Hiya, saved telling my story until tonight for a reason:-
I had the most normal loveliest childhood that anyone could ever wish for. My Mam stayed at home cooking and cleaning all day (and was so happy doing that) and my Dad worked hard. I have/had two lovely older sisters - always asked my mam and dad was I supposed to be a boy or was I an accident??? They always
told my I was meant to be and was born out of pure love (My Mam later confided in me that I was a total accident and I was born out of a night of passion with my Dad) consequently I never caused them any sleepless nights and was always a happy baby always with a smile on my face - was people pleasing when I was two by the sounds of it lol! Funny cause I've always felt like that, that I've had to please people, and not myself. Nevertheless, was brought up in a loving home in lots of ways.
I married young and had two beautiful daughters by the time I was 23, although having two wonderful pregnancies, six months after my second baby I developed severe back pain - oh so bad pain that it took my breath away! I was always thin but I was beginning to look thinner and thinner and around that time my Dad was diagnosed with having bladder cancer. I would go to bed and think that I had cancer also - and sit in the bath wondering what to do. My husband new I wasn't okies and was working away at the time and one night he phoned up and I was in so much pain I was crying on the phone (which wasn't like me at all) and he made me call the doc - doc came and told me it was just a bad back and stop carrying kids on hips etc and back pain radiates a lot of pain! I continuted with that philosophy for six months and then my mam asked me why I looked so thin and was not eating or drinking - I told her what doc had said and she immediately sent me for private treatment (at a cost). After weeks of treatment, I was getting worse, not better and I was admitted to hospital - after loads of tests, told my left kidney was knackered and not functioning at all due to a congenital condition from birth, they were so surprised nothing picked up with my two pregnancies. I had a four hour operation and then 6 months later started forming bloody kidney stones! and then got scepepti semia (can't spell it) but bugger, thought I was gunna die!
Not long afterward, my Dad died - he was my brick through all my treatment etc - we had the same consultant (when needed in our home town). My Mam, absolutely went to pieces and my sisters went AWOL completely and left me to deal with it all, my Mam and all her worries running the house etc. My Dad ran a business all his life and died on his 65th birthday literally - I had all his pensions to sort out and sorted all his affairs out.
Got my Mam sorted out and even built an extension on my house for her (a granny flat). I always thoughts my Mam and sisters different from me cause they could supp some booze and I couldn't even drink two glasses without feeling sick! After my op though, slowly but surely, I learnt to drink and I learn to see in it what they all saw in it.
My Mam was such a lovely person (if not selfish in a little way, but I put that down to nieveaty in lots of ways). She spent a lot of time at my home after my Dad died and used the excuse that she was babysitting for me. Anyhow, I made her come out with myself one particular night - we both love piano, I play piano and if anyone I know my mam was the one that always pushed me with it - we both had a passion about chopin. She wanted me and my hubby to go out but I insisted that I took her out - I took her to a very well known place ( I had my wedding reception there), that had a piano player in it and we talked and talked about music. When it was time to go home I went to phone a cab and was assaulted so badly by the owner's wife of the place, my mam came to get me and was thrown to the ground - she was a 66 year old inoffensive woman that hadn't hurt anyone in her life ever! I shouldn't have been assaulted but my Mam?
This took its toll on my Mam - she became a person I didn't know at all - she bearly spoke and six weeks later she committed suicide.
I found her, have lots of issues about it, it is the anniversary of her death today. She was such a loving Mam.
I had the most normal loveliest childhood that anyone could ever wish for. My Mam stayed at home cooking and cleaning all day (and was so happy doing that) and my Dad worked hard. I have/had two lovely older sisters - always asked my mam and dad was I supposed to be a boy or was I an accident??? They always
told my I was meant to be and was born out of pure love (My Mam later confided in me that I was a total accident and I was born out of a night of passion with my Dad) consequently I never caused them any sleepless nights and was always a happy baby always with a smile on my face - was people pleasing when I was two by the sounds of it lol! Funny cause I've always felt like that, that I've had to please people, and not myself. Nevertheless, was brought up in a loving home in lots of ways.
I married young and had two beautiful daughters by the time I was 23, although having two wonderful pregnancies, six months after my second baby I developed severe back pain - oh so bad pain that it took my breath away! I was always thin but I was beginning to look thinner and thinner and around that time my Dad was diagnosed with having bladder cancer. I would go to bed and think that I had cancer also - and sit in the bath wondering what to do. My husband new I wasn't okies and was working away at the time and one night he phoned up and I was in so much pain I was crying on the phone (which wasn't like me at all) and he made me call the doc - doc came and told me it was just a bad back and stop carrying kids on hips etc and back pain radiates a lot of pain! I continuted with that philosophy for six months and then my mam asked me why I looked so thin and was not eating or drinking - I told her what doc had said and she immediately sent me for private treatment (at a cost). After weeks of treatment, I was getting worse, not better and I was admitted to hospital - after loads of tests, told my left kidney was knackered and not functioning at all due to a congenital condition from birth, they were so surprised nothing picked up with my two pregnancies. I had a four hour operation and then 6 months later started forming bloody kidney stones! and then got scepepti semia (can't spell it) but bugger, thought I was gunna die!
Not long afterward, my Dad died - he was my brick through all my treatment etc - we had the same consultant (when needed in our home town). My Mam, absolutely went to pieces and my sisters went AWOL completely and left me to deal with it all, my Mam and all her worries running the house etc. My Dad ran a business all his life and died on his 65th birthday literally - I had all his pensions to sort out and sorted all his affairs out.
Got my Mam sorted out and even built an extension on my house for her (a granny flat). I always thoughts my Mam and sisters different from me cause they could supp some booze and I couldn't even drink two glasses without feeling sick! After my op though, slowly but surely, I learnt to drink and I learn to see in it what they all saw in it.
My Mam was such a lovely person (if not selfish in a little way, but I put that down to nieveaty in lots of ways). She spent a lot of time at my home after my Dad died and used the excuse that she was babysitting for me. Anyhow, I made her come out with myself one particular night - we both love piano, I play piano and if anyone I know my mam was the one that always pushed me with it - we both had a passion about chopin. She wanted me and my hubby to go out but I insisted that I took her out - I took her to a very well known place ( I had my wedding reception there), that had a piano player in it and we talked and talked about music. When it was time to go home I went to phone a cab and was assaulted so badly by the owner's wife of the place, my mam came to get me and was thrown to the ground - she was a 66 year old inoffensive woman that hadn't hurt anyone in her life ever! I shouldn't have been assaulted but my Mam?
This took its toll on my Mam - she became a person I didn't know at all - she bearly spoke and six weeks later she committed suicide.
I found her, have lots of issues about it, it is the anniversary of her death today. She was such a loving Mam.
zwink:
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