Prior to Feb 08 I was really a social drinker at best. I only drank in social settings and maybe once or twice a year I would buy a bottle of wine for a special dinner. Wine was never something I drank a lot of, I really didn't like it that much.
My brother died in Jan 08 after a battle with many illnesses, but still very sudden. I had just started a new job that I had only been at for only a week when he died. I also found out that week that there were many changes at my new job that changed the position to be a lot different from the job I had accepted. My new boss was a self admitted narcissist who thrived on making me and everyone in my team miserable.
It started out drinking wine a few times a week at night, a glass here and there, then within a month or so I started to drink on the weekends sobering up for work but still not getting drunk during the week. By May I was drinking everynight, but it was only a bottle (No big deal right?) by June I was drinking 2 or more bottles everynight and beginning to drink in the morning just to get started. I really don't remember most of the summer, I was drunk most the time. I went on a vacation and drank so much I don't think I did anything but drink and passout in the sun. I started buying wine by the case and lowered my standards on the quality of it. Then I moved to buying it in boxes. I knew I was out of control when I realized that I was driving to work drunk and sobering up while I was there. Then came sitting in my car drinking at lunch. The most shameful thing I did was drive in that condition. I was lucky that I didn't kill me or someone else or ever get pulled over.
By October I was so far gone that going a few hours without a drink made me nervous. I always made sure I had wine. I was getting up in the middle of the night to drink. My husband knew that I was out of control, but I would tell him it would be ok and I would stop drinking or cut back. Instead I started hiding it. I was so depressed and desperate that I thought about sucide a lot and I hated myself. I started to smell bad and looked worse. At the end of October I attended my first AA meeting, I was at the end of my rope. I did good for a week, then I had to go to CA to help my sister out. I attended meetings there and stayed sober. At the airport on the way home I started drinking again only this time the binge was really bad and lasted 7 days and I ended up in the hospital with a BAC of .357 from drinking wine only and off to Rehab I went. I was there for 14 days. It had it's pros and cons, but at least I was sober. After I was released I went to meetings all the time, but I felt outside myself all the time. I like AA, and I believed that I was powerless over Alcohol and my life was unmanagable, I felt like that I was now defective and broken and that was really tough for me.
I found out that my company was starting to lay off people which would be the second time in a year. They asked for volenteers and I decided to be one of them, it was the best thing I could do. 3 days before Christmas I decided that I could have a glass of wine, well it turned into a 3 day bingefest including drinking other alcohol. I missed Christmas, I completely let down my husband and family and spent a few days in agony trying to come off of all the stuff I drank. It was the worse ever, the shakes, night sweats, couldn't hold anything down, major IBS and stomach problems.
I started going back to meetings and in Jan my husband had to take a trip that would last 17 days. I started drinking and that last 7 days, then I sobered up long enough to interview and accept a new job, then back to drinking sobering up for a day or so. I joined him in Mid January and went to Fla. 2 weeks after getting back we spent a few days in Atlantic City I drank everyday again, but hiding it from him much better. He only saw the few drinks at the bar. The longest I had been sober was 6 days since New Years.
I decided again to try to go 30 days without drinking starting on my Bday Feb 13th. I made it 7 days and drank this past Friday night. I don't know what the trigger was.
So I'm going to try it again this week and see if I can make it 14 days and then see if I can keep going, I want to make it at least 30 - 60 and beyond.
My brother died in Jan 08 after a battle with many illnesses, but still very sudden. I had just started a new job that I had only been at for only a week when he died. I also found out that week that there were many changes at my new job that changed the position to be a lot different from the job I had accepted. My new boss was a self admitted narcissist who thrived on making me and everyone in my team miserable.
It started out drinking wine a few times a week at night, a glass here and there, then within a month or so I started to drink on the weekends sobering up for work but still not getting drunk during the week. By May I was drinking everynight, but it was only a bottle (No big deal right?) by June I was drinking 2 or more bottles everynight and beginning to drink in the morning just to get started. I really don't remember most of the summer, I was drunk most the time. I went on a vacation and drank so much I don't think I did anything but drink and passout in the sun. I started buying wine by the case and lowered my standards on the quality of it. Then I moved to buying it in boxes. I knew I was out of control when I realized that I was driving to work drunk and sobering up while I was there. Then came sitting in my car drinking at lunch. The most shameful thing I did was drive in that condition. I was lucky that I didn't kill me or someone else or ever get pulled over.
By October I was so far gone that going a few hours without a drink made me nervous. I always made sure I had wine. I was getting up in the middle of the night to drink. My husband knew that I was out of control, but I would tell him it would be ok and I would stop drinking or cut back. Instead I started hiding it. I was so depressed and desperate that I thought about sucide a lot and I hated myself. I started to smell bad and looked worse. At the end of October I attended my first AA meeting, I was at the end of my rope. I did good for a week, then I had to go to CA to help my sister out. I attended meetings there and stayed sober. At the airport on the way home I started drinking again only this time the binge was really bad and lasted 7 days and I ended up in the hospital with a BAC of .357 from drinking wine only and off to Rehab I went. I was there for 14 days. It had it's pros and cons, but at least I was sober. After I was released I went to meetings all the time, but I felt outside myself all the time. I like AA, and I believed that I was powerless over Alcohol and my life was unmanagable, I felt like that I was now defective and broken and that was really tough for me.
I found out that my company was starting to lay off people which would be the second time in a year. They asked for volenteers and I decided to be one of them, it was the best thing I could do. 3 days before Christmas I decided that I could have a glass of wine, well it turned into a 3 day bingefest including drinking other alcohol. I missed Christmas, I completely let down my husband and family and spent a few days in agony trying to come off of all the stuff I drank. It was the worse ever, the shakes, night sweats, couldn't hold anything down, major IBS and stomach problems.
I started going back to meetings and in Jan my husband had to take a trip that would last 17 days. I started drinking and that last 7 days, then I sobered up long enough to interview and accept a new job, then back to drinking sobering up for a day or so. I joined him in Mid January and went to Fla. 2 weeks after getting back we spent a few days in Atlantic City I drank everyday again, but hiding it from him much better. He only saw the few drinks at the bar. The longest I had been sober was 6 days since New Years.
I decided again to try to go 30 days without drinking starting on my Bday Feb 13th. I made it 7 days and drank this past Friday night. I don't know what the trigger was.
So I'm going to try it again this week and see if I can make it 14 days and then see if I can keep going, I want to make it at least 30 - 60 and beyond.
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