Drinking alone

[Luvwins]

Around the time that I turned forty I crossed a line, a drinking taboo, that changed alcohol for me from a non-problem to a huge problem. That line was allowing myself to drink alone, sipping straight from a bottle of hard liquor. Acquiring that habit coincided with a time in my life when I could get away with it. I had broken up with my partner of 12 years (from whom I could have never kept that kind of thing hidden). I subsequently met my now husband and have been together about 10 years. He is by his own admission, the last-to-know about things that are obvious to everyone else and indeed hasn?t figured out about my drinking problem. We had two children early on in the relationship who are now 6 and 8 (I didn?t drink during my pregnancies). The drinking has really escalated in the past three years, doing more risky things and spending more time and energy on planning when and how to drink. Now I am drinking almost daily.
I have a professional job which is part-time, 3 to 4 days a week with a long commute. I feel frazzled and have no time to nurture myself. I am starting to realize that maybe most mothers of small children are frazzled but of course long work days don?t help. And of all the wonderful things that parenting have brought to me happiness may not be one of them. Being a mom has been lonely and isolating for me. I have always been slow to make new friends and the 180 degree turn of becoming a late-in-life mom made my old friendships harder to maintain.
I discovered this web site about a year ago and have read a lot but posted little. It has been extremely useful for understanding and I am in awe of many of the people who post here. Parts of the MWO program I have utilized: I have read the book, tried to remember to take the kudzu and read many posts. Things I haven?t done but think might be useful for me: taken topamax (I actually went to my doctor under the guise of getting it for my migraines but my insurance wouldn?t have covered it), used the hypnotherapy cds (can?t figure out where the extra minutes could come from in my day) or told a real person I have this problem.
I am finally posting on ?Tell your story? today to salvage something from my day. I missed my first day of work ever from a hangover when I awoke vomiting today. I am taking this rare down time in my schedule to make this positive step - to put thoughts to paper in hope that it could be therapeutic. Thanks for listening and thanks to all of you who have shared so much on this site.

[mooderator]

Drinking alone

:welcome:
Hiya Luv,

You have taken a great step forward by posting here. It takes courage to do it and it marks the beginning of real change. At least it has do far for me. I sincerely believe it can for you to.

If you have read a lot here already you will be familiar with all the resources. Have you tried the drinktracker? I find this very good as it makes me publically and personally accountable. You could also try keeping a log of how you get on with AF time or modding or whatever you decide is the right thing for you. I have found this very helpful.

Whatever you decide you utilise, you will find the most valuable asset it the caring and support of all the guys here. They are here to share in your triumphs and also if things are not going so great too.

Post lots, good luck and a big welcome

Mooo

[Seacailin]

Drinking alone

Hello and Welcome Luv
You are off to a great start.:welcome:

[Accountable for Me]

Drinking alone

Luvwins;570257 wrote:
I have a professional job which is part-time, 3 to 4 days a week with a long commute. I feel frazzled and have no time to nurture myself. I am starting to realize that maybe most mothers of small children are frazzled but of course long work days don?t help. And of all the wonderful things that parenting have brought to me happiness may not be one of them. Being a mom has been lonely and isolating for me. I have always been slow to make new friends and the 180 degree turn of becoming a late-in-life mom made my old friendships harder to maintain.

I can relate to everything you said in this paragraph.

Have you thought about seeing a doctor about depression? It sounds like you could be suffering from depression, which, could be why you are drinking. I was severely depressed and didn't know it, until I got some help to quit drinking.

Ever since my doctor and my therapist got me onto the road of recovery with meds and counseling; my life hasn't been better. The more time I have sober; the better I feel and, the more excited I am about everything, including parenting.

It might be something to check into.

[flyinhigh]

Drinking alone

Luv
I can relate, I am a single mother who did not have to hide my drinking, for my child was in bed when I cracked the bottle. She is ten now and I too have come to realize the lack luster to this alcoholic way of life. I find it very lonely and challenging and the bottle was my resolve, it was a way to escape my reality. I, like you, am trying to get my feet on the ground. I am trying to do this for her, but more so for me. I find mwo helps me gather my thoughts, educate me and also find others to support me through this arduous journey. I hope you will come here before you crack the bottle and get clarity on who you want to be before AL creeps in and takes over.
We can do this!
fly

[inhiding]

Drinking alone

d

[peacenik]

Drinking alone

luv, i always drank alone. i could go out with frineds and be the driver, but nights at home i needed and escape from the reality of being a wife and mom (something i never thought i would be) add to that the fact that i gave up my life to move to a TINY town in the middle of nowhere to be married and i believe i was drinking out of boredom. i understand how you feel and hope that you can get the support you need here. through this site i have been able to be honest with my husband and 10 year old daughter (and myself!) and am now enrolled in college, exercising daily and making time to live my life.

stay here, make time for it...it will help you help yourself.

peace

[Joanna]

Drinking alone

Luv

Me too majority of drinking on my own in the evening to escape the boredom of being a mum. Habit habit habit escalated into problem drinking right before my eyes and it happened so gradually I never even saw it coming till I was doing 100 units a week and more.

