I first started feeling depressed when I was 13, it seemed to go in a cycle - I'd be at my worst in winter, at my best in mid summer. It took me years to realise that this was because my father left my family on Christmas eve when i was 9.
In those years I found alot of ways to deal with this: self harm was a favourite when I got frustrated, this happened often as I was bullied at school for being different (wrong hair cut, wrong clothes, wrong taste in music.) Smoking was another, but only occasionally, only when I had to deal with people.
Drinking only really started when I was 14 or 15. I met a guy who I fell in love with, he was an alcoholic already, had been from a very young age bless him. I decided to try drinking again, at the time he seemed happier for it and I soon found I could feel happier drinking too - less isolated, happier with myself. So i did it, and progressively i got in deeper and deeper, by age 15 I was drinking every day to get drunk. A couple of years ago my mother found a new boyfriend, less time to watch over me and my brother and sister, my drinking went up. i was stealing alcohol when she was looking to the point I was losing whole evenings - I'd start drinking when I got home from school, stop to go to bed and that was that.
So after boyfriend left mum, it was time for me to quit for the first time - I sucked at it, within a week I was back on the booze. Next quit attempt didn't happen until I nearly died. That shook my boyfriend, shook him into proposing and getting me to quit - but of course this is the alcoholic boyfriend who was still drinking, so it didn't seem too important. needless to say i was soon drinking again.
So why now then? because my drinking got worse - my sister was in a psychiatric unit, my brother went off the rails, I coudln't cope without being drunk, until the boyfriend, the boy I'd only ever known as an alcoholic quit. and when he quit he showed me the road i was going down and we tried together. he's doing well, I'm still struggling but together we're going to beat this
Well there you are, here I am, I've had another slip up, but tomorrow I start again, with my mother and fiance along for the ride. I am ThatGirl, I am 18 years and 2 months old, and I am going to beat this - one step at a time. This is my way out.
In those years I found alot of ways to deal with this: self harm was a favourite when I got frustrated, this happened often as I was bullied at school for being different (wrong hair cut, wrong clothes, wrong taste in music.) Smoking was another, but only occasionally, only when I had to deal with people.
Drinking only really started when I was 14 or 15. I met a guy who I fell in love with, he was an alcoholic already, had been from a very young age bless him. I decided to try drinking again, at the time he seemed happier for it and I soon found I could feel happier drinking too - less isolated, happier with myself. So i did it, and progressively i got in deeper and deeper, by age 15 I was drinking every day to get drunk. A couple of years ago my mother found a new boyfriend, less time to watch over me and my brother and sister, my drinking went up. i was stealing alcohol when she was looking to the point I was losing whole evenings - I'd start drinking when I got home from school, stop to go to bed and that was that.
So after boyfriend left mum, it was time for me to quit for the first time - I sucked at it, within a week I was back on the booze. Next quit attempt didn't happen until I nearly died. That shook my boyfriend, shook him into proposing and getting me to quit - but of course this is the alcoholic boyfriend who was still drinking, so it didn't seem too important. needless to say i was soon drinking again.
So why now then? because my drinking got worse - my sister was in a psychiatric unit, my brother went off the rails, I coudln't cope without being drunk, until the boyfriend, the boy I'd only ever known as an alcoholic quit. and when he quit he showed me the road i was going down and we tried together. he's doing well, I'm still struggling but together we're going to beat this
Well there you are, here I am, I've had another slip up, but tomorrow I start again, with my mother and fiance along for the ride. I am ThatGirl, I am 18 years and 2 months old, and I am going to beat this - one step at a time. This is my way out.
Comment