New Lots Lots of Questions!

[luna]

Hello Everyone,
I really like this forum as it is REAL!! and I see there are a lot of women on this!! mmmm does that say something about our society? Maybe!
Well a little about me... I am 37 years old and have been drinking for the last 7-10 years. It started with 2 classes of wine at night to help me sleep... and I LOST weight and everybody was like you look amazing (skin, body...!! )
well... 7 years later... a BOTTLE of wine, plus 4 poppers later, feeling like shit the next day and not looking so hot!!:upset: So...Here I am. and i do have lots of questions.

1) I feel like I am on the road to being an alchoholic but I don't feel I am one... am I just in denial?
2)I am trying to stop on my own for the first time (it has been 4 days so far with no alchohal) do you think I am setting myself up for failure going on my own?That is why I joined for support.
3)If I stop, does this mean I can never never, ever drink a glass a wine again as I don't know for sure if I can do that for the rest of my life!
4)Since I have stopped I have had a major headache for the past 2 days is this normal?
5)My boyfriend wants me to go to a place for 6 weeks and costs 4,000$ (jsut to clarify, he is NOT paying it so... yae)I think this is a little extreme for the first time trying to stop drinking, what should I start with? or should I go and if so, do you know what happens in these places?

When I am in social situations I can control my drinking and I also do work in an enviroment where it is very much around me and kinda of expected to have something with the client... but it is when I am at home I go to the EXTREME!!
Please give me some feedback!! Thanks!!

[Sunbeam]

New Lots Lots of Questions!

Luna,
If you want more responses, you should post your questions under Just Starting Out. It is a little confusing to find your way around this site at first, but you will get used to it. But here are my thoughts to answer your questions:
1. Everyone starts out in some denial, I think. There are varying levels of severity of drinking problems. If you are here, and from what you describe, you know you have a problem. Stop worrying about if you fit someone's definition.
2. You are doing great to be Alcohol Free for four days. The headaches are normal. Some people are definitely able to stop on their own. The support here really helps. So do the other parts of this program: exercise, supplements, meditation.
3. Read the posts under Long Term Moderation to find out more about drinking moderately. I strongly feel you need to stay Alcohol Free for awhile first, many think that 30 days is a good number. MANY people here say they just can't moderate. It is definitely more difficult than just not drinking for good.
4. Headaches are normal.
5. Try this site first. I personally believe you don't need in-patient rehab without trying other options first. Get lots of ideas for strategies in the Toolbox thread, found under monthly Abstinence.

Keep reading, keep posting. Since you have already quit, you could just post under monthly abstinence if you wanted. Many under Just Starting Out have not yet quit, they may be getting ready.:welcome::goodjob:

[hippie37]

New Lots Lots of Questions!

Hi Luna!

I'll start by explaining a bit about myself and my drinking habits. I'm 39 and one of the minority here i.e. male!!!. I was your typical binge drinker and found after one I could not stop. There is a saying in both N/A and AA that one is too many and a thousand never enough. Well this couldn't be more correct with my own drinking. I tend to categorize myself more of and addict than an alcoholic due to the fact I have had problems too with drugs in the past. I gave up the party drugs (coke and e's) nearly 2 years ago and I stopped using heroin nearly 7 years ago although I was 'loyal to the foil' and never injected. Drink though was always the catalyst that lead me onto other things because it didn't matter really what I took at the end of the day; as long as I didn't have to face up to life and all it's responsibilities then I was gonna use it. I was devious and I used to hide drink and sneak it into the house when my partner at the time was 'oblivious' to my actions (or so I thought!). I would lie and swear blind I hadn't had a drink even when the evidence was right in front of my face! I was so in denial that I had a problem. Addiction for me and how I'm starting to understand it is that the problems have nothing to do with the alcohol or the drugs but the reasons why I took them in the first place. It's always been about how I percieved myself within society and my way of thinking that has kept me in the grips of addiction for more years than I can remember (at present!). Although the more I look back the more I see how it stems in my teens and growing up. I would not try to categorize yourself too quickly until you have a better understanding of your behavoural patterns around drink. As suggested by sunbeam I would try a period of abstinence over 30 days to get a clearer way of thinking that is not clouded by alcohol. Don't worry too much about the semantics of whether or not you are alcoholic at this early stage. The fact that you are concerned about your drinking and that it maybe taking more than money from you at present may well be a sign that you are. There may be a lot of shame or guilt attached to labeling yourself alcoholic anyway as I know a few friends of mine have felt that way. If you start to look at the prospect of never being able to drink safely or controlably again then too that is a very daunting prospect. It's something I've honestly only come to terms with myself after probably being in a state of denial myself over these past 20 months of trying to get sober. I've had 4 relapses over those months where I've gone on benders with the drink for about a week each time. My last relapse was fairly recently when I tried going back to drinking twice a week after I dropped my daughter back home at her mother's. (We seperated 18 months ago and I have access 2 times a week at present). I was just kidding myself really that I could have some self control and I would say, not so much, I was in denial but more that I couldn't accept the fact that I could never drink again. That was a hard pill to swallow and in reality all's I've been doing all these months is just taking a break from it (3 months here....bender......4 months there.........bender!!) There were series of events that had me drinking again but at the end of the day they were the excuses I needed to have a drink again. I had choices whether I picked up a drink and I chose too. So it tells me that I was never serious about quitting. So try not to look too far ahead because believe me you will set yourself up for failure if you do that because it's scary to think of never being able to have another drink because drinking takes us into our comfort zone. AND no is gonna take that from us are they?!!!lol

Luna I found online forums a godsend in the beginning because I was so isolated by my drinking that it was the only way I could communicate with people. Even though I had a girlfriend at the time I still felt so alone and isolated from everyone because of my addictive behaviour. I had tried AA over 13 years previous and I was paranoid as hell and gripped with fear in the rooms a lot of the time. I was so self obsessed with what other people thought of me that I'd end up having panic attacks a lot of the time. Just to be able to read some of the posts and get some identification with other people made all the difference to me. I'd maybe suggest you look closer at the Mods section and see what and who you can identify with. This wasn't the first forum I joined online but I jumped straight in at the deep end and just asked questions no matter how silly they seemed. They may well do; to normal people but at the end of the day I ain't bleed'n normal anyway..........I'm an ADDICT!

