Alright.. the whole kid 'n kaboodle

[sunshine_gg]

I've been trying really hard to think back... to WHEN exactly AL became a factor in my life - and oh my, I think it was at a very young age. Not, that I didn't like my aunt/godmother but there was always a cherry liquor there as well.

I can NOT pin point the day/month/year.. but .. I always knew (even though OFFICAILLY I probably didn't know about my dad's drinking problem yet) that I had an addictive personality. Kinda funny, ain't it? I never even smoked a joint in my life because I was SO afraid that it might lead me elsewhere.

And yet.. forward 30 years... here I am.

My first REAL battle with AL was 10 years ago. Marriage fell apart, obviously ex-asshole was NOT in the picture in any type, shape, or way.. and I was going to raise my kids on my own. What probably saved me at that time was the gym. I was running a home daycare at the time - so little to no interaction with adults (and you can't yell at little kids) - so I really NEEDED an outlet. Anything. The gym was my choice, I guess. And it worked.

A couple years later I get into another relationship - good for the kids, comfortable, but I'm not in love.... plus, he has no income (or desire to make one). I tried for 3 years to end that relationship - finally got there in year 7. How, do you ask? By drinking. His ex was an alcoholic and he hated it. So, in the end, THAT'S what I did. Drink to piss him off. Enough to leave.

The irony? I'm a drunk now.
I have a new relationship now (quite new). With a fabulous being. With everything in my reach. And yet... if I don't smarten up, I may lose it all.

I AM STRUGGLING. Big time. Every day. And, I hate it.

Thanks for listening/reading.

[Waiting for his way out]

Alright.. the whole kid 'n kaboodle

Hey, gg
My husband has often admitted he tried everything to push me away, as hard as he could with lots of AL, words and actions.
all i can say is that you were successful at pushing the one you did not want, then you can be successful at keeping the one you want. Back to the gym

[kaponium]

Alright.. the whole kid 'n kaboodle

God, sun-gg- I relate HEAPS to your story - ESPECIALLY with regard to trying to end relationships by drinking....WOW - I have done that in three relationships, when saying I wanted out or just being a bitch WASN'T enough I would turn heavily to drink to be told "you drink FAR too much - It's me or the alcohol" and I would unhesitatingly and relieved-ly show the poor sod the door.

I, too have a "fabulous being" - as you so beautifully put it - in my life today. Thank you for sharing your story, was a concise and down-to-earth read that I relate to. Look forward to knowing you.

MWO is just awesome in that we are helped ourselves by helping each other.

Bless you!