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Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

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    Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

    Look, I'm a professional who has been working in a series of very responsible jobs for the last 20 years or so. I have never been fired from any job. I take on more responsibility than my colleagues. I have been steadily promoted in all of this time, and have (luckily) been a person sought after in the industry where I am working. My personal life is fine, I married a lovely woman more than 10 years ago, and we've had only one or two disagreements during this time. However, I drink more than anyone I know. I started drinking at around 18 years of age, and my drinking habit is limited strictly to beer. I excersize a few times a week (ice hockey or tennis) and although I'm not the best guy out there on the ice, neither am I the worst (and I'm not the youngest out there, either)...
    I work out of my home but travel frequently, sometimes for 3 or 4 weeks at a time. When I am home, I normally start drinking at around 11:00 in the morning, and will put away about 12 beers before going to bed. When I am traveling I don't drink a drop until the 'job is done' - meaning, that when my specific responsibilities are fulfilled I feel free to hit the beer again. This may be 3:00 in the afternoon or 11:00 at night. While I'm working, I don't feel the need to drink, but after I've finished I'll go for the beer again.
    My wife and friends marvel over the fact that they have rarely ever seen me drunk. I am convinced that they are not just being kind to me, otherwise I don't think I would have remained married or continue to have the same friends. (my wife may have one glass of wine every 2 or 3 days, and for the most part, my friends drink a couple of beers a night).. I have been told by some that they were initialy afraid that I was an alcoholic but have revised their opinion of me as someone who 'just likes beer a lot'.
    The reason I sought this link was pretty much that 1/ I recognize that this amount of alcohol and caloric intake can't be good for my general health (I just turned 43) and 2/ on days where I am not traveling my desire to drink beer overrides my desire to not drink beer. Probably item 2 is a good indicator, but at the end, the beer intake doesn't seem to be affecting my professional or personal life.
    I'd appreciate any and all opinions on this...

    #2
    Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

    This is going to sound awful trite and flip, and I don't mean it that way at all. But it is an awfully old saying around the substance abuse community. If you spend much time worrying if you have a drinking problem...you probably do

    There are all kinds of surveys and tests around, but they seem to boil down to: Is alcohol impacting your health and life? Would you like to drink less than you do, and have trouble making that happen?

    Nobody can really answer those kinds of questions for you but yourself

    For me they are a raging yes!

    Comment


      #3
      Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

      I applaud you for as you say "Not drinking until you get the job done"... but one stressful day you may find that a beer or two may help you get that job done. Relaxes you...makes you think better. Then another day it helps again and again and again. The next thing you know the concern over the 'one too many' drinks in home life gradually spills over into your professional life. I'm talking from my experience and it may not happen to you but the same warning signs are there.
      My problem started like yours and became worse. Wine was my weakness. I found this program last September and have been on it ever since. I had my first drink since Sept in Cancun Mexico last Tues while on vacation. It was a crappy waterdowned beach drink. I should have held out for champagne.

      check out the program.....it works.
      all the best
      CC

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        #4
        Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

        I appreciate the responses.
        In response to Iwanttobelieve: At the expense of sounding like I'm justifying myself (which I suppose I am), I acknowledge the fact that I, and I alone, can make the decision as to whether or not I have a problem. This is a subject that I touch upon from time to time but not obsess upon because, as I stated earlier, it hasn't adversely affected my personal or professional life. Do I wish I drank less? Yes, for the reasons I stated earlier (potential long term health risks in addition to the financial consequences - I spend probably >US $300.00 per month on beer).
        In response to CC Canadian, I also understand that this is a problem that can come sneaking into your professional life. I recognize that if I want to cut back the first step must be to stop altogether for a period of time.
        Herein lies a problem. I don't think I can do it without help. This program sounds like it can possibly be the ticket. However (and maybe this is another justification on my part) the bit about needing to take prescription medicine raises some concerns with me. I don't work for a company that provides group life insurance. I recently applied for private life insurance, and all companies insisted that they have access to my health records from my personal physician. There were very explicit questions on the forms about drug and alcohol use. If I speak honestly with my doctor about my alcohol use, or in order to get a prescription for the drugs recommended in this program, the information will now be available for the insurance companies who may then use it as an excuse to negate any claims should I happen to pass away.
        Maybe I'm being paranoid about this aspect, please let me know.

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          #5
          Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

          Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you!

          Privacy is a really big issue for me, too. My husband and I are both doing this program and we went offshore for the topa just because we don't want to get the insurance company and our employer involved. Now I'm wavering on that, because topa for 2 as we titrate up ain't cheap. But then again, see my sig....

          D

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            #6
            Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

            wpyran,

            I did end up going to my doctor about the issue, and she would not give me Topamax, but game me Campral. Really does not help me. I have now gone off-shore to order Topamax, and it is doing the trick. Wish I had done that to start with, because like you say, it is now on my permanent medical record. My husband has a good life insurance policy and is very financially stable, so I am not too worried about it, but I might be if I was a man.

