so thats how i got here....

[within]

It is hard to believe that a movie only cost 75c when I was a kid.
Local movies, days at the park, summer camping trips, extended stays at the shore, reo speedwagon, designer jeans, parachute pants, light bright, transister radeos, maxi dresses, the six million dollar man...studio 54...combs in our back pokcets...boys still carried our books...That was my youth.

After years of travel, finding myself and working for $50 a week. I finally realized that college was important for me and decided to buckle down. After I graduated and got a job and settled into my life I realized that I hadn't followed my heart as far as relationships went.

It was time to build my career and build a marriage. I reconnected with my "true love" and moved up the ladder at work. I worked hard and we bought a fixer upper. It all felt good and right and all that stuff. Funny thing is my hubby and I are like a decade behind everyone else our age who went to college, got married and had kids on schedule. Deep down I know I set my own course but there are days that I can help but compare.

So, long story, feeling even longer, At this point I was nearing the end of my 30's. 39 was coming and I was even ready to turn 40. Yippee I thought. I real woman. In control. Happy. I wanted to mark it and say I felt great at 40. I thought long and hard and said...when I turn 40 I want to feel like I am on top of the world. I thought I would. Things seemed great.

As I got ready to celebrate 39...the gateway to 40...my mother got very ill. So ill that we thought she would die that week in July...it was life shattering....she had brain surgery and survived it. We all held our breath and tried to attend to her and give her the best care we knew how. Lots of time together and lots of laughs together.

39 came and went. Now really I was facing 40. But, now I wasnt feeling so great about life. I was working all the time. I was having a hard time juggling work and caregiving. I was feeling old and not in control. What was to come of my plan to reach 40 feeling on top of the world.?

Time. Time is more valuable then anything. I stepped down from my position and work and was happy to be offered a downsized version of my job. Yes, summers off. Ok, I think I am getting there. Now, What have I been giving up so I can work full time all year...hmmm, a DOG! I went out and adopted from the local shelter. Things seemed to be shaping up. More time to care for mum, time to run and play with doggy, and free time to learn, explore, grow and be with nature.

Guess what....that didnt happen. That extra time and energy went to drinking wine to help cope with the great unknown of my mothers disease. The one glass at dinner turned into a bottle each evening. I was becoming the crazy aunt who had a few too many. If I was doing overnight care at my parents....I would drink whatever they would have in their cabinet.....The wine got me through those long difficult days.

It got me through but it sure did take a toll. I looked around and at age 40. I could see I was barely holding on. Yes, job was great but....i was nowhere near the top of the world. More wine please...at this point i am feeling shitty and the wine is feeling good. I hold on. I look about 15 years older but I am holding on.(to my wine)

Very sad to say that mum passed away in June. We shared so much love and joy in those 2 years of her illness. They were a gift of time. My heart is still sad but I do believe we always stay connected to those we love....wherever they are.

When life rocks...you gotta role with it. One thought... by... one thought....like step by step.... I thought once again about where my life is at....who I have become. It was the right time.

"Step away from the wine....fill your life", I thought. "Don't swim in it!! "
As of today I am 7 days AF. My goal is to be a modder......but this is a process and I am not sure how it will go. I feel great! I want to take my life back and enjoy it. I want to feel in control and actually look my age.

I am filling my life with other things.....guess what, there is alot out there!!!

This is my story....What is yours????

[Evie.Lou]

so thats how i got here....

This site is filled with people that have all kinds of different stories...many similiar to yours...others different. Read and you shall soon see.
we have a common goal. To not let ALCOHOL control our lives...
We are here to help you reach your goals...Stay close, post often.
I look forward to getting to know you.

[Doggygirl]

so thats how i got here....

Welcome within! I can relate to so much of what you say about alcohol taking over a prominent role in your life. Raced the rats in corporate life too. I am sorry to read of your mother's illness and passing - that is one thing I have not yet had to get through.

Congratulations on 7 days AF. The moderation option caught my eye too when I first found MWO. Through lots of ups and downs along the path, I found that for me, drinking moderately is just not possible. So I stopped fighting that notion and am now sober for almost 9 months. Living proof that it can be done.

Best wishes to you - hope to get to know you better on this journey.

DG

[within]

so thats how i got here....

Thanks for the nice messages...and support.
Lifes twists and turns can create such stress or can provide such great opportunities....I guess its all how we react and respond.
Its nice to be part of this community...I have already gained so much from so many kind and supportive people.
All the best,
Within...

[Guest]

so thats how i got here....

Welcome to you within,

I too have recently found this site, a few months ago, and it has been a very helpful place for me. I have a long story and suffice it to say, I used my wine as my med, just as you did, as I was climbing the hills of my life and care taking others in my life. It worked for a while, now it does not work anymore.

I have gotten so much support here on MWO.

I think lots of time I drank because I was bored. Now having all these posts to read takes my mind off drinking, I do not know why or how, but that has been the case for me.

I shared before on a thread about how every morning I was paralyzed in bed, afraid to get out, wondering if I could get through a day not drinking. I finally would just get up, and go and have my first glass of wine, and I was off and running till the night when I awoke with the sugar crave at 2 am and realized,"Oh no, I did it again!"

One morning soon after finding this site, I awoke and the first thing on my mind was to go and check the MWO threads, I did not even think of wine!

