need a way out

[Mermaid]

I'm grappling with my weekend, and the aftermath. I'd love some support, and have been seeing the ghost of "alcohol past", and seeing how much it has touched my life in harmful ways. I posted this on someone else's thread earlier, as I'm very new here.
I had what I now know to be a blackout while out on a first date with someone. We had dinner, and enjoyed each other's company so much that we went to a martini bar. I don't remember getting home, but evidently made a fool of myself in front of some friends who were there, couldn't direct him to my house (luckily he remembered), asked him to go buy condoms (eeeeeeeeeeeeek,,as I had no intention of having sex with him on the first date). Luckily, by the time he got back, I had tossed up virtually everything in my stomach and then some... and was back in the real world. I sent him home, somewhat angry that he hadn't been a total gentleman (but I guess I asked). For the record, nothing happened, but I had to ask if it did. I think the general state of me after getting sick to my stomach wasn't condusive to sex with a drunken female. The next morning, he told me all the rest of it, and it appears we have no further plans to see each other. I had met him online, and that was our first and last meeting--and it had such promise, as the dinner had gone so well. I'm embarrassed to tears, and have been ill from a hangover through Sunday and yesterday. Today I took a half a Naltrexone. I have them because I cut down before with the pills. The only problem is that they tear up my stomach. I'd love to talk to someone, as this frightened me. I'm confronting a lot of ghosts, and am afraid of the future.

[cacky]

need a way out

Mermaid, That sucks that you just went through that this weekend. I think we have all been there. Blackouts are the worst. About a year ago, I blacked out in front of bunch of people from another company on a business trip. I think i flirted terribly with one of the men of the group. I became close friends (later on) with one of the women who just died last week. Well now the services are next week and i have to face some of the people (including the person i flirted with) for the first time face to face since my black out. Im going to have to grin and bear it but im still not sure all of what i did. Unfortunately the services happen to be in New York city on St Patricks day. Anyway I guess my message is that we all understand and as painful as it was over the last couple of days it will get better. Keep talking and listening..it will help

Cacky:welcome:

[Mermaid]

need a way out

Thanks. I don't know if I've ever seen or would know if someone were IN a blackout. Evidently, I had toruble with so many small tasks. I'd offered to buy the drinks, as he had bought dinner. I so wish that we had ended the night after dinner, but it was early....
I'm still feeling sick, and now I'm now sure if it is the nal or the hangover (which was all stomach based). Can you and others tell me more about blackouts?

[A Work in Progress]

need a way out

Mermaid, welcome. Your experience sounds terribly familiar to me, and I know to many others here. Use your determination to never go there again to help you make some changes.... and you can get a lot of support, and the makings of a change plan, here at MWO. Stick around, read the book, read the "tool box" thread, post a lot.

[Accountable for Me]

need a way out

Welcome!

Oh, I have been there on a few occasions back in my dating days. I always wondered why the guy never called me back after the first date? LOL. I seriously believed that getting drunk on the first date was normal. Oh, how wrong was I?

A lot of us understand the shame you are feeling. The thing is that you won't be seeing this man again; so just carry on. Learn from it and move forward. You will feel better in a few days.

I have also been in the situation where I had someone drive me home and I couldn't remember where I lived!!!! No word of a lie. I couldn't even speak except for a few slurred words, as I was so plastered.

So this friend from work, well, he, drove all around the neighbourhood for quite a while until I became coherent enough to tell him. That was SOOOO embarrassing. Especially seeing he was someone from work. I felt so stupid and embarrassed that I phoned him the next morning to apologize. Thankfully he totally understood as he has been sober for 23 years and had done some stuff himself.

Anyway, just know you are not alone. No way! Please stick around and get the support you need. Like WIP said, the tool box thread and the MWO Book are great places to start.

[Mermaid]

need a way out

Evidently, I didn't know where I lived either. We had dropped my car off after dinner (luckily), so he had that memory, and retraced his steps. I'm still trying ot figure out how to face and talk to the people that I knew. I know them well from different facets of my life.
I can't decide whether to take the nal again today, knowing that it totally messes with my stomach. It works though....I just want some achohol free days to rack up, so I can decide what it is I want to do. I've got the hypno CD's, some nal, some kudzu and now I'm here. I am, however, mortified at myself, and unable to sleep the last few nights from being embarrassed.

[Mia]

need a way out

Hi Mermaid and Welcome.
I have not posted on this site for a long time but have always been around readind and reading. You struck a nerve in me when I read your story. The blackouts!!! They are werse for me than the bloody hangovers.
I drink at home every night, I wake up the next morning cannot remember what I have eaten for dinner so I go look in the fridge or bin to jog my memory. Next thing I look in the TV guide to see what I watched on tv and think to myself ooohh thats right. Then I check my mobile and then my home phone just in case I have rung anyone up.
I even wright myself notes so I can read them the next morning just so I dont panic all day!
It really sucks.
Anyway I'm on second day AF..... Mermaid try and get AF days happening and stick around and I promise you, you will start to feel better you are not alone!!! xxxx

[sunshine09]

need a way out

dont be too hard..

oh honey... i feel your pain!!!!!!!!! it sounds as though i have done a lot worse pipissed though... i wonder if you had given in to sex if he wouldve seen you again...in my eyes if he was willing to have sex with you in that state but doesnt want to see you again he is NOT worth it...
been there done that!!!!!!!! im curious how the nal has worked for you?????????? i have just ordered it online because if the very story you have(and worse)... it seems we all need change... dont be too hard on your self little lady... we need a plan and that was all that came to me when i was up crying at 4 am... we need to put alot of effort into stopping this from happening again because it eats at our souls our hearts and our dignity... :welcome: