Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Its all in the genes!!!

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Its all in the genes!!!

    Hi I now have all the cds, books and supps. I was so glad when I found this site & could relate to many people. So why haven't I finished the book, listened to the tapes and taken the supps? I am a women who turns 50 in september this year, I have 3 children & 3 stepchildren & 6 grandkids who are the light of my life!!!! but now I am afraid of change.........
    I never drank when I was young, my dad was an alcoholic and mum spent all her energy on trying to get dad to stop. He never drank at home but would come home from the pub in a mean mood. He would pick a child (usually me)while we were sitting at the table to disipline (wrong spelling i know). I was a sickly asthmatic who twitched, had bitten nails and generally not something he was proud of. You were not allowed to cry and just had to sit there while he told you his list of faults that you had. I still have trouble letting go to have a good cry. I think I suffered depression all my childhood. I often felt everybody else had a script to follow and I was flying blind, I never could really see the point in life (until I had children that is) He was a control freak & needed to pick on kids to feel better, needless to say I got pregnant at 17 & got married so by the time I was 19 I had 2 children. Meantime dad got sober with AA & I still remember the time he approached me to say sorry (its something AA tells them to do) I was so angry with him for even thinking that I could forgive him!!! I hated him so much. My husband drank socially sometimes too much sometimes not at all but we lived with his parents who drank religously form 3 o'clock everyday, so my mother-in-law would invite me to have a drink with her after I had put the kids to bed. I loved it then but still could take it or leave it. Meanwhile my sister was diagnosed scyserfrnic??? brought on by drinking too much while smoking dope. My baby brother started on dope and then progresses to herion. We lost him from an overdose when he was 24yrs old. I was deverstated and drank solidly for 1 year. I ended up in hospital and quit drinking for a while. When do you pass the point of no return? It seems I got to that point when I started a new job where everybody drank together after work. I have always had trouble making friends and alcohol gave me courage. Meanwhile my marriage broke up, my youngest daughter went to live with her father and so I felt all my worth was gone. I had tied my worth up to how much I was loved by my family and they didn't love me then:x
    Meanwhile after 1 year I met a man (my current husband) he was a wild man & so much fun and very popular so ended up with many friends (not true friends I now know). I didn't notice I had a problem until hubby decided to not drink for a while to get healthy and lose weight. I was beside myself trying to work out ways to get him to drink. I used to drink while cooking by hiding the glass in the laundry cupboard and rushing out to take gulps, I would smuggle a beer in the bathroom and guzzle it down as fast as possible and I would not remember what I did the night before or what I had said except an ugly 3some with his exgirlfriend now that was a night (always remember sexual fantasy are just that!) That is something I would have never ever done except for the poison I regulary take:evil . I have taken risks by refusing to go home when my husband wants to and have stayed out by myself. I am now frightened of me, what I will do, what I could do and also what I have done. I want to change but am frightened of change. My husband has loved me through all of this, I know he wants me to stop but knows I have to work this out for myself. This morning he said he didn't want to hear promises but wanted to see action! I agree so thats why I decided to tell my story today and I will finish the book tonight. I haven't checked the spelling, so please forgive.
    Regards,
    Sharyn from Australia

    #2
    Its all in the genes!!!

    Welcome Sharyn,

    I do agree that genes play a big role in why a lot of us are here. One thing I have noticed lately is that our emotions play a big role too.

    It occured to me one day to list out all of the experiences that I have had that I don't want to deal with or even look at. I really think that I drink to block out those feelings. So I decided to not block them out anymore. My first step was to write "my story", just as you have done, and to identify the moments in my life where i turned to substance in order to escape.

    It really helped me to put it in writting, to see it all in black and white. I hope this has helped you too.

    Thank you for trusting yourself and us enough to share your story.

    I'm sure you will find peace within yourself and be able to tackle this crazy demon we all know.

    --Temple

    Comment


      #3
      Its all in the genes!!!

      Congratulations

      It may seem a strange thing to say but after all you have ben through you need to say to yourself well done for simply still being here. Your husband sounds very supportive which has to be a bonus. It is not going to be easy but you have come through so much that you will come throuh this.

      Comment


        #4
        Its all in the genes!!!

        Sharyn,
        I am really touched by your story. Sometimes parents don't realize what they have in their children until it's too late. If he were living, my son would be your age. He was the pride of my life. So talented with a beautiful voice. Made all state with his voice when in High School. I was very hard on him and expected a lot from him. Without going into a lot of detail, he experimented with all the harmful things that teens do. I didn't like it, and would say hurtful things that I would later regret, like once I said to him, "If this is what you are going to do with your life, I pray that God will take you before you destroy it." Of coarse I didn't mean it, but I was angry and hurt at what he was doing to himself. I wanted to shock him into maybe changing. Some years later, at age 25, he was finally getting things together and we were in the middle of wedding plans for him and his girlfriend when he was killed in an auto accident. That one statement has returned to me again and again. I wish I could take it back. It's been twenty six years and I still miss him so much. This was the wrong order. Parents are supposed to go before their children. You can read the rest of my story in "My Faith and My Way Out". I too am about to start the program, and am scared. I have wasted too much of my life holding a wine glass, filling & refilling it. I feel like I have put myself into a self made prison cell and at long last see being free with this program. I pray that God will give both of us the strength to get in there and stick to it. Eliziby

        Comment


          #5
          Its all in the genes!!!

          An after thought, you told your story on April 14, and are probably already a couple of weeks into the program. If so, how are you doing? Was it as hard as you thought it would be? I have everything but the All One powder and it should come this week. My dread and fear is growing. Eliziby

          Comment


            #6
            Its all in the genes!!!

            Eliziby
            Thanks for you encouragement after reading my story. I feel for you about your son. My brother would have been 40yrs old last year and it has been 16 years since he died and the pain hasn't gone away. I haven't been as good as I wanted to. I have had some sober days but not as many as I would like. I am not as frightened any more as I know I have found some wonderful people for support. I wish you well in your struggle too. Please know your son is in a better place now hopefully hanging out with my brother!! Sharyn

            Comment

            Working...
            X