wanting a new life and scared

[kimber069]

Well, in a nutshell....I have been drinking since I was 14. I have always been a party girl, drinking, drugs, rough crowd. Now I'm 39. I dont drink daily and I dont even crave it, but, I'm a binge drinker. I dont mean like drinking for days, but I definately can't stop after a couple. I drink until I'm DRUNK and then I blackout and passout. I had gastric bypass surgery 6 years ago. They told me because of the restructuring of my stomach and intestines, that alcohol would affect me MUCH differently. Now, I know this right? But, mentally, my thought process hasn't changed, even after countless times of falling down in a bar, peeing the bed and being just a complete slobbering mess. I always feel guilty after drinking, even if nothing happened. I am from Wisconsin and drinking is a way of life here. My entire family are drinkers, but the bottom line is, I know this isn't working for me anymore and I am the only one that can change it. But, if you go to a bar or some social gathering and you aren't drinking, people look at you like your a leper or something! It's more socially acceptable to be a drunk than to be sober. My husband and I rarely go to bars anymore and if we do, it's early..like 5pm-8pm..but by 8, I am drunk. I have never had a dwi or anything like that, but I certainly know I could have very easily and now I wont even chance driving because I know how bad I get. I finally talked to my mother about this today and told her that I am really considering quitting drinking as it doesn't work for me. She also is an alcoholic, but I would call her the social/professional alcoholic. She actually has slowed down considerably because she got her first dwi (at 59 years old) last July and was mortified. So, now she comes to my house and stays overnight when she wants to have more than one drink. But, she drinks daily. The difference between her and me..she drinks daily and can stop after one or two...sometimes she gets drunk, but it's not every time. Me...I have one or two and I keep going for several hours until I'm waisted. Like I said, I dont drink daily, but it is becoming more frequent, especially with my Mom coming out and hanging out. Why can't I NOT drink when she's here..we are just hanging at my house??? No, she has a couple and goes home. I keep drinking and feel like crap the next day. My son is 17 and HATES seeing me drunk. My husband, how he has stuck by me is beyond me. We got married one year after my gastric bypass surgery. I was newly thin, feeling hot, and out on the town while he was working. It started getting bad for us and I filed for divorce...twice in the first six months of our marriage. I bought a new house and moved out. He pretty much stalked me. He wasn't letting me go that easy. I was out at the bars 4 times a week for sure and having after bar parties..it wasn't good and it was affecting my job. He finally swayed me into getting back together and I got pregnant. So, that went fine..no drinking during the pregnancy or anything and now we have a 2 year old. So, I dont go out without him anymore and I completely settled down as far as that aspect goes, but now I'm drinking at home more frequently and I guess I just feel I need to do something. I'd love to be able to drink in moderation. It'd be great if I could learn that, but I dont know. The doc's warn of switching addictions after gastric bypass and I think I did. Well, that's my story. I'm going to get the pdf file and read...Hoping to become part of your community and find support! Thanks!:new:

[dexterhead]

wanting a new life and scared

:welcome:Hi Kimber and welcome ! I am also a Wisconsin native and very familiar with our drinking culture. There are a number of people here who've had gastric bypass surgery .. I hope one of them will reach out to you. At one point, we had a thread going about it. Anyway, you have found a wonderful community, welcome again, and please stick around!

[rubywillow]

wanting a new life and scared

Kimber, I'm glad you found this site. You have quite a lot going on in your life, and, yes, I agree, it sounds like it's really time to make that change. Your 17-yr-old is almost an adult, and if, as you say, drinking is the norm for everyone, what do you expect from him? And wouldn't it be wonderful if your 2-yr-old grew up without experiencing the trauma of life with a drunken parent? You DO have to do this alone, especially in your environment, but you have a lot to do it for. From your description, with the lack of control and blackouts, you probably have gone too far for moderation, at least for a while. From what I've learned, we pass a point somewhere that makes it almost impossible to control a couple of drinks. It's late for many of the people on the boards, so don't be discouraged tonight with your replies. Read as many stories as you can, and stay around to read different threads tomorrow. Jump in and contribute, join in. You can find help and support here. I hope to hear from you again!
Ruby

[In Details]

wanting a new life and scared

bubbly one

rubywillow;530770 wrote: Kimber, I'm glad you found this site. You have quite a lot going on in your life, and, yes, I agree, it sounds like it's really time to make that change. Your 17-yr-old is almost an adult, and if, as you say, drinking is the norm for everyone, what do you expect from him? And wouldn't it be wonderful if your 2-yr-old grew up without experiencing the trauma of life with a drunken parent? You DO have to do this alone, especially in your environment, but you have a lot to do it for. From your description, with the lack of control and blackouts, you probably have gone too far for moderation, at least for a while. From what I've learned, we pass a point somewhere that makes it almost impossible to control a couple of drinks. It's late for many of the people on the boards, so don't be discouraged tonight with your replies. Read as many stories as you can, and stay around to read different threads tomorrow. Jump in and contribute, join in. You can find help and support here. I hope to hear from you again!
Ruby

I am struggling just the way u do don't worry take take the
supplement and detox and get away from your life

[In Details]

wanting a new life and scared

drinking culture

dexterhead;530764 wrote: :welcome:Hi Kimber and welcome ! I am also a Wisconsin native and very familiar with our drinking culture. There are a number of people here who've had gastric bypass surgery .. I hope one of them will reach out to you. At one point, we had a thread going about it. Anyway, you have found a wonderful community, welcome again, and please stick around!

mu did a good analyze of the drinking culture....
need help I will be there

[In Details]

wanting a new life and scared

stay in touch

we are all in the same boat... we ARE HERE TO HELP EACH OTHER

[kimber069]

wanting a new life and scared

Thanks everyone..I'm glad to be here. I would love someone to find the link about the gastric bypass if you could. I'm very new and dont get alot of time to play and look around on here, but hopefully one of these nights! Thanks again everyone.

[CS04]

wanting a new life and scared

Kimber, I also have a 2 year old and a 17 year old stepson. It's good that you shared your struggles with your mom. Hopefully she will respect your boundaries and not come to your house to drink. Download the MWO book and read lots of posts. You will find help and support here.

[kimber069]

wanting a new life and scared

Yeh, well, that didnt happen tonight...her and I went out for 2 hours...not in our plans, but it happened...now here I am..with cocktail in hand, typing on here. I'm sorry......