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My Journey to the bottom of the bottle

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    My Journey to the bottom of the bottle

    Prior to Feb 08 I was really a social drinker at best. I only drank in social settings and maybe once or twice a year I would buy a bottle of wine for a special dinner. Wine was never something I drank a lot of, I really didn't like it that much.

    My brother died in Jan 08 after a battle with many illnesses, but still very sudden. I had just started a new job that I had only been at for only a week when he died. I also found out that week that there were many changes at my new job that changed the position to be a lot different from the job I had accepted. My new boss was a self admitted narcissist who thrived on making me and everyone in my team miserable.

    It started out drinking wine a few times a week at night, a glass here and there, then within a month or so I started to drink on the weekends sobering up for work but still not getting drunk during the week. By May I was drinking everynight, but it was only a bottle (No big deal right?) by June I was drinking 2 or more bottles everynight and beginning to drink in the morning just to get started. I really don't remember most of the summer, I was drunk most the time. I went on a vacation and drank so much I don't think I did anything but drink and passout in the sun. I started buying wine by the case and lowered my standards on the quality of it. Then I moved to buying it in boxes. I knew I was out of control when I realized that I was driving to work drunk and sobering up while I was there. Then came sitting in my car drinking at lunch. The most shameful thing I did was drive in that condition. I was lucky that I didn't kill me or someone else or ever get pulled over.

    By October I was so far gone that going a few hours without a drink made me nervous. I always made sure I had wine. I was getting up in the middle of the night to drink. My husband knew that I was out of control, but I would tell him it would be ok and I would stop drinking or cut back. Instead I started hiding it. I was so depressed and desperate that I thought about sucide a lot and I hated myself. I started to smell bad and looked worse. At the end of October I attended my first AA meeting, I was at the end of my rope. I did good for a week, then I had to go to CA to help my sister out. I attended meetings there and stayed sober. At the airport on the way home I started drinking again only this time the binge was really bad and lasted 7 days and I ended up in the hospital with a BAC of .357 from drinking wine only and off to Rehab I went. I was there for 14 days. It had it's pros and cons, but at least I was sober. After I was released I went to meetings all the time, but I felt outside myself all the time. I like AA, and I believed that I was powerless over Alcohol and my life was unmanagable, I felt like that I was now defective and broken and that was really tough for me.

    I found out that my company was starting to lay off people which would be the second time in a year. They asked for volenteers and I decided to be one of them, it was the best thing I could do. 3 days before Christmas I decided that I could have a glass of wine, well it turned into a 3 day bingefest including drinking other alcohol. I missed Christmas, I completely let down my husband and family and spent a few days in agony trying to come off of all the stuff I drank. It was the worse ever, the shakes, night sweats, couldn't hold anything down, major IBS and stomach problems.

    I started going back to meetings and in Jan my husband had to take a trip that would last 17 days. I started drinking and that last 7 days, then I sobered up long enough to interview and accept a new job, then back to drinking sobering up for a day or so. I joined him in Mid January and went to Fla. 2 weeks after getting back we spent a few days in Atlantic City I drank everyday again, but hiding it from him much better. He only saw the few drinks at the bar. The longest I had been sober was 6 days since New Years.

    I decided again to try to go 30 days without drinking starting on my Bday Feb 13th. I made it 7 days and drank this past Friday night. I don't know what the trigger was.

    So I'm going to try it again this week and see if I can make it 14 days and then see if I can keep going, I want to make it at least 30 - 60 and beyond.
    Those who cannot remember the past, are condemned to repeat it!


    :beach:

    #2
    My Journey to the bottom of the bottle

    Welcome

    Thanks for taking the time to share your story Prov. Although I've lived a different lifestyle no doubt than yourself I can relate to so much of your behavioral patterns with drink; the deceit with a partner, hiding drink, drinking in the mornings just to get over the previous days/nights drinking etc. Been there done it all my friend!!..

    Anyway just wanted to properly welcome you to the forum and AGAIN thanks for sharing and being so frank and honest.

    Love and Happiness
    Hippie
    xx
    "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
    Clean and sober 25th January 2009

    Comment


      #3
      My Journey to the bottom of the bottle

      Welcome to My Way Out! I can relate to so much of your story. You are not alone, that is for sure. I've experienced that progression from drinking too much on the weekends, to drinking every evening, to drinking more every evening, to "it's 5 o'clock somewhere" to "it's noon somewhere" etc. I think I understand anyway.

      Have you read the My Way Out Book? I found the recommended supplement package and the hypnosis CD's very, very helpful. (I have not ever taken any prescription meds, so can't speak to that) I also find the exercise and diet recommendations very helpful.

      I personally have expanded my personal recovery program to use parts of a number of different programs. I like the SMARTrecovery.org tools. 7 Weeks to Sobriety is an interesting read to explore more detailed information about the nutritional deficiencies that the MWO program works to address. Rational Recovery is interesting. I've recently started exploring AA which you have already found. Not trying to overwhelm you - just encourage you to explore the many options you have for help, and take what works and leave the rest behind.

      Best wishes to you.

      DG
      Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
      Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07


      One day at a time.

      Comment


        #4
        My Journey to the bottom of the bottle

        Thanks for sharing your story. I'm not sure I've read a story where someone went down that slippery slope quite so quickly. Since your alcoholic habits are not your life-long history, I believe your success here will be quickly achieved. But only if you keep coming here, reading a lot, make a plan for yourself, and do it. Many ideas for your plan can be found in the toolbox thread, under monthly abstinance.
        My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

        Comment


          #5
          My Journey to the bottom of the bottle

          Hi Providence, I also became a problem drinker to "numb" when life handed me painful events, although my progression was over a matter of a couple or more years. Have you thought about Antabuse? It might help you for a while ... just a thought. Anyway, welcome ...:welcome:
          :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

          Comment


            #6
            My Journey to the bottom of the bottle

            Sunbeam,

            Yes, it was a quick trip down the slope. Trust me my whole family and friends could not believe it either. I was rather shocked myself. I hate myself for it at times and I'm not sure why I drink like I do, once I get started there is no stopping me until the bottle is gone.

            I'm going to keep trying one day at a time, and research what works best for me. I don't think AA is the answer for me for now. I'm going to try SMART Recovery and continue seeing my therapist.
            Those who cannot remember the past, are condemned to repeat it!


            :beach:

            Comment


              #7
              My Journey to the bottom of the bottle

              Providence, what a sad story,..
              I can understand that there were many triggers keeping you down, including your grief over a very sad death.
              You did well to get out of a job that was toxic to your soul.
              Take care and believe that healing is possible.

              Comment

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