Boredom habit boredom habit.......still bored but truly think have kicked the habit for now. You are not alone. I really hope you will find posting here therapeutic. You can put whatever you like and you will find others who have experienced the same and can empathize with you. Wishing you well.......

[peacenik]

Drinking alone

joanna, my mom always said "boring people get bored", but we aren't boring!!!!

[Luvwins]

Drinking alone

Thanks

Thanks all for your kind support and replies. It?s good to feel supported and not alone in my predicament.

Mooo, I haven?t tried the drinktracker yet - I?d have to keep track of drinks by inches on the vodka bottle (uggh). I did try tracking in my own notebook with AF, mod, dog days and double dog days but gave it a rest when I wasn?t really changing my behavior.

Accountable, you are right on about the depression. I did a lot of work on that issue in my pre-mom, pre-troubled drinking days, including counselling, journaling, music and Prozac. When I finally took the Prozac for a major episode it was like absolute magic. I was a phone call away from re-starting about a year ago and in the typical procrastination mode of the depressed never made the call. The major barrier to re-starting is the complete death of a sex drive while on Prozac. Also my mood is pulling out of the funk now as the weather lifts and some outside stressors have eased - enjoyment of things is seeping back in.

Peacenik, Joanna, Flyinhigh - thanks for your thoughts about boredom and loneliness in this mom-job. And drinking is so about habit, habit, habit. Got to change the habit part of it. The drinking doesn?t make anything better - duh.

Yesterday I did not drink and today The Usual Time has not arrived. Melissa Ethridge and I tackled the clutter in the laundry room -accomplishment on the clutter front always feels good. Also having no one home is absolute heaven. Kids at school, husband running errands and SIL gone for a few days.

[Too Anxious]

Drinking alone

Luvwins;570257 wrote: And of all the wonderful things that parenting have brought to me happiness may not be one of them. Being a mom has been lonely and isolating for me. I have always been slow to make new friends and the 180 degree turn of becoming a late-in-life mom made my old friendships harder to maintain.

I can relate to this 110 %. I work full time, have two young kids (21 months and 4,5 years), am an expat... and the only way to reward myself after a long day has been wine. Counterproductive as hell!

And the ever present quilt: not a good mom, can't control my drinking even with two little ones who completely depend on me, should feel blissfully fulfilled by momness but don't etc. I know it's all BS but still.

It helps reading posts like this and knowing that someone somewhere knows what it's like.

All the best to you Luvwins!

[retteacher]

Drinking alone

Luv: I too drank alone. I'm putting that in the past tense, because I won't do it again. I read here at MWO that a person goes to a whole different (& more dangerous) level of drinking when he/she starts to drink alone. If you have some free time when you are alone, perhaps you can come to MWO & share some more. The 30 day abs forum is for people who want to give up AL for 30 days or more. There's a daily thread that's very supportive. Also, there is a tools thread that offers some great suggestions for conquering those urges. I have had a very up & down journey since I came here almost 2 years ago, but I'm definitely on the road to recovery. Good luck, Mary

[Doggygirl]

Drinking alone

On Drinking Alone...

First off, welcome to MWO Luvwins. I can relate to so much of your story - except I'm not a Mom. (well, of small humans anyway. I do have 4 dogs and a husband. )

I migrated from being a "work hard play hard" corporate drinker (still a problem drinker) to a "leave me alone" a prisoner in my own home drinker. One of the joys of sobriety for me is returning to a life outside my house! But that was a scary prospect at first. I was so ingrained in my lonely ways that it's been a real process getting out into life again.

But it happens one step at a time as long as I stay sober. It has been a difficult journey but a very worthwhile one. I will be 10 months alcohol free on Sunday.

I can't even imagine how busy and exhausting it must be to work in the corporate world AND be a good Mom. For me, drinking also consumed a LOT of my time and a whole bunch of my energy. I didn't realize quite how MUCH time and energy drinking took from me until I stopped the madness. I also thought drinking was a "stress reliever" but especially given all the guilt and hiding, etc, etc. my drinking CREATED more stress in my life. I am a lot more even keel now and have a lot more time to do productive things.

So you might be surprised at how much madness drinking creates when you THINK it is a stress reliever. AL is a liar. Drinking is a punishment for me - not a reward.

Best wishes to you. I echo Mary's invitation to check out the Monthly Abs section's Toolbox and AF Daily threads.

DG