My first drink of alcohol was in college ? a sloe gin fizz, a drink I believe was designed to make teen-aged girls puke. So no great beginning there. Drinking continued through my twenties and thirties pretty much like lots of people when youth and energy and purpose can override the effects. I never thought of it as a problem. Perhaps I gravitated toward people who shared a love of parties, who helped me think it was perfectly all right.
I was always very active. My special love has been hiking and backpacking and I?ve hiked all over the world. I was blessed with a body that has been forgiving of the abuse I?ve given it.
I?ve always been dishonest, though never with other people, only with myself. I?ve pushed every limit. I?ve made everything harder than it ever had to be because I?d drink too much before nearly every important thing I ever had to do. I never messed up though. People I?ve known who have been in AA say that you have to reach ?bottom? before you?re ready for help. Well, I was never going to reach bottom; I was never going to wreck a car, lose a job, or jeopardize a relationship. I was just going to keep on making my life difficult, dishonest, and personally disgusting. I got sick of myself and I got really sick of the hangovers. I am your classic ?problem drinker.?
I?ve had an incredibly lucky life, one that?s been full of adventure, great people, rich experiences. If I had to name a regret, it would be that I didn?t have children. Toni Morrison, that gifted writer, once said that her sons allowed her to become an adult. I think that because I didn?t have children I postponed ?growing up? far beyond the years the mental state of being an adult should have taken place. I wanted the party to go on even when there was no longer a party to be had. That?s when I began to ?party? with myself ? the extra glasses of wine after a social event, the glasses of wine on an evening with no one else around, no reason at all for a party. The evenings were fine; it was the mornings I hated, mornings of remorse and knowing that I just couldn't trust myself.
I haven?t had to deal with this scenario since finding my way to RJ?s My Way Out. I can?t tell you what a relief it?s been to know that I don?t have to go through that charade any longer.
I thank you RJ for writing your book, a book that offers a plan that?s easy and doable. I thank everyone that?s been involved in this Board for all your friendship and solidarity.
I was always very active. My special love has been hiking and backpacking and I?ve hiked all over the world. I was blessed with a body that has been forgiving of the abuse I?ve given it.
I?ve always been dishonest, though never with other people, only with myself. I?ve pushed every limit. I?ve made everything harder than it ever had to be because I?d drink too much before nearly every important thing I ever had to do. I never messed up though. People I?ve known who have been in AA say that you have to reach ?bottom? before you?re ready for help. Well, I was never going to reach bottom; I was never going to wreck a car, lose a job, or jeopardize a relationship. I was just going to keep on making my life difficult, dishonest, and personally disgusting. I got sick of myself and I got really sick of the hangovers. I am your classic ?problem drinker.?
I?ve had an incredibly lucky life, one that?s been full of adventure, great people, rich experiences. If I had to name a regret, it would be that I didn?t have children. Toni Morrison, that gifted writer, once said that her sons allowed her to become an adult. I think that because I didn?t have children I postponed ?growing up? far beyond the years the mental state of being an adult should have taken place. I wanted the party to go on even when there was no longer a party to be had. That?s when I began to ?party? with myself ? the extra glasses of wine after a social event, the glasses of wine on an evening with no one else around, no reason at all for a party. The evenings were fine; it was the mornings I hated, mornings of remorse and knowing that I just couldn't trust myself.
I haven?t had to deal with this scenario since finding my way to RJ?s My Way Out. I can?t tell you what a relief it?s been to know that I don?t have to go through that charade any longer.
I thank you RJ for writing your book, a book that offers a plan that?s easy and doable. I thank everyone that?s been involved in this Board for all your friendship and solidarity.