Hoping for a new day

[veritas]

Hoping for a new day

Just returned from the doctor. She does not want to put me onto antebuse. She said that if I am self medicating possible anxiety, she wants to deal with that. I tried explaining about the little voice that I have to fight all the time and I want to keep the voice quiet.

She's given me slow release Zanor to try, but has agreed that if I don't like it, that she will give me Topamax. Well that's a step in the right direction.

As for the mole, she is not happy with it and I am having it removed on Wednesday. The good news is that if it's malignant, it probably at a very early stage.

[Guitarista]

Hoping for a new day

Hi there Veritas. I hope there are no complications with the mole thing. All the best with the meds stuff too. Take care,............G.

[veritas]

Hoping for a new day

It's strange, I am more concerned about my attempt at sobriety, than I am about a possible malignancy. Maybe it's the realisation that I have reached a point where I am running out of chances.

[veritas]

Hoping for a new day

Went to have my mole removed today. It took longer than I thought it would. It was rather deep and the doctor was very concerned about removing the whole thing.
Afterwards I was shaking like a leaf. I was surprised how delicate I felt. Nearly went through a red robot on my way home.

I am fighting this little thought, "you deserve a drink, that was more scary than you thought it would be".
I have just had some L-glutamine and hope that the feeling will go away.

I need to go and pay my telephone account and it's right next door to the bottle store.

[A Work in Progress]

Hoping for a new day

V., the feeling will go away... that's a guarantee! ... so long as you don't give in to it. ALL thoughts and impulses go away, if you don't feed into them and don't give in to them. You are MUCH stronger than they are!

[Evie.Lou]

Hoping for a new day

veritas;515678 wrote: It's strange, I am more concerned about my attempt at sobriety, than I am about a possible malignancy. Maybe it's the realisation that I have reached a point where I am running out of chances.

You are such a Brave soul, and I get it...If it is early Cancer, they can cut the cancer out...no such surgery to remove Alcoholism.
I pray that she will give you Topa...it helped me. I still have some Topa, and other Meds that i bought thru Riverpharmacy. I will run to them if I feel myself about to slip. They seem like friends that I can call on in times that I am weak..I will be PRAYING for your highest and BEST.PM me if I can help.

[veritas]

Hoping for a new day

Made it
Went into pay my account and walked out again without to much trouble. For one brief moment, I saw myself with a half bottle of wine, but I managed to vision the headache that would follow.

I do think that the L-Glut plays a role. I am so impressed with it's effects.

[mikeone]

Hoping for a new day

Toxic evenings

New Day;496711 wrote:
I know in the mornings, I'm all inspired to be AF and it seems easy until I get to the late afternoon/evening. I'm sitting here now with the computer on my lap, reading through posts just to keep me from getting up to pour a drink. Hopefully I can fight off the urge because I want to feel this energy tomorrow...... as long as I can get some sleep.

I, and I'm sure lots of others with AL problems, are triggered by the sun setting. Evenings are my curse. At about 5 pm, I have a glass of wine. No effect. I have another. Slight glow. What the heck, might as well have a few more. By 9 pm, I'm sound asleep snoring (so my wife tells me) in bed--yet wake up amazingly refreshed at 7 am next morning. Not the least bit hung over, or an inkling of an urge to drink until 5 o'clock comes around again--even though I've promised myself repeatedly not to give in to the toxic evening trigger. Ironically, no one can tell by my speech or actions when I've had too much; but when I jot something down, I can my barely recognizable scrawl proves to me that my brain has malfunctioned. I tend to forget the previous evening's activities in detail, partial blackouts, such as what I watched on the news. I've got to stop this awful habit permanently. I have done so temporarily in the past, ranging from days, to months, to up to eight years at one point--but it always comes back. There's an on-off switch in my brain somewhere that I can't seem to get a grip on. When it unpredictably switches to off, I'm like a camel in the desert when it comes to drinking; then when it switches back on, I'm like a fish in an ocean of booze. I believe it's all a nasty mind-game that I don't have control over. I'm not physically addicted--yet--since I've never had any withdrawal symptoms. But I certainly am psychologically addicted. And of late, the off switch has been way out of reach.

Any input much appreciated.

Mike