of meeting him,i like you could go on and on,but all it will show is how others hav hurt us,and how much it still hurts ,i wish you well,gyco

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                        #26
                        THE VERY MAD MADDIVA!!!

                        Oh aren't you lot kind and non judgemental. Thank you each and everyone of you. Must admit I am having psychology now and it is amazing for me. I look at what is written and it seems, yep I am a tough cookie and now I have my special cream courtesy of my sons, I may get to death wrinkle free!!!lol. As well as alcohol free. Gyco thanks for that message, and everyone has a tale to tell. Life makes no one exempt. We all have paths to follow and we live and learn. Look for the beauty.......:h:h

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