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**peacenik** · March 13, 2009, 12:31 AM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

you know the truth dear, you just wrote it down. keep reading it when you feel the urge to drink and remember why you don't want to put your body and mind through this anymore.

check out the "why i hate, loathe, despise alcohol" thread in the abstainers section...it's a good reminder about how bad al is and why we all want to get out from under it!

good for you for taking the first steps and for realizing you need to change.

peace!

**Shattered** · March 13, 2009, 01:03 AM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

I felt exactly how you describe yourself nearly two weeks ago. When i read posts like yours i feel your pain. You know how bad it is we dont need to tell you but maybe something i could do is tell you how great it feels to be AF. I've have made a decision to just not drink and its working for me. I was a binge drinker so to go days AF was easy to me but its when i have a challenging situation is when i feel weak and might just have two.......two to twenty is a better way of putting it. So im looking at it as one challenging situation at a time. I have been AF for 1 week and 5 days but in that time i have been camping which i would normally just sit around drinking beer etc. The closest thing i had to a beer was a ginger beer. Alcohol also makes me feel depressed the next day and i guess thats how you are feeling so maybe you should try not drinking for a while at least and see how you feel. Knowing that i wont make a mockery of myself to anyone and everyone is motivation enough for me.

Next challenging situation is coming up this weekend having dinner with both of my sisters who i have always enjoyed drinking with but not this time it feels too good to wake up knowing what i did and said.

**Guitarista** · March 13, 2009, 05:32 AM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

Hiya Sunshine. You posting like this, and being on this site, is a big, positive move. Your luck will run out soon, because you're ripping your true self off. Get a plan together, as to how you're going to tackle this. Do your research, which it sounds like you are doing. I would strongly recommend you consider going for 30 days off the grog to get a fresh headspace to start with. This af period will really get you thinking. Get some medical advice and support firstly though, as withdrawal can be dangerous for some of us. And keep reading everything here. All the best. Go for it!.................G.

**sunshine09** · March 13, 2009, 08:51 PM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

thankyou guys for your support!!!!!!!! i went out last night for many hours and i didnt really get drunk and i remember everything.... so thats a start!!!!!! yea i really need to address this though... will keep posting ... this site really helps me.... thankyou again...

**cacky** · March 13, 2009, 09:33 PM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

Sunshine., Admiting there is a problem is the first step. Campral is tricky because you have to take it 3 times a day every day. Try to reduce your risks and your drinking if you can on a daily basis. Keep talking.

**Sunbeam** · March 14, 2009, 09:12 AM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

Sunshine,
Try to make your own list of as many situations as possible, when you drank too much and what happened. Post that list where you will see it many times a day. Start with a print out of what you have written here. Read it every time you think about having a drink. Keep posting here, and read the posts of others like you. It will all sink in if you keep doing this. I think the meds are not as important as writing down all those horrible realities about your drinking.

**brightlite** · March 20, 2009, 10:04 AM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

Sunshine,

Stay out of the Pubs/Bars! Find something else to do. Yes, your luck will run out. Don't sleep around, you will hate yourself for that! Besides it is way too dangerous with HIV and STD's. Come on girl get your head on straight.

There you said Bring it On! So there it is...stop having drunk mindless casual sex!!

**shirazgirl** · March 20, 2009, 11:12 AM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

w/ the exception of sleeping w/ strangers (I chose my best opposite sex friend and ruined a cherished relationship), I have been right there with you. My brain was "broken" and I thought I couldn't have fun w/out drinking. Once you decide to stop, you do need to stay out of the pubs and bars. With the exception of a restaurant, I stay clear....major trigger.

Someone once said to me "you need to learn to live a simpler life". I live by those words today. I quit drinking wine last August.....was down to 3 beers 2x a week on my bowling league and have now taken that off the table since March 2nd.

I am learning to have fun again w/ hobbies and exercise. Change your habits. Sleeping around only makes us feel disgusting. TRUST ME....you will NOT miss the self loathing that being an addict brings. That reward in of in itself outweighs any drunk laughter we experience.

One foot in front of the other.......Be well.

**mooderator** · March 20, 2009, 12:08 PM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

Firstly I agree with you that it took balls to send your post and you should be commended for that. It probably means you are ready start your process (whatever that is). I know the first day I posted I posted my thoughts and made a plan. I added to that thread at both times when I felt positive and times when I did not. I did it for ME as a reminded to myself why I did not want to drink for a while and how I would not. I therefore wholeheartedly agree with sunbeam on this, write it down, use all the negative experiences to help you now.

I am not on any meds, so I cant honestly comment about that. They are a personal thing and of course it will depend if you are suffering pysical addiction (I was not at all) and a whole range of other issues I guess.

I can say that since the day I committed to that first post 27 days ago I am AF (I initally chose to go lent, then increased it to 55 days). So exactly half way today. I wont say there hasnt been the odd moment or wobble, but I can tell you I feel amazing for it and so will you. You will get as much help as you need from here, post all your thoughts and keep a thread is my advise.

Be lucky and be happy....Moooo

**sunshine_gg** · March 20, 2009, 01:47 PM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

Good luck, sunny one... print this post and keep it with you!

**Ripple** · March 20, 2009, 03:38 PM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

eggy ... balls are good, that means you are HONEST ,,, I can relate to you so well..

*** this is me too. when Frank would say, what a great nite we had, we did?

eggy ....
i have woken up countless times and not remembered if i had had sex or not ~

I'll be back, gotta go rest some more.. your A normal egg, just a bit cracked like me. Take care, and continue to admit your faults, it okay, that means your on the mend.

Love ya.. Ripps.. :l

**shelley** · March 21, 2009, 10:31 PM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

i think we must have been separated at birth or something................. all the things you mentioned done it myself - except the broken bones (must be made of rubber!) cos god only knows how i haven't. i know exactly what you mean and how you feel - i always forget how shit the drinking is when i actually start drinking because i will get in a mindset that i love it and that i'm having a good time, so easily forget all the shit that comes with it, i guess thats what you call convincing yourself (and i'm very persuasive) xxxxxxxx

**sunshine09** · March 22, 2009, 03:13 AM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

oh thanks guys for the reality check... i feel like shit today... i ordered naltrexone on line the other day to give it a go and hope to god it will work for me... im really worried about the emotional side of things though... when things get tough i will grab the closest bottle and drink till blackout.. ok so if my receptors are blocked what do i do with the emotional pain... i guess im going to have to learn to deal with that one... what can i do to replace being drunk?????????? arrggggggggg

**sunshine09** · March 22, 2009, 03:14 AM

this is my story.. good god this took balls!!!!

and shelly... maybe we were seperated at birth... long lost twins... ha ha≥... thankyou to all of you for your support..... light and love to you all....

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