Growing up never stops happening.

[bigthor]

To all the lovely people at MWO chat and this forum may God bless you all!

Some months back I came here under the name viking1975 and decided to piss people off because I was in the blinding rage that was my drinking. My story is one of failure from a promising future. Top ten in my class a good athlete in school but than the real of life set in when the protective gloves of my parents went away. Anxiety set in first and than did panic disorder as the constant part of worrying snowled into a mess. In sports they call it pyching out your oppoenent. I basically psyched myself out. In a year of hell from constant trips to the emergency room from panic attacks..wondering if I was dying and doctors who could never diagnose me correct. Nobody thinks a 19 year old guy is suffering from mental issues. I found a way to gut it out and learn about my condition. I had to know why was I not dying from this stuff. THE BIG BRIGHT LIGHT DAY!! I was at college and reading a medical book...and wow..I found out what I was going threw...Panic attacks and panic disorder...BINGO..not only was I relieved inside...I felt a certain sense of peace and calm...In my mind I knew I could deal with it...and I did...I retrained my mind and it worked wonders....a year after getting threw that all...I found something that would make it all better....a six pack of beer. At that time my whole world was crumpling around me as my mental state was as strong as ever. But this one this burden inside was too much...I need a safe place...that beer had that safe place. My mom and dad owned business and it failed and they lost and we lost everything. And into the bottle I went deeper...Now we enter today...I have gone threw ups and downs with AL...I've had times of managing it and times were I went out of control. The last straw came when yet again I messed up everything around me from drinking. Lost yet another girlfriend and another job. The pain of it was too much!! I did what I had to do...I asked my mom and dad..Who I love more than anything...for help. As a guy with alot of pride...it was the damn hardest thing I ever did...but know..it seems like the easiest. They knew I had a problem...but wanted to respect me. For that I thank them. I am happy I came to them with my problem to get help and well needed help. I was lucky..I got to be able to spend 90 days in a place to help me threw not just the physical part but mental side of AL....For anyone seeking help...please do what it takes...don't die from this and don't ruin your life and everyone's life around yours from it...ASK for HELP...EVERYONE can email me or talk to me on yahoo chat to get past this AL demon...I'm going to leave this post with a song...it's from Chris Daughtry Over You...my relationship with AL and everything reflects the lyrics of the song!!

Now that it?s all said and done
I can?t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too far, was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of meeee

(Chorus)
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time agooo!
And I never thought I?d doubt you
I?m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I?m slowly getting closure
I guess it?s really over
I?m finally gettin? better
Now I?m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
?Cause the day I thought I?d never get through
I got over you!!!
(End Chorus)

You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say,
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of other?s opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for meee

(Chorus)
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time agooo!
And I never thought I?d doubt you
I?m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I?m slowly getting closure
I guess it?s really over
I?m finally getting? better
Now I?m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
?Cause the day I thought I?d never get through
I got over you!!!
(End Chorus)

I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time agooo
And I never thought I?d doubt you
I?m better off without you

And I never saw it coming
I should have started running
I?m finally getting better
Now I?m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!

The day I thought I?d never get through
I got over you?

I got over you AL........

[startingover]

Growing up never stops happening.

What a beautiful and inspiring post Bigthor..thank you!
I hope you are going to stick around and let us know how you are doing?

[DeeBee]

Growing up never stops happening.

I'm so pleased that you put your hand up and asked for help.... good on you!! You are sounding strong and determinded.

Wishing you all the best for the new year Bigthor aka Viking.

[A Work in Progress]

Growing up never stops happening.

Great post, Thor. I was glad to meet you last night in chat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4C_oHwLcivY[/video]]Here's a link to your wonderful song!

[Ripple]

Growing up never stops happening.

I remember you Viking.. BT is just as bold, but you were nice. Hope all goes well for you. Chat was fun, wot a crowd the other nite.. it was a blast! :H

[brightlite]

Growing up never stops happening.

What a great song! Thanks for the link AWIP

[Heavenly]

Growing up never stops happening.

Hi there Bigthor aka viking1975,

I wondered where you had gone, I just thought you must be doing good. I am sorry you were suffering though. Glad to see you back and positive again...

[Accountable for Me]

Growing up never stops happening.

Welcome back! I vaguely remember you from before.... I think

Way to go for reaching out for the help you needed. Your parents sound wonderful.

I think you could be a real asset here to help others. You have gone to a facility for 90 days and maybe you can possibly give some advice or tips on how to get or maintain sobriety.

I look forward to seeing more posts from you. xoxoxo

[Prest4time]

Growing up never stops happening.

Bigthor,

What an inspiring story and you are blessed to have such awesome parents that you knew you could turn to for help. I know you will be able to help and encourage many others.

Thank you for sharing that... just awesome!

[johnnyh]

Growing up never stops happening.

Hi Bigthor.

Thank you for sharing your story. It is very inspiring and I am glad you got the opportunity to sort out your life.

hugs.