Feeling vulnerable

[Arnica]

Wow, this site is amazing so far. I have been browsing and found so much stuff I can relate to. I started drinking when I was about 14. I almost always drink to get a buzz or drunk. I can drink just one, but there usually has to be a good reason. If I am at home I usually have at a minimum a 6 pack of beer. I have always been a big beer drinker. I love the texture, taste, etc....everything except the hangovers and the way it affects my children and the guilt. I have quit in the past for 30 days, but I guess like others on this site I was expecting my life to fall perfectly in place without alcohol, but was disappointed. I have always used alcohol as a way to relax, deal with problesm, numb my anxiety, pain etc. I have also always been ashamed of my drinking, and realized that I "like it too much". I am the mother of 2 children (I did quit while I was pregnant), but then went back to it........I have always rationalized that I can always get up the next day and do what I need to do, hold a job etc., but in my mind I know it isn't worth it. I don't want to be tired and cranky from drinking the night before. I don't want to ruin my health and I want to have a better relationship with my children. My husband also drinks and is my drinking buddy so that makes it hard. We don't drink every night, but sometimes he will come home with a 12 pack of beer and the party begins. He doesn't want to quit. Anyone else experiencing the spouse who drinks too, but isn't ready for a change? Wow, this is a long post I apologize.

[LookingToGrow]

Feeling vulnerable

Hi Arnica and welcome to the site! Your post is not long. Don't even worry about it...LOL!! Have you read the book yet? Let us know what we can do to help :lilangel:

[smokey1949]

Feeling vulnerable

Yes Arnica, I can relate to trying to quit while the spouse continues to drink. In my case, the wife drinks 1-2 bottles of wine nightly - so yes, it is hard, but you (we) must remember we're doing this for us.

[startingover]

Feeling vulnerable

Hiya Arnica, welcome! Yep LTG is right, dont worry about your posts!
Yep, my hubby drinks and is not ready to quit. However, he doesnt have a problem like mine. He is very supportive of me stopping (hardly surprising really) and he has also cut down the number of times he drinks per week.
Our relationship has improved so much since I quit, it was really tough at first but I am learning a new way to live now..I like it..I think what I am trying to say is give yourself time. It takes time to change habits especially one like we have

[Arnica]

Feeling vulnerable

Thanks for you kind words

Thank you LTG, Smokey, and startingover for your encouragement. You are right Smokey we are doing this for ourselves. Startingover I liked what you said about giving it time. I drank for 20 years, I can't just expect things to change overnight or in 30 days! LTG I haven't read the book, but I am considering getting the pdf version. Is the book helpful even if you don't take medication like topo? I did order the nutritional supplements and I am looking forwarding to taking them and hopefully feeling better. I know whenever I drank I would never eat (it would ruin the drunk). I also know that my poor body needs to be taken better care of! Again, thanks for the replies.

[LookingToGrow]

Feeling vulnerable

I think the book will help you with a plan. Also, many of the supps are discussed in it, not just Topa (but you can also find much of that on the boards, too). I hope you can spend some time reading and posting. You will find much support and solid advice here. And the friendship cup overfloweth here...LOL!!

[on my way]

Feeling vulnerable

Arnica, I can relate with everything you've said...but my spouse drinks 1 maybe 2 soooooometimes 3 beers and STOPS. It's not easy to stop a habit but life is soooo much easier without the booze effects. The book, a plan and dig your heals in, it is not easy but well worth it. If you ever need a shoulder or to chat, we're/I'm here. nat

[ezzmae]

Feeling vulnerable

Arnica, your story is almost identical to mine. My hubby still drinks, but apart from hating hangovers he didn't have the issues that I had - guilt, self hatred, depression after a session. I have been AF 10 days now. My husband brings home 1 or 2 beers at a time, it doesn't bother me because for some reason at the moment I can resist having just one beer. At the weekends, our big drinking sessions, he has been getting a 6 pack of cider. I can't stand the stuff, so I don't feel tempted. He can drink 6 beer and still be sober, where I would be buzzed and wondering where the next 6 pack was coming from. I am usually a happy person but I feel so much better since I stopped because I don't miss the chemical induced mood swings and my husband is happier that he has cut back.

[southernbelle47]

Feeling vulnerable

Arnica
Welcome to MWO.
I could not do this without the book, CD's and the support here.
My hubby can drink a "few" and stop but even he has cut back lately. It really helps that I don't have to watch or smell it on him.
It is a journey.
The goal is to get to our destination and leave good memories for our loved ones.
We're here and we care.

Blessings
Nancy

[Sarasmiles]

Feeling vulnerable

Hi Arnica,
Welcome! Check out the "guilty moms" thread :H "Are We Having Fun Yet?" on the monthly moderators forum. You are not alone!!

[Arnica]

Feeling vulnerable

Thanks again everyone. LTG I got my vitamins today and took them and also listened to the CD. I think my next step will be to download the book! Thanks for the encouragment On My Way. Good job Ezzmae for doing 10 days that is great! Thanks for the welcome southernbelle47. I am really impressed with this program so far. I went to my first social event this evening and was repeatedly asked if I would like a drink. I said no thank you. It was tempting, but I am so happy I didn't cave in like usual. My husband drank and got a little obnoxious so I was happy to be sober and in control of myself. I felt pride instead of shame the next day. Yeah! Sarahsmiles thanks for mentioning those threads I will have to check them out. Merry Christmas everyone!

[kaponium]

Feeling vulnerable

And Happy Christmas to you too, Arnica - love the name - I used a lot of arnica in my drinking days, I was often COVERED with bruises (from banging into things and falling over drunk!)

You will sure find the support you need here, and your posts are helping others who are struggling too, it is a very wide two-way street, and a beautiful one.

I reckon you are doing superbly - keep it up....by not picking up that FIRST and deadly drink, you can avoid the pain and misery of drunkenness and all that anxiety, fear and shame that follows, One Day At A TIme...

Have a bloody great day! x k

[Arnica]

Feeling vulnerable

Thanks for the support Kaponian. I know when I was drinking I was always finding bruises on myself. I feel good, but I know it won't be easy path. However, I am looking forward to having more time on my hands and not dragging through the day with a hangover. It just isn't worth it.

[gyco]

Feeling vulnerable

i dont think your thread is long at all,welcom to mwo.your a survivor,you recognize you have a problem,as ive said to many that is the 1st step,whether i drink, or not hav it in the house,i never hav a problem gettin more,it comes down to saying no,some people just cant say no,good luck to you and i hope you lern to enjoy this site as much as i do gyco

[Doggygirl]

Feeling vulnerable

Arnica, welcome to MWO! You sound like you have a wonderful attitude and IMO, a good attitude is an important weapon in this battle. I am SO HAPPY that I am not a slave to the continuous cycle of booze and hangovers any more. I think you will be happy too. Just hang in there and fight through the tough moments. They DO pass especially if you keep a list handy of things you want to do if/when the urge to drink strikes. Urges pass!!!!

It does get easier with time - use that to motivate you through the early days as well.

I'm a believer in the supplements. I know I was very nutritionally deficient from too much alcohol and not enough NUTRITIOUS food. I am also a big believer in the power of exercise which is also highly recommended in the book. (yes, do download the book!) The healthier I get, the further away from alcohol I move. It just wouldn't make sense to me to drink any more. (I did not use Topomax. I did use the CD's too when I first got going)

Best wishes! I look forward to following your journey.

DG

PS - No, your posts are not long. MY posts are long. Just ask anyone here.