I don?t know where to start. It is very weird for me to even consider coming to this website, let alone register and now write.
I have been married for almost two years now. My husband and I have always been big party animals and everything that goes with it. There used to be drugs involved but I was always scared of it so never got to the point that it was a problem to move on and write it off as being young.
The problem started just before we got engaged. At that time my husband was in a job where, in my opinion, he got too much money for what we could handle. (Not as if we had bought a house or anything, it was just a case of each month we spend ALL of the money and could not wait for pay day, how sad!) A lot of the money went to eating and drinking like rich men. I must also add that my husband was very stressed in his job and took medication for anxiety attacks. So when there was an opportunity for another job he took it without hesitation. Then anxiety attacks stopped but with it his big salary. So we had a bit of a financial crush and moved in with his mother before the wedding. Even there, there was always incidences where we went out, I went back home and he will show up much later and very drunk.
When we moved into our own little bachelors flat after the wedding, I became really worried. The days we woke up and he cut his hands with a knife and the bed is full of blood, broke his arm, the times he broke all our glasses and lost my phone. The time he went out with the gardener (???), when he went out after I?m asleep and later boast about it to our friends. Couple of times I woke up and went looking for him. The amount of times I phoned my friends and told them I am going to leave him, quit while I?m ahead. I knew I was also guilty as I enjoyed having wine with dinner so whenever he showed up at home with wine I never said much. Later I started giving rules as to which days wine was allowed, mostly these rules just lasted a couple of days.
End of last year I got a new job and we moved to a nice house. My salary has now been more than my husband?s for more than two years. Everything went so well in the new place. Only problem was there were still too many evenings with too much wine, but we could afford it again! For the last month I have controlled my drinking and started exercising again. Every time I get home after my jog I am so annoyed seeing him on the patio with his beer or wine. Recently it got out of hand again when we were invited to dinner with friends in the middle of the week and on the way back stopped for a glass of wine (it was still early, 8 o?clock). When we got home I went to bed. I woke up at 3 when a disturbingly drunk hubby came home! The whole thing started again. Me having to bring back rules, he breaking them, this time alone. A week later it happened again. Just worse than ever. We had dinner (okay so this day I had wine also). I went to bed to wake up at 5 o?clock when he phoned me from a strange number to pick him up, about 30km from home; he lost the car, his phone, my bank card?.
I now realize that to help him I have to be even stronger than I have been so far. I just can?t get him to admit to getting help. He thinks starting to drink light beer will help, problem is if he drinks one he?ll drink 20!
Pardon the long biography; I just need to know what to do. I want to have children and be a good parent as my parents have been, I just don?t want them to have a father like that. He is not a bad person (I guess that?s been said a lot!) but I need him to realize we are not students anymore and become responsible. Where do I start?
I have been married for almost two years now. My husband and I have always been big party animals and everything that goes with it. There used to be drugs involved but I was always scared of it so never got to the point that it was a problem to move on and write it off as being young.
The problem started just before we got engaged. At that time my husband was in a job where, in my opinion, he got too much money for what we could handle. (Not as if we had bought a house or anything, it was just a case of each month we spend ALL of the money and could not wait for pay day, how sad!) A lot of the money went to eating and drinking like rich men. I must also add that my husband was very stressed in his job and took medication for anxiety attacks. So when there was an opportunity for another job he took it without hesitation. Then anxiety attacks stopped but with it his big salary. So we had a bit of a financial crush and moved in with his mother before the wedding. Even there, there was always incidences where we went out, I went back home and he will show up much later and very drunk.
When we moved into our own little bachelors flat after the wedding, I became really worried. The days we woke up and he cut his hands with a knife and the bed is full of blood, broke his arm, the times he broke all our glasses and lost my phone. The time he went out with the gardener (???), when he went out after I?m asleep and later boast about it to our friends. Couple of times I woke up and went looking for him. The amount of times I phoned my friends and told them I am going to leave him, quit while I?m ahead. I knew I was also guilty as I enjoyed having wine with dinner so whenever he showed up at home with wine I never said much. Later I started giving rules as to which days wine was allowed, mostly these rules just lasted a couple of days.
End of last year I got a new job and we moved to a nice house. My salary has now been more than my husband?s for more than two years. Everything went so well in the new place. Only problem was there were still too many evenings with too much wine, but we could afford it again! For the last month I have controlled my drinking and started exercising again. Every time I get home after my jog I am so annoyed seeing him on the patio with his beer or wine. Recently it got out of hand again when we were invited to dinner with friends in the middle of the week and on the way back stopped for a glass of wine (it was still early, 8 o?clock). When we got home I went to bed. I woke up at 3 when a disturbingly drunk hubby came home! The whole thing started again. Me having to bring back rules, he breaking them, this time alone. A week later it happened again. Just worse than ever. We had dinner (okay so this day I had wine also). I went to bed to wake up at 5 o?clock when he phoned me from a strange number to pick him up, about 30km from home; he lost the car, his phone, my bank card?.
I now realize that to help him I have to be even stronger than I have been so far. I just can?t get him to admit to getting help. He thinks starting to drink light beer will help, problem is if he drinks one he?ll drink 20!
Pardon the long biography; I just need to know what to do. I want to have children and be a good parent as my parents have been, I just don?t want them to have a father like that. He is not a bad person (I guess that?s been said a lot!) but I need him to realize we are not students anymore and become responsible. Where do I start?
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