Today is my Birthday 46.... Whooray. I just got off work. I work the night shift. I made my debut here about one year ago. At that time, I achieved 53 days AF.
Since then, 53 days seems like another lifetime. At the 53 day mark, I simply gave in... I cowarded to the everyday stress of life. What is wrong with me?
It is so easy to stay sober when I work. I work three 12 hour night shift's a week. I am a Nurse and take my job very, very seriously. I am often considered a "snob" at work. I do not make idle conversation and I have only a select group of co-workers that I will actually talk too..... but if a call light goes off, or a patient needs something, I will try to address those needs. Sometimes all I can do is offer an extra pillow, but that is not the point....
...or maybe it is. I have been told I am way too serious, I do not "relax" (while at work) Believe me, I have no trouble relaxing when I am at home.... nothing old AL can't take care of and that is what I do. I feel like I have to be so on top of things as a Nurse. So when I am home, I deserve to let AL numb my seriousness...
It is not just about me being a Nurse. I struggled with my then 16 year daughter who was addicted to Meth with all the behaviours of a Meth addict ( she was arrested and in jail, in solitary confinment for one week) I wanted so desperately to bail her out, my ex-husband insisted we let her stay. I agreed, until I was informed they were sending her to county jail. When I went to visit her, via TV, she couldn't see ME, but I could see HER. I could see her on the TV walking around so desperately trying to find me....
Long story short, I did bail her out before her transfer to county jail. Currently, she is completing her Associate Degree at the local JC College and is on her way to Cal State Northridge in September 2009. She is awesome and I am very proud of her because she has beaten her addiction........ unlike her mom. She is now 22 and on her way. I pray daily that she does not go there again..
There is also another 21 year old daughter and an 18 year old son. They are feisty, but seem to have control. I do not care for my 21 year old daughter's boyfriend, but I am trying to be accepting... my son wishes to enlist in the Military come his graduation in June 2009....
I've read so many post's and my heart breaks. I feel like I know that pain, I know that anxiety, I know that overwhelming power that makes one do things we wish not to do...
I simply do not know what to do..... I cannot overtake that "power" of AL, please help me
Since then, 53 days seems like another lifetime. At the 53 day mark, I simply gave in... I cowarded to the everyday stress of life. What is wrong with me?
It is so easy to stay sober when I work. I work three 12 hour night shift's a week. I am a Nurse and take my job very, very seriously. I am often considered a "snob" at work. I do not make idle conversation and I have only a select group of co-workers that I will actually talk too..... but if a call light goes off, or a patient needs something, I will try to address those needs. Sometimes all I can do is offer an extra pillow, but that is not the point....
...or maybe it is. I have been told I am way too serious, I do not "relax" (while at work) Believe me, I have no trouble relaxing when I am at home.... nothing old AL can't take care of and that is what I do. I feel like I have to be so on top of things as a Nurse. So when I am home, I deserve to let AL numb my seriousness...
It is not just about me being a Nurse. I struggled with my then 16 year daughter who was addicted to Meth with all the behaviours of a Meth addict ( she was arrested and in jail, in solitary confinment for one week) I wanted so desperately to bail her out, my ex-husband insisted we let her stay. I agreed, until I was informed they were sending her to county jail. When I went to visit her, via TV, she couldn't see ME, but I could see HER. I could see her on the TV walking around so desperately trying to find me....
Long story short, I did bail her out before her transfer to county jail. Currently, she is completing her Associate Degree at the local JC College and is on her way to Cal State Northridge in September 2009. She is awesome and I am very proud of her because she has beaten her addiction........ unlike her mom. She is now 22 and on her way. I pray daily that she does not go there again..
There is also another 21 year old daughter and an 18 year old son. They are feisty, but seem to have control. I do not care for my 21 year old daughter's boyfriend, but I am trying to be accepting... my son wishes to enlist in the Military come his graduation in June 2009....
I've read so many post's and my heart breaks. I feel like I know that pain, I know that anxiety, I know that overwhelming power that makes one do things we wish not to do...
I simply do not know what to do..... I cannot overtake that "power" of AL, please help me
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