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    Sorry..its a long one!

    Hi,

    Well i dont really know where to begin with my story and i must appologise if its a bit of a long one!
    Im 29 years old and havent really been myself for as long as i can remember, i spent my childhood being abused and watching my mum being beaten by my step dad. got away from that and ended up in a couple of abusive relationships..thought that was the norm!!
    Met a wonderful guy when i was 24 and we were v happy for a while..i went back to uni an got my business degree, got a good job an all that. but then things started to go wrong an we both started to drink to much cause of it, i started to remember stuff bout my past and he couldnt deal with what i was going through. This ended up in me falling out of love with him and becoming so obsessed with myself and drinking to forget what i was in some way trying to remember.During this time i realised that i really did love and need my man and i had just shut him out cause i didnt want him to know the horrid things id been through
    So after 3 suicide attempts last year a mutual friend took me to barcelona for a wkend break just to give me some time out. unfortunatley while a was there i was attacked which took me back to all my previous issues and as soon as i got back i was in hospital again. This time my friend told my ex how sick i was and he came straight away...took me home from the hospital, took time off work to take care of me, we made plans to try again and after 3 days he left me alone.
    So of course i turned to my best friend vodka again...this time though i had the common sence to call my mum who was an absolute angel and stayed with me as well as stopping the doctor from sectioning me. I gradually got better although i still drank every day, and then he got back in touch and stupidly i went. Spent 6 months so happy together, really thought id cracked it and then one morning in march completely out of the blue told me to leave...no reason, just pack and go...In hindsight id call it revenge. What a bastard.
    Which leads me to where i am now..wasnt too bad till April when my nan (whos more like a mum to me) was rushed in to hosp for major emergency surgery..she was in I.T.U for ages an we nearly lost her, completely did my head in. So out came the 3 bottles of red a day again!! which has now progressed to the vodka..again!
    Talk about a stitty few years eh... dont get me wrong i aint writing this feelin sorry for myself, to be honest it just feels good to get it off my chest.
    But im back to drinkin to much an im off work with depression an if im honest... im scared cause i dont know where to go from here.
    Would appreciate some feedback, advice...i promise im not nuts!

    Cheers for listening an sorry bout the essay!

    Lou x
    "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

    #2
    Sorry..its a long one!

    Hiya Lou, I dont think your nuts..Its a wonder your not though.Its not fair that some people have bad luck, after bad luck, and i imagine 99% of people would have turned to the bottle if they had been through what you have.
    Just found this site myself recently and without trying to sound too much like a hippy everyone is here for each other and it does help a lot.

    Alcahol is great at covering things up and smoothing the cracks but as you know know when you wake up in the morning your problems are still there.
    On the positive side after the exsperances you've had you must be tough and capable getting through anything.
    Wish you all the luck in the world Lou and i hope things start to turn around for you soon....Wayne
    LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.........
    IT CANT GET ANY WORSE.............

    Comment


      #3
      Sorry..its a long one!

      Hiya Lou, I dont think your nuts..Its a wonder your not though.Its not fair that some people have bad luck, after bad luck, and i imagine 99% of people would have turned to the bottle if they had been through what you have.
      Just found this site myself recently and without trying to sound too much like a hippy everyone is here for each other and it does help a lot.

      Alcahol is great at covering things up and smoothing the cracks but as you know know when you wake up in the morning your problems are still there.
      On the positive side after the exsperances you've had you must be tough and capable getting through anything.
      Wish you all the luck in the world Lou and i hope things start to turn around for you soon....Wayne
      LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.........
      IT CANT GET ANY WORSE.............

      Comment


        #4
        Sorry..its a long one!

        Wayne,

        Thank you sweetheart...i was so scared that people would just think i was nuts and not understand, iv never done anything like this before so i guess thats why i was so worried.
        Really appreciate your comments..thanks

        Lou x
        "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

        Comment


          #5
          Sorry..its a long one!

          It doesn't sound like you're nuts at all, Lou, just a human being having a really rough time....alcohol really DOES seem like a friend when we need it, but unfortunately it turns out to be just another fu*ked up relationship. Alcohol just destroys our self-esteem and takes away any glimmer of self-worth we might have left...


          Just by being here and sharing your story, though, you show that you've got the courage it takes to change your life and move on....


          Keep reading and posting here--you'll find lots of people to identify with and lots of support as you start this journey back to your real self....
          :l
          susan
          "I'm a sucker for a good resurrection story." Anne Lamott

          Comment


            #6
            Sorry..its a long one!

            Thank you

            Thank you Susan for your kind words, I am so pleased that i have found this site with all of you lovely people who completely understand where im coming from.
            I can finaly talk about things that iv never felt able to...it is such a release

            Lou x x
            "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

            Comment


              #7
              Sorry..its a long one!

              Hey Lou:w ,Just wanted to say hi, and I think I understand some of what you're feeling. I've also tried suicide, and been in love & abandoned by the same man, more than once... ....Sometimes it does feel like alcohol is the only reliable friend around! But in reality, it too can be very deceptive... especialy, if we go overboard with it. I hate that self loathing,..Glad you found us! Hope ya stick around, and keep posting. It will get better.:l , Judie
              The only thing worth stealing is a kiss...:flower: zwink:

              Comment


                #8
                Sorry..its a long one!

                Judie

                Thanks for the words of encouragment Judie, i cant get over how nice you all are on here. I feel like I have finaly found a way that i can get through this...as hard as i know its gonna be it doesnt seem anywhere near as scary as it did before. I know that if im feeling bad physicaly or mentaly i can come on here and get a lot of support...an thats really really nice to know.

                Thank you

                Lou x x x
                "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

                Comment


                  #9
                  Sorry..its a long one!

                  Hi Lou, I think your very brave and your not alone.......sending big hug to you. Moll

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Sorry..its a long one!

                    Thank you moll...its funny but now i found this site i know im not alone.

                    Take care and keep in touch sweetheart x
                    "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Sorry..its a long one!

                      Hi Lou how are you

                      Hey Lou lou
                      How are you feeling today hon?
                      Thinking about you.
                      By the way, I am 29 as well.
                      Hugs
                      Jen
                      Over 4 months AF :h

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Sorry..its a long one!

                        Hi

                        Well iv had a strange day,( i have also posted on just starting out ) I told my mum about my problem and the severity of it and she was brilliant, i didnt expect that!
                        Anyway im now stuck as she wants to come docs with me on wed, which is lovely but im gonna have to talk about stuff thats happened to me that she has no knowledge of and if she knew it would destroy her..So how do i go about telling her not to come without upsetting her?
                        Feel like iv just caused myself another problem!!
                        On one hand it feels really good to have all the support from you guys and now from my mum too...but i now have to face my demons big time, im scared and i dont know if i wanna do this in front of my mum

                        Lou x x
                        "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Sorry..its a long one!

                          mom

                          It's just fine to say, "Mom, your support means everything to me, but I need to do this part of it myself." That's part of my taking reponsibility. Thanks so much.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Sorry..its a long one!

                            Hi lou,
                            I read your story, You made me cry too. Actually your story was the first one I read when I started this morning. How are you tonight? My thoughts are with you.
                            Urs

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Sorry..its a long one!

                              Lou, I just read about your Mom. I agree with fsophia tell her thanks but not right now. You don't need the extra stress to worry about her feelings at this time you need to focus on you first.When time comes you can let her knowall you want.

                              Comment

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