This is not a love song...

[Bonbon]

This is not a love song...

Fickle, you said this,

"Bella, it is too late to leave out my husband’s involvement as he has told our daughter clearly that her uncle is evil and said all kinds of things I don’t know about. She said to me that it was so unfair that her father and I had both been so damning of him and won’t let her see him without any kind of explanation as to why. There were tears in her eyes and I guess I can understand that."

I have two teenage children and although they love their aunts and uncles, they don't see a great deal of them (due to us living in a different city) and I can't really imagine them crying if they didn't see them for a while. The fact she's upset seems to imply that her uncle has had a bit to say about what's happened and is portraying himself as blameless.

I know this might cause a stir on here, but if you really suspect that she has been talking to him, either because she is secretive and minimises the computer screen if you enter the room, or if she doesn't meet your eye if you mention his name, etc, then it might be time to check out whether she is talking to him and get one of those programs that record her keystrokes.

Now I know that privacy is important to a person, especially to a teenager, but there are situations which merit it. Safety (both emotional and physical) are far more important than privacy - I'm sure anyone whose child has gone missing would tell you that.

It seems to me that this guy is trying to infiltrate your family via your daughter and you need to respond as though she's under attack. If a boy from school intended to cause her harm, you'd obviously respond. You have to be sure she's safe - if it takes a twenty dollar program to do that, then so be it.

[Ripple]

This is not a love song...

Dear ..

fickle, i have always had a love for you!! I now know why. :l

its okay, things happen for a reason.

Love ya no matter wot.. Ripples.. :l:l:l

[fickle]

This is not a love song...

Thanks Rippers, love you too! Hope you are doin OK gal.:l
Bon I talked to her dad today. It was ok.. he was glad I called to let him know and agreed with what I'd said, I just hope he's ok over next few days. (I just wish he had mafia contacts and could off the bad guy. That would be soooooooooo nice & simple.) I am definitely looking into a progam like what you describe.. any suggestions welcome. The ones I've found are V expensive.
Now I'm not gonna reply anymore to this thread for a while as there are so many others needing more attention than me.. I won't post again until there is some sort of reasonable news. (Don't want to keep bumping this one where there are others out there needing to be noticed.) As I said I am in a much better frame of mind because of all you wonderful people and I think this will be OK. I am now armed with a lot more confidence and fortitude than before.
Much love & gratitude to all who replied :h

[beautifulred]

This is not a love song...

Fickle,

I agree with eveyone else....you have handled this well.

Now that daughter is being contacted by uncle....I think it is time for the absulute truth...dishonesty, in any form, always come back to haunt.

I would suggest a counselor for the three of you. Counselor should be told everything before meeting with your daughter then all of you should go....this will not be easy and, if she is like any other 16 year old, she may be angry with everyone for awhile but she needs to be kept safe from the bastard uncle at all costs and the only way to make sure he does not wiesel his way into her life is to arm her with the truth.

Just my opinion.

The very best of luck to you and your daughter Fickle!
BR

[Ripple]

This is not a love song...

I agree, talk therapy helps best.
My counselor is a friend, a person i can trust, someone who listens when i need it!
Thank The Lord, i have a good one.

Best To You fickle.. i know you will do right.

Love ya ..

Ripples.

[aprilmoon]

This is not a love song...

What a horrible thing for your family to have had to go thru.

Your daughter is 16 and only you know the level of her maturity. Some 16 year olds could not handle the truth of the situation and some could.

I agree with the ones that say if you are going to tell her anything you have to tell her the truth. If she finds out later that you sugar coated it she may be upset.

This "hero" brother has held a reign of terror on your family for long enough. He is evil and sick. Stop this cycle now. He has a hold on your husband, has effected your marriage, do not let him do any harm to your daughter.

You could always just tell her what my Mama always told me. "Because I said so" meaning if you tell her to delete the message and have not contact with him she should just do it because you said so. Then explain everything to her when you think she is ready. I always hated when my Mama said that to me, but it stopped me from asking any more questions.

Your first job as a mother is to protect your child. You have done a wonderful job thus far and I feel you will find the right time to have this talk with your daughter. Best wishes!:h

[rubywillow]

This is not a love song...

Fick, one of my Mother's brother-in-laws was a pervert, (not as bad as yours) and the only reason he died a natural death was because my Daddy didn't know what he was always up to. I don't know much about FaceBook, etc., but don't they have any way of policing themselves against people like him? I know there are many agencies in the US that work specifically to trap these monsters who use the internet to look for new victims. Keeping our young daughters (and sons!) safe is more terrifying these days since they can come right into our homes with their poisen. We're here for you.