Hello. It's around 4:30am and I can't sleep because I'm not quite drunk enough yet. Drinking is becoming an increasing problem in my life, and I know it's a problem. I'm 26 years old and I feel like an old man... constantly exhausted, constantly battling a cold, constantly feeling sore, constantly invisioning drinking enough that I can drift off into nothingness. But it wasn't always this way.
I grew up the last child in a devout Catholic family. We never had much, but I always had love and support from my family. In my early years, I excelled in sports and academics, but had a difficult time making friends. Around my sophomore year of high school, I decided to become my own person and I got into music. I taught myself to play an instrument and joined a band. By my senior year of high school, I was having the best time of my life... playing music, expressing myself, and breaking free from the mold that I thought I was cast in.
Around the same time, I stopped attending church and told my family that I did not believe in God. They took it very hard, but I couldn't lie to myself any longer. During this time, I also started to drink a bit. I never drank socially, because I was not one to go to parties (nor would I even be allowed to go to them). I would drink in my room alone late at night (a trend that continues). I would also smoke marijuana each night. This escalated into a bigger drug problem in college.
Though I'm not on any illegal drugs currently, nor do I crave them, alcohol is the one thing I cannot kick.
After a D.U.I. in college and a series of terrible fights with my then-girlfriend, I attended some A.A. meetings. I had trouble with them, because I do not believe in God or a higher power, but the meetings kept me honest, and low and behold my last trimester of college I was completely sober. I made it around 4-5 months.
One night the summer after I graduated, I went out with an old college friend of mine. We went to some sort of a festival. He left me with his friend (who I didn't really know) to look for his girlfriend. Confronted with bordom, he suggested we hit the beer tent. At first I was reluctant, but I figured that I had the problem licked. I was wrong. The minute that cheap carnival beer hit my tongue, I started a binge that lasts to this day, almost 5 years later.
I need to find help soon, because if I don't alcohol will kill me one way or another. I currently work 70+ hours per week just to stay out of foreclosure, so going away to some treatment center for 3 months is not an option. I'm wondering if there is some sort of drug or support group (specifically for Athiests) that I can join. I cannot do this on my own and I have nobody to help me. I cannot go to my family for help on this one (trust me), and the woman that I thought I was going to marry left me about 5 months ago. My friends ALL drink heavily and have all heard me say "I'm done drinking" time and time again, only to catch me at the bar after a few days or weeks of being sober. I've cried "wolf" too many times. I need something more.
Please help me.
I grew up the last child in a devout Catholic family. We never had much, but I always had love and support from my family. In my early years, I excelled in sports and academics, but had a difficult time making friends. Around my sophomore year of high school, I decided to become my own person and I got into music. I taught myself to play an instrument and joined a band. By my senior year of high school, I was having the best time of my life... playing music, expressing myself, and breaking free from the mold that I thought I was cast in.
Around the same time, I stopped attending church and told my family that I did not believe in God. They took it very hard, but I couldn't lie to myself any longer. During this time, I also started to drink a bit. I never drank socially, because I was not one to go to parties (nor would I even be allowed to go to them). I would drink in my room alone late at night (a trend that continues). I would also smoke marijuana each night. This escalated into a bigger drug problem in college.
Though I'm not on any illegal drugs currently, nor do I crave them, alcohol is the one thing I cannot kick.
After a D.U.I. in college and a series of terrible fights with my then-girlfriend, I attended some A.A. meetings. I had trouble with them, because I do not believe in God or a higher power, but the meetings kept me honest, and low and behold my last trimester of college I was completely sober. I made it around 4-5 months.
One night the summer after I graduated, I went out with an old college friend of mine. We went to some sort of a festival. He left me with his friend (who I didn't really know) to look for his girlfriend. Confronted with bordom, he suggested we hit the beer tent. At first I was reluctant, but I figured that I had the problem licked. I was wrong. The minute that cheap carnival beer hit my tongue, I started a binge that lasts to this day, almost 5 years later.
I need to find help soon, because if I don't alcohol will kill me one way or another. I currently work 70+ hours per week just to stay out of foreclosure, so going away to some treatment center for 3 months is not an option. I'm wondering if there is some sort of drug or support group (specifically for Athiests) that I can join. I cannot do this on my own and I have nobody to help me. I cannot go to my family for help on this one (trust me), and the woman that I thought I was going to marry left me about 5 months ago. My friends ALL drink heavily and have all heard me say "I'm done drinking" time and time again, only to catch me at the bar after a few days or weeks of being sober. I've cried "wolf" too many times. I need something more.
Please help me.
Loud, theirs plenty of room (even though it does'nt look like it Ha!) on our "big Comfy Couch"; find a spot ! IAD
?We are one another's angels? 
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake,
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