i have put myself in very dangerous situations while under the influence of alcohol, including driving while very intoxicated, getting into bar fights, ending up with strangers at the end of the night, taking pills, like vicodin and xanax, while drinking, blacking out, etc.
i am fine when i do not drink at all, and it feels like literally once alcohol touches my lips, i have no control. it's almost like the alcohol is controlling me. i can't go to a bar, club, or party without getting enebreated. i hate it. i always want to drink when something bad happens, and when something good happens. like if i fight with my boyfriend i want to go out and drink and if i get a good grade on my paper i want to go out drink, it's almost like a reward to myself.
my friends have all told me how worried they are about me, especially my boyfriend who wants me to seek help. my family doesn't know how bad i am, because i am never really home when i am drinking (and when i am, i drink discretely). i turn into a different person after drinking so much, and do a lot of things i normally wouldn't do. i become overly friendly with strangers, aggressive, and feel invincible.
i know i have a problem but i feel like i can do without treatment because it's not an everyday thing. it's been a week since i had a drink (and i literally only had 1 drink because it was during the day and i had to drive a long distance), and before that it was about a week (but i drank a bottle of wine to myself).
i'm worried that i am always going to have this problem with alcohol. and i don't want to completely eliminate alcohol from my life because i love the way it makes me feel and on the weekends i love going out with my friends and we usually go to bars or clubs. i bartended for 2 and a half years, up until december (because i got fired) which in a way maybe was a blessing in a disguise. i would get so drunk at work, some nights i wouldn't remember how i got home.
i just don't know what to do anymore. am i an alcoholic?
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