Stopping drinking can cause major upsets to the system. Think of the damage you've been doing to yourself over the years too. Cuase I was binging a lot of the time I was almost self detoxing slightly inbetween binges so I kind of new what to expect when I decided to finally try and quit for good. It wasn't easy though and my sleep patterns went AWOL and YES headaches, sweats, shakes etc. They didn't last too long though although it took months before I had regular sleep patterns.

Lastly I think your right to be thinking that a treatment centre/rehab/retreat or whatever it is your boyfriend is suggesting may be a bit extreme at present considering what I've read. I think definitely you seem to have a problem with drink at the moment but as to the extent of that problem I think only YOU can truthfully answer that.

I'm currently in N/A and attend meetings regularly and I'm only 3 1/2 weeks sober AGAIN!!. I've been on the merry go round for too long now and although I've tried to get honest with myself, some things I've found hard to accept though and some things I've not been 100% truthful with myself.

So my best advice to you is to take things slowly at this present time and don't rush into making any rash desicions. Rome wasn't built in a day. I've spent a lifetime in addictive behaviour and I can't suddenly change my thinking overnight. So don't be too hard on yourself and take things easy.

Best of luck to you Luna

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[Evie.Lou]

New Lots Lots of Questions!

I just want to say WELCOME to MWO...I am here to help support you in what ever your goals are...

[Lavande]

New Lots Lots of Questions!

New too

Hi Luna,
I joined the group this month too! I check in 2x daily, at least, for a good dose of support.
I pretty much hit bottom in December and knew it was time to do something to improve my life.
First thing I did was talk to someone and received some very good advice. In my case, getting control of my chronic anxiety/situation was a must. I dumped the antidepressant my doctor had me on - it wasn't working, just made me feel horrible. I searched and found an herbal supplement, Amoryn, which has done wonders for me!! I am feeling so much better and thinking more clearly than I have in years.
I've been instructed to suround myself with happy, positive people and ditch the rest. Good move as well.
I am currently, seriously moderating my wine intake. It's working well. Maybe some day I will be completely AF, I don't know. Right now this is working for me and I'm happy.
I don't label myself as an alcoholic. To me that is a negative thought. I've given up the negative thoughts and am rebuilding my confidence and self esteem. I am looking forward only, very important to me.
Wishing you the best :welcome:
Lavande

[Angelique]

New Lots Lots of Questions!

Luna,
Welcome. I know how you feel. Don't worry about "labeling" yourself. I hate labels. Everyone is different and different things work for different people. Maybe first you should see where the support from this site and good old fashion will power takes you. If you feel that it's not enough or you find it challenging then maybe you should consider other options.
I "joined" this site back in Nov. and right now I am doing pretty good. I check in on a regular basis. I don't always post but I read others posts and it is always encouraging. It's very important to get support whenever you are trying to acheive anything. Especially when you're trying to acheive sobriety. I haven't completely quit drinking....but I can now go days sometimes longer without my wine and then just have a glass or two and be fine. I think the supplements make a HUGE difference as well as other factors.
You can pm me anytime.
Welcome Again!!
A.

[WannaBFree]

New Lots Lots of Questions!

I've been instructed to suround myself with happy, positive people and ditch the rest. This quoted from Lavande is Vital for the change to last, others will try to bring you down to their level or current headspace lets say. Listen to your body it rarely lies to you, pple can though. Best of luck, its worth it !

[Arial]

New Lots Lots of Questions!

Welcome Luna,

Lots of good advice already and looking elsewhere through the site you'll find lots of information/inspiration/support. Have you read the book? - that's a great place to start, and the other 'tools' that are recommended in the programme. Different people find different things that work for them, but the key is, I believe, a mental one. If you WANT to regain control of your life, stop drinking too much, wake up without the hangovers and regrets, then you will find a way. If you don't have that 1000% commitment, then you'll also find ways and excuses to drink again. I found reading, reading, reading here gave me the self realisation, the motivation and the ability to take things in to my own hands and when the time was right, to stop. The book was the catalyst, + I used the hypnotic tapes but didn't use the medication or supplements. However, I also combined it with a life-style change - Excercise for me was a key component to keeping sober - a) it kept me busy and out of the house and b) it increased my sense of well-being.

Another key piece of advice that someone said was 'look beyond the alcohol'. If you focus on NOT drinking, not being 'allowed' to drink or 'able' to drink, the focus is still on the drink. Focus instead on why you don't WANT to drink - what is it in life you want instead? This way of thinking gives you choice - I currently choose not to drink at all because I think of all the things I DO want and I know that my drinking prevents that. The focus is therefore positive. Also, put things in place that you will do now you are not drinking - you will have more time on your hands and you'll identify the triggers that initiate the drinking - plan ways to either avoid those triggers or get through them. Don't just stop drinking - put other things in place - and get armed as it is a battle!

I agree that rehab sounds extreme at this point and yes, getting sober can be done on your own - but now you've found this site, you're not on your own! - we're all here to support, advise, congratulate and share the journey with, but don't forget, the strength and motivation comes from you. Welcome and good luck!