Is there really hope?
You are not alone
I wrote in a few weeks back in anguish and desperation.I too have been secretly drinking
wine at home at night. I also live alone and the wine has helped. I don't get drunk like in my vodka days, no hangovers,just relaxes me and really helped my loneliness and depression. Everyone in AA thought I had months of sobriety and was doing great.
I couldn't believe how decietful I was being and didn't know how to get out of it. I had relapsed before and it really upset my sponsor. I didn't want to lose her or AA. I really do like the meetings because they give me hope.I even picked up a 90 chip for what my sponsor thought was my sobriety date, while still secretly drinking. It felt horrible.
I know it's no excuse but living alone is hard sometimes. I have two grown kids but they have busy lives.The wine helped.
A couple of days ago my sponsor saw me buying wine. I didn't know she was in the store.
She called me extremely upset, and I lied and told her it was for a neighbor. But she knew I was lying, and i finally admitted about my secret drinking. The next day she told me she could not be my sponsor anymore, that I need to find a new one and start all over.
I know I deserve it but the shame is horrible. I know I have lost her trust forever and she is a dear lady. She says she is shocked at my behavior.
I feel heartbroken. But I'm glad it happened because I do no want to live a life of lying ever again. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. But I have to pick up the pieces and go on.
I have no drank since it happened but I feel devastated and hopeless, I prayed to God to please not leave me, I need him now more than ever.
You are not alone
I wrote in a few weeks back in anguish and desperation.I too have been secretly drinking
wine at home at night. I also live alone and the wine has helped. I don't get drunk like in my vodka days, no hangovers,just relaxes me and really helped my loneliness and depression. Everyone in AA thought I had months of sobriety and was doing great.
I couldn't believe how decietful I was being and didn't know how to get out of it. I had relapsed before and it really upset my sponsor. I didn't want to lose her or AA. I really do like the meetings because they give me hope.I even picked up a 90 chip for what my sponsor thought was my sobriety date, while still secretly drinking. It felt horrible.
I know it's no excuse but living alone is hard sometimes. I have two grown kids but they have busy lives.The wine helped.
A couple of days ago my sponsor saw me buying wine. I didn't know she was in the store.
She called me extremely upset, and I lied and told her it was for a neighbor. But she knew I was lying, and i finally admitted about my secret drinking. The next day she told me she could not be my sponsor anymore, that I need to find a new one and start all over.
I know I deserve it but the shame is horrible. I know I have lost her trust forever and she is a dear lady. She says she is shocked at my behavior.
I feel heartbroken. But I'm glad it happened because I do no want to live a life of lying ever again. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. But I have to pick up the pieces and go on.
I have no drank since it happened but I feel devastated and hopeless, I prayed to God to please not leave me, I need him now more than ever.
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