I am doing very well, I did 32 days AF (alcohol free) then had a slight slip (I intensionally did not take my meds on a vacation), and I am now back on track once I restarted my meds. I feel great and I have confidence that I am fighting with some success this battle.

So, welcome again, be well, and may you :heart::heart::heart: realize your goals.

[Lavande]

so thats how i got here....

I found this site about a week ago and am so happy I did.

I've only posted a few times myself but am greatly benefitting from reading the postings of everyone else here. The support and understanding here is fabulous. My self esteem and confidence are returning quickly. I know now I can improve my life.

My story is somwhat similar to yours Within. My Mom passed away when I was 32 years old and raising 2 young children. I lost a good friend, she was my favorite person. I eventually fell into a pretty deep depression. After suffering several more personal disappoinments in my life (husband related) I eventually turned to the wine bottle for support. More than anything, I just wanted to numb the emotional pain. I allowed my drinking to get out of control and basically take over my life. I felt I pretty much hit bottom during the holidays and decided to do something about it.

I am not yet AF but have drastically reduced my wine intake and am enjoying some AF days. I feel so much better, it's unbelievable. I am finding new ways to deal with my grief and emotional pain. I gave up the Lexapro my doctor put me on for depression. It didn't work, the side effects were terrible. I am now taking an herbal supplement. It's done wonders for me. My desire to drink is greatly diminished. Currently, I reserve the wine for the evenings, a glass or two before bed. I can see the day coming when I give it up altogether.

I felt it was important for me to moderate my intake first. Previous attempts to just 'cold turkey' just didn't last long. Well, I've made a plan for myself, I'm sticking to it and am proud.

Thank you all and blessings, stay well.

[Guest]

so thats how i got here....

Lavande;552297 wrote:

Well, I've made a plan for myself, I'm sticking to it and am proud.

Thank you all and blessings, stay well.

GOOD FOR YOU. ME TOO, LET"S KEEP IT GO:happyheart:ING!

[DeeBee]

so thats how i got here....

Thanks for sharing your story with us Within. You are doing so well and I just know that with your determination and our support you are going to get this under control.

[LOST AGAIN]

so thats how i got here....

I am so scared and worried that i am going to die from drinking too much. i decided to not have a drink one night a few weeks ago and it was the worst night of my life. i am so scared and dont know where to turn to or what to do. talking to doctor is not an option as she went on maternity leave and never came back. i have two small children and want to be around for them

[Beaches]

so thats how i got here....

Thank you so much for sharing within and Welcome you will find a lot of strength and support here.


Irisheyes: post this in the Need Help ASAP section......it will get quicker attention.

[Prest4time]

so thats how i got here....

Within,
What an honest and heartfelt post. I can relate to so many things in your story. I too just turned 40, and just lost my father. I've had a hard time with the grief, but what a great time to grasp onto and move forward not by leaps, but bounds!

Welcome and hope you can find all the support and encouragement you need here.

P4T

[Sunbeam]

so thats how i got here....

Within,
So nice to hear your bigger story. You really are at a good point to change your life. You will succeed.

[veritas]

so thats how i got here....

Welcome and hang in there.:welcome:

Wine is such a devious friend, isn't is?
It starts off comforting us and slowly starts to consume every aspect of our lives. Good luck in your journey.

[aliciabutterfly]

so thats how i got here....

I can't say that I hit rock bottom in the traditional "bottom of the well" genre. It just seemed like the mornings after, complete with smeared mascara and a garbage bag full of puke, were becoming the rule rather than the exception. My frat-girl days were long over and the 9-6 job I worked kept them that way...at least, kept the old friends away leaving me totally isolated when I wasn't at work.

So I'd drink. Not every day but two times a week maybe and I'd go hard, like I did when I had regular sleepovers at the Phi Delta Theta house. Like I was still at a toga party after everyone else had left. My last "toga party" was last night. I sat with two bottles of wine and smoked cigarettes out of my apartment window, blowing smoke rings into the frosty Canadian night air. And when I woke up this morning, exhausted and disappointed, I finally let my ex-roommates words sink in... "You drink too much."

I know I'm going to get lonely and bored and want to drink. It'll probably happen on Friday but this time I feel like I'm armed with something new...the truth and an honesty with myself that I haven't had before. I love to drink more than I should.

[aliciabutterfly]

so thats how i got here....

my story too!

I can't say that I hit rock bottom in the traditional "bottom of the well" genre. It just seemed like the mornings after, complete with smeared mascara and a garbage bag full of puke, were becoming the rule rather than the exception. My sorority girl days were long over and the 9-6 job I worked kept them that way...at least, kept the old friends away leaving me totally isolated when I wasn't at work.

So I'd drink. Not every day but two times a week maybe and I'd go hard, like I did when I had regular sleepovers at the Phi Delta Theta house. Like I was still at a toga party after everyone else had left. My last "toga party" was last night. I sat with two bottles of wine and smoked cigarettes out of my apartment window, blowing smoke rings into the frosty Canadian night air. And when I woke up this morning, exhausted and disappointed, I finally let my ex-roommates words sink in... "You drink too much."

I know I'm going to get lonely and bored and want to drink. It'll probably happen on Friday but this time I feel like I'm armed with something new...the truth and an honesty with myself that I haven't had before. I love to drink more than I should.