            Also, about the amount you drink and your ability to be able to function normally and proffesionally, I was that way for about ten years as well. I had/ have my own business, and even my closest friends do not know I have any type of a drinking problem. My husband did not even think I did -- just like you, he just thought I really liked wine and that I had a higher tolerance level than most since I drank it every night rather than just socially. But deep inside, I wondered if I could just "stop" and be happy without it. I knew the answer.

            Then due to a major move and my oldest son leaving home after graduation last Spring, I became very depressed and lonely, and my drinking escalated. My husband started travelling more, which made me able to hide the increased amount. It was then that I realized over those next months that it was really turning into a problem, and I found my way to this website. But I think you CAN carry on a basically normal life and drink that much, but I think if anything major stressful happens in your life, it will be the first crutch you turn too, and could go from what it is now, to a major problem in a short amount of time.

            Maybe you could start by just setting goals to really cut back your amount.

            Best of luck!
            Allie

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              #7
              Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

              Thanks for the comments. My 'controlling factor' has always been to immerse myself in work, so that I wouldn't think about having a drink. However, during slow times, I always think "I've got nothing better to do, why not open a beer?" I will have to learn to cut back and I hope this program can help me out. Thanks for your support.

              Comment


                #8
                Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

                do i have a problem

                Good luck, I can relate to your situation and I drink (don't yet feel I can use past tense) a similar amount to you. All signs indicate an issue to be dealt with - certainly health must be affected with the amount we drink (liver / heart etc) but also I too have work to 'interupt things - but what if- no need to work for a while - injury (leg break whilst skating?)periods of leave, work dries up, then surely drinking will increase. What I am saying is that it is a high risk strategy.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

                  Hi Wpyran,
                  I am with Allie on this one completely!!! I was quite functional for a very long time. Then my husband almost died (long recovery period!) and the children hit adolecents, business went down the tubes. Too Much, too fast!!!! I had no idea what had happened to my habbit until it was too late!!! I think it is great you are asking these questions honestly, because that is one thing I never did until this past week ( about five yrs too late). I am knew here, and have not begun the program yet, but am looking forward to doing so!
                  Best of luck!!!

                  Donna

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

                    Hi all, thanks for your comments. I suppose I knew the answer to the questions before I even asked them, but you all seem to know very well how attached one becomes to alcohol. How can you say 'see you later' to a friend who has been a constant companion for so many years?
                    I have started to make the first 'baby steps' in trying to control this, I downloaded the book and have read it. My next step is to get the supplements, CD's, topamax etc. I'm not thrilled about the idea of being a 'slave' to drugs (I rarely even take asprin - until now alcohol has been enough) but having to choose which drugs to take I suppose that the drug that controls my alcohol intake is preferable to the alcohol drug itself. Of course any reasonable person knows the advantages to cutting back greatly outweighs the disadvantages (of which there are none), but taking the first step is not a trivial thing.

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                      #11
                      Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

                      wpryen,
                      I agree 100%, as I am sure others will agree, the first step is not trivial at all!! I too am just taking it! You are showing amazing strength!! Keep it up!!

                      Donna

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                        #12
                        Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

                        Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

                        Hi Donna,
                        Thanks for the response. I smoked for 6 years between the ages of 17 and 22. I was also drinking during this time, although my habit wasn't as advanced as it later became. I remember that I quit for two reasons: 1/ I felt that I was a 'slave' to the cigaretts, a feeling that I didn't like, and 2/ I was into sports and felt like I was 'handicapped' - meaning, that I always had one hand occupied with the cigarette. It's kind of hard playing basketball (or any other sport) with only one hand... Quitting smoking wasn't all that hard for me because I made up my mind I didn't want to do it after all. This may have actually contributed to my drinking habit, however. The hand that was always busy bringing a cigarette to my mouth now needed something else to do, and beer was a wonderful substitute! I wonder what others do to fill this void.
                        I'm looking forward to starting the program. The upside of the program (having a healthier liver, cardiovascular system, more money in the bank, control over my life, loss of weight) vastly outweigh the downside (loss of my constant companion for the last 20-something years). I am currently on an extended business trip and will return home next week, after about 30 days of travel. If things go according to my 'plan', I will start the program concurrently with a new job. I hope that the withdrawl symptoms will not adversly affect my new position...

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

                          At this very second in time, I feel that I could die!!! I spent a good half hour on the phone with my therapist, but I feel like @@IT!! I don't know what to do!!! I know this does not help you, and I am sorry! I am just so sad!!!! I know about the smoking though, I quit for ten long yrs. I am backat it though.....go figure. I just feel lost!!! But I can say that I feel better having found this space!! I hope you do as well.

                          Donna

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

                            Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

                            What happened???

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Do I really have a problem or am I in denial?

                              Life Happened....Again!!!!

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