Hello! I'm new to this post, and actually, new to revealing my "secret". It was very encouraging to read a few of the posts about their alcohol use. That's what I was looking for, to hear other peoples stories so it would make me feel 'welcome' in this environment.
I've know I had a problem for probably the past 10 years, but was always able to keep it under control. Then, I found vodka, and I found the perfect vehicle to indulge my alcoholic desires; it has no smell, comes in easy to hide containers, few good shots and you are in "happyland"...the perfect drink. I had always contained my drinking to the weekends, and it was either a Fri or Sat night that I would get blitzed, not both (because before vodka, I'd wake up feeling like poop). Vodka changed all that. I began drinking a 1/2 pint and it would get me where I wanted...then it wasn't enough. So I increased to 1 pint, on Fri, and on Sat. I'm not too sure when, but during my love with vodka, I would start to blackout. The earlier times when I remembered that I 'couldn't remember' scared me. But, I never saw any repercutions so all was good. Then weekends drifted into weekdays. I should mention, noone knows of my sickness. My significant other, who I've lived with for several years, has no clue. I've told him that I suffer from a metobolic imbalance from not eating right. And, as some kind of lucky curse, I have a confirmed diagnosis from the Dr's about my low blood level, anemic, low potassium etc. and I show him the medical write ups to support my "claims". What that means is that I have a free ticket to get absolutely trashed, and he can pin it on the fact that I hadn't eaten correctly that day. Yup, I take any avenue I can and will exploit it. I have tried professional help, but havent found anyone that I feel comfortable with, so I'm doing my own rehab type treatment. I think this site is fantastic, and the helpful folks on here are just amazing. I'm currently able to go 1-2 days w/o drinking. And if I drink during the week, I do monitor it so I don't blackout, but weekends....crap~! Anyway, I've ordered the Topamax on-line because I've read good things about it on this site, but are concerned about ordering it on-line (went thru River Pharm).
anyway, I know I have a serious problem, and it's so very helpful to hear the other stories about folks alcohol abuse. It's just so nice to know I'm not the only one who a) drinks during the week and b) drinks to blackout stage.
But it would be very helpful to hear how others have dealt with being the "good girl" and having noone know your secret, but yet were able to over come. The 'professionals' that I have gone to have always said I should essentially 'fess up', and well, no, can't do that. The shame of this addiction is too much - can't shatter that image that people hve of me.
Thank you to everyone who does reply. I've hidden for so long, never admitted to anyone, but now realize that I'm almost one step away from needing rehab.
Oh by the way, I should also mention, that since I switched to vodka I don't have really any hangovers - which is why I probably have developed this every two day drinking eposoide. It's another 'free pass' for me that I exploit.
I've know I had a problem for probably the past 10 years, but was always able to keep it under control. Then, I found vodka, and I found the perfect vehicle to indulge my alcoholic desires; it has no smell, comes in easy to hide containers, few good shots and you are in "happyland"...the perfect drink. I had always contained my drinking to the weekends, and it was either a Fri or Sat night that I would get blitzed, not both (because before vodka, I'd wake up feeling like poop). Vodka changed all that. I began drinking a 1/2 pint and it would get me where I wanted...then it wasn't enough. So I increased to 1 pint, on Fri, and on Sat. I'm not too sure when, but during my love with vodka, I would start to blackout. The earlier times when I remembered that I 'couldn't remember' scared me. But, I never saw any repercutions so all was good. Then weekends drifted into weekdays. I should mention, noone knows of my sickness. My significant other, who I've lived with for several years, has no clue. I've told him that I suffer from a metobolic imbalance from not eating right. And, as some kind of lucky curse, I have a confirmed diagnosis from the Dr's about my low blood level, anemic, low potassium etc. and I show him the medical write ups to support my "claims". What that means is that I have a free ticket to get absolutely trashed, and he can pin it on the fact that I hadn't eaten correctly that day. Yup, I take any avenue I can and will exploit it. I have tried professional help, but havent found anyone that I feel comfortable with, so I'm doing my own rehab type treatment. I think this site is fantastic, and the helpful folks on here are just amazing. I'm currently able to go 1-2 days w/o drinking. And if I drink during the week, I do monitor it so I don't blackout, but weekends....crap~! Anyway, I've ordered the Topamax on-line because I've read good things about it on this site, but are concerned about ordering it on-line (went thru River Pharm).
anyway, I know I have a serious problem, and it's so very helpful to hear the other stories about folks alcohol abuse. It's just so nice to know I'm not the only one who a) drinks during the week and b) drinks to blackout stage.
But it would be very helpful to hear how others have dealt with being the "good girl" and having noone know your secret, but yet were able to over come. The 'professionals' that I have gone to have always said I should essentially 'fess up', and well, no, can't do that. The shame of this addiction is too much - can't shatter that image that people hve of me.
Thank you to everyone who does reply. I've hidden for so long, never admitted to anyone, but now realize that I'm almost one step away from needing rehab.
Oh by the way, I should also mention, that since I switched to vodka I don't have really any hangovers - which is why I probably have developed this every two day drinking eposoide. It's another 'free pass' for me that I exploit.
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