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    I'm a private person but...

    I have taken advantage of your stories which have helped tremendously so I thought it appropriate to contribute.
    I rarely drank in my early twenties - including not too much partying in college. Met my husband to be whose family enjoys cocktail hour; my father was a "controlled" alcoholic with some bad episodes and my mother didn't drink so it was not a "family thing" -- my in-laws have a giant bar in their family room. We'd get hammered at weddings and thought it was ok. Things started going downhill in my late 30's- difficult mother relationship and already a tough one with my father which continued to get worse. My husband didn't want children and flatly refused to discuss it. He is a wonderful guy and we have a lot in common -- still best friends...but the things that are complementary about us are really polarized. Long story short, there were a lot of issues building, causing friction and his way of coping is to stick his head in the sand and because I want to deal with them... it was a lot like being ignored, rejected... which was a lot like how it felt growing up in my household. I began to go out with friends and have 3-4 glasses of wine -- we'd start with a bottle just because we knew we want that and probably more. I think this was to avoid going home and being ignored. I have... had... a stressful job (bad boss, mostly unfulfilling assignments) and pretty much everything on all fronts just sucked. Things really kicked into high gear when (I'll make this short but it's a story that went on for three years) my mother's dementia got to the point something had to be done.... my brother had her living on her $600 social security and only supplemented with a $100 monthly draw on a reverse mortgage (He had power of attorney). She was living like a pauper and often didn't have enough money for food... plus she really couldn't care for herself... his answer was to have a senior service come in twice a month to check on her...Net/net, it became clear he was trying to keep equity in her home for inheritance. After my third visit (we both live far away from her), it was clear she had easily moved into Stage 4 so I hired an attorney who essentially took custody away from my brother and with a professional guardian in place was able to place her in a great place where she's well cared for. Obviously the house was sold and needless to say she was venemous with me.... That's when I really started drinking and got a DUI when I drank too much while on my anti-depressent. Thrown in jail overnight - not a pleasant experience. But didn't stop - essentially got fired from my job for being negative and combative (which I now understand are behaviors of an advancing alcoholic). My husband is also private and doesn't believe in rehab so I was pretty much told to buck up, grow up and start being responsible... the problem was the things I asked from him weren't delivered on... he continued his behavior so why shouldn't I? Crazy destructive. I fell drunk in the front yard once and passed out while gardening once... no doubt the neighborhood got a lot of fodder for the gossip circle. The drinking has been escalating and I realized I would die early if I didn't stop... In my last physical, I had a slightly enlarged liver... which I'm sure is worse a year and half later. I have an uncomfortable feeling under my right ribcage and I'm scared to death it's something serious. However, every doctor I've been to has lectured me and made me feel like a criminal so I'm going to do this program and straighten myself out before my next physical and then guage the damage. I have high hopes for the program -- my husband is also facing up to the fact he's got to change his interactions with me -- he never has showed any anger until today and actually that helped me as I thought he just didn't care what I did. I started all the classics behaviors in the past year - hiding bottles, sneaking off to the store to buy wine when just a few days earlier I promised to quit, I have blackouts, sleep a lot and have gained roughly 60 lbs (20 of which I've lost over my various programs so I'm a bit ahead here).
    Anyway, long "My Story" but getting to this place has taken a long time.

    #2
    I'm a private person but...

    Thank you Daisy Mae for sharing your story. In doing so, I hope you feel strength and hope for your future. You helped so many here by opening up. I applaud you for your courage. I've had my share of embarrassing experiences w/ the neighbors as well. Can relate greatly! Hope you are having an ok day...one day at a time....and will stick around. Gina

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      #3
      I'm a private person but...

      I'm a private person but...

      Daisy Mae-

      Wow-- what a difficult time you've had. My heart goes out to you. This program is definitely a great place to begin. Is there someone in your life who is REALLY supportive of you and knows (or you could tell) about your drinking problem? If there isn't, I bet spending a lot of time on this site would help.

      It is crazy how one day wine is a nice tasting addition to the evening and the next you are passed out in your garden. I passed out in mine- but it was dark and I live in a rural area so it was only me and my husband who were mortified.

      We all have to start somewhere, right? Anything is better then how we feel the day after one (or 2 or 3) too many.

      I have been able to not drink my usual 3-5 drinks every night of the week for 4 days now. I feel really committed. I don't think it?s as easy as RJ/Brenda found it to be in the book. I really like drinking beer especially and I miss it. What I like more, however, is knowing that I have the control over my life not a stupid bottle of beer or wine or my unfortunate genetic makeup.

      Do you have a doctor you can trust? It might be really helpful to have some liver function tests- you do only have one and you REALLY need it. It might also be a HUGE motivator for getting started.

      Thanks for sharing your story-- you are very brave. I wish you all the luck in the world

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        #4
        I'm a private person but...

        Hey Daisy,
        I didn't pass out in my gaurden mostly because I do not have a green tumb. The place I passed out was the garage, mostly because that is where I smoke and drink. It was a school night, and thankfully My husband found me before the children got up. I have not started the program yet, but am looking very forward to doing so!!! I have been on the sight, ordered the book and cd's. I was able to get the sups from a local store, and made an apointment with my MD. Have you checked out the nutrition page...it explains a lot. I am new here, but if you go into the "General Discussion Room" and pose a question you have, it could be answered!! Welcome aboard Daisy! We are not meant for the garden or the garage!!! We are meant for life!! email me any time to talk!!!
        Donna

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