Fickle, you said this,
"Bella, it is too late to leave out my husband’s involvement as he has told our daughter clearly that her uncle is evil and said all kinds of things I don’t know about. She said to me that it was so unfair that her father and I had both been so damning of him and won’t let her see him without any kind of explanation as to why. There were tears in her eyes and I guess I can understand that."
I have two teenage children and although they love their aunts and uncles, they don't see a great deal of them (due to us living in a different city) and I can't really imagine them crying if they didn't see them for a while. The fact she's upset seems to imply that her uncle has had a bit to say about what's happened and is portraying himself as blameless.
I know this might cause a stir on here, but if you really suspect that she has been talking to him, either because she is secretive and minimises the computer screen if you enter the room, or if she doesn't meet your eye if you mention his name, etc, then it might be time to check out whether she is talking to him and get one of those programs that record her keystrokes.
Now I know that privacy is important to a person, especially to a teenager, but there are situations which merit it. Safety (both emotional and physical) are far more important than privacy - I'm sure anyone whose child has gone missing would tell you that.
It seems to me that this guy is trying to infiltrate your family via your daughter and you need to respond as though she's under attack. If a boy from school intended to cause her harm, you'd obviously respond. You have to be sure she's safe - if it takes a twenty dollar program to do that, then so be it.
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