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    Here it goes . . .

    I have decided to take this program seriously. Part of it I think is unloading my story. I will be very honest and not hide the things that I do from the world.

    I am 34, married to an awesome husband and have the two greatest kids on earth. I have a great job, live in a great house and neighborhood. I also, have an awesome drinking problem. I know that I am aloholic--but prefer to call myself a problem drinker. Seems more fitting--I drink=problems.

    Started drinking when I was 16. Even though the problem was not as pronounced as it is now--I look back and just know. I have always been this way. A little is great-more is even better.

    Overdrank at parties and stuff, but did not make it a lifestyle until I was on my own out of college. I lived by myself had an alcoholic boyfriend and the drinking just ensued.

    Somehow managed to drink yet be successful in my job and have progressed to having a great job with great money. Still have the job and feel very luckly that I have been able to "pull it off".

    Got married at 25. Not to alcholic boyfriend. Funny because growing up my Dad was so much me man-you woman, I never wanted to get married or have children. Married my husband, but still did not want children. I mean afterall I could barely take care of myself. Then I got pregnant. I even considered abortion and hated every moment of being pregnant and what it meant--that now I would have to be responsible. I remember prayng for a miscarriage. I hate myself for this. Because now my 5 year old is the light of my life.

    Because of my great job we were able to have my husband stay home with the baby--and still to this day his proudest career move is being a stay at home Dad. Great, but allowed me to drink like a fish. This continued until getting pregnant with my second son. Did not drink in that pregrancy. This time I was happy to be having another child because now I understood what a miracle children are. I do want to add that in my sick brain I continued to smoke in both pregnanices. The guilt is awful even though both boys are fine.

    Quit drinking on 1/25/2004. Went to AA-loved it and it kept me sober for 11 months. I was so close to a year! But a woman in our group relapsed and I saw how everyone just turned on her and I left.

    In the last year--I would drink very little--but it progressed. I now think about my next drink everyday. I sometimes drink too much and call in sick to work. I know that I am not being the best mom or wife that I could be. Lets face it--I am just not doing the best that I can. I know better.

    My worst fault when I am drunk is calling every last person I ever met on the phone. They know that I am drunk and are disgusted with me. I have hidden my address book at work so that when I am home drunk I can't call certain friends. But yet I will think "who can I call" and look them up on the internet in the white pages, get a number and call.

    Hit all time low last night when I called an old boyfriend (the alcoholic one)-who by the way just got of jail--told him about my kids and husband. He said that he wished he was my husband. My response was "are you delusional?" we used to get drunk and beat the crap out of each other. I just feel like crap about even calling him. Why did I do it--I was drunk. Now I realize he could call my husband or worse my parents.

    This was my bottom on phone calls. Why when I get drunk do I think everyone needs to hear from me?

    I am drinking tonight. But I am hoping to get on board with the CD's (which I have), the nutrition and exercising. Ordered meds--an will white knuckle it until they get here.

    Love to hear from anyone in the same boat. And if you got this far--thanks for reading-but this really was for me. Had to get it out.

    #2
    Here it goes . . .

    Hello Disovery,

    I think you'll find that writing your story on this board may just become the best thing you ever did.. When I told mine, it was actually the first time I openly admitted my problem to anyone.

    Oh, how I remember the dreaded phone thing. Waking up the next day knowing that you rang someone but not remembering whom or what you said or organised or bought. Ringing old lovers, heaven knows why. And the torture and guilt and self-loathing, the only remedy for which was to drink all over again because it made you feel better.

    I can so imagine how you feel today. It won't be good. I actually feel quite sick. My heart goes out to you.

    I'm slowly working my way through all the posts on this site and, without fail, I see myself in just about every story. And that's strangely comforting ... I'm not alone. Just how many thousands of us are there out there?

    I'm on day 14 and still in the wading pool but I'm doing well. I HAVE to succeed. I have to succeed for me and you and all the others because this hell hole just has to be plugged.

    Thank you so much for unloading. I really believe it's the start. Welcome.

    Comment


      #3
      Here it goes . . .

      phone calls

      gee I've never done that!!
      Actually, about 4 yrs ago, I had a DUI, & had to have a breathalizer in my truck, in order to start it. (Boy do I miss that little unit!) What a pain in the gear shift!!
      Anyhoooo...I heard this comedean on TV, one nite talking about calling friends late @ nite ... & referring to this breathalizer unit,.... he says...."I need one of those things for my phone!" Anyone relate?
      Actually, one nite, waiting tables, I had a group of people who had cocktails & had also ordered a bottle of wine. I asked if I should pour the wine or wait, & one woman said "go for it I'm a 2 fisted drinker".
      In responce I said "Good "I need a designated drinker, cause' I've gotta blow in my truck to start it".(I told them I had the most satisfied truck in the county, gets more attention than my Husband!) A bit later, taking their order, I got all the way around the table, to the last guy. When I asked if he Knew what he'd like he said, "I'd like to be your'e truck!"
      Guess you had to be there... but it was pretty funny! Oh the joys of slingin hash! And you can get paid good $ for it too !! Kinda miss it . But I think I'll be doing it again soon, I miss pickin on people!
      Amazing what you can get away with, w/ a smile & a little charm!
      PS We're home ! No more traffic! Yah!
      Hugs & Prayers Judie

      Comment


        #4
        Here it goes . . .

        Re: phone calls

        Oh discovery, I so relate to your story! Enjoyed reading it. You are so honest. I just ordered supps off this site. Having a hard time lately. I just uploaded the hypno cd's on my ipod(FINALLY). I need to follow this program closely from now on, not just rely on Campral. Judie, welcome home!! You are SO funny! Yes, I need to invent a breathalyzer for all my phones! I'm sure we could sell tons!! My friend has a device on her car. It's fun carrying on conversations with her while she is driving...it's always "Wait a minute....gotta blow again...woohoo!!" Thanks for sharing your story Discovery!!! Gina

        Comment


          #5
          Here it goes . . .

          Re: phone calls

          Discovery,

          I'm with Gina, I enjoyed reading your story and what's with us when we are drinking & making those phone calls? Yep, that's me too, I made a few too many drunk phone calls to my family and close friends -- they would tell me about stuff I couldn't remember saying, or maybe just bits & pieces. I didn't need to hide any phone books, just the friggin phone!

          Well I think if you jump in with both feet and take this program seriously, you'll be surprised at the great results you're gonna get. You've probably read how it's a little different for everyone, so be sure to make it work for you. Anyway, glad to hear you are getting started -- Don't look back!

          Gracie

          Comment


            #6
            Here it goes . . .

            Re: phone calls

            Hi discovery, have enjoyed "chatting" with you and am so grateful that you shared your story. You have encouraged me to share mine, which I will have to build up to. It is a great unloading, I am sure, but part of the healing process.

            Thank you for the honesty which so embodies this site and for being among the the wonderful new friends I've met and giving some of the support I've received.

            I was driving from a doctor's appointment this afternoon and caught myself thinking about you all and stuff we "chatted" about . . . you all are becoming that much a part of my life!! Is this great or what . . .

            Gratefully,
            Ter

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