Confused

[rebus]

:new:
This is so difficult right now, but here goes, as a female I have realized that I drink far too much, however, I have stopped now for 7 days and feel great and have no desire at the moment to drink, I am married to a merchant seaman, a good man, but also a heavy drinker, he will be back soon, and I am worried sick about starting again with him, I am so confused at the moment, as I just dont know if I just drink heavily, or its more serious, please any advice would be wonderful

Many thanks

[Evie.Lou]

Confused

Welcome to MWO. I understand that is confusing right now. it will take some time to figure it all out. You have come to a wonderful place with lots of people who understand what you are going thru. Stay close to this site. Read and post alot. I look forward to getting to know you.

[Mackeral]

Confused

Hello Rebus and welcome..

As a man like you say he'll proberly come home and expect the big drinking session...Me being a bloke also can see the rejection and the somthing being up WHEN you dont...Its how my mind would work..Make it clear from the start that your not drinking..If your open with him about drink say why...If not tell him your on a health binge or somthing..The last thing you want is awkwardness when your doing something so positive for yourself..

BTW please if you see yourself as having a drinking problem..which is why i suppose your here..do something now before it gets more difficult or god forbid too late..

Best of luck to you and your husband,,

[tlrgs]

Confused

:hello2::colorwelcome::wave::groupluv:

[Prest4time]

Confused

Hi Rubus

When you are separated due to work it causes stress. I understand. Hang in there... this really takes a decision on your part; but know there is wonderful support here which can launch you on and provide a lot of companionship and encouragement in the days to come. Welcome!

P4T

[Lavande]

Confused

Welcome Rubus,

Probably a lot of us were wondering if we really had a drinking problem when we started here. I was fairly certain I did, even though I would never admit it to anyone else. Seemed so demeaning.

I'm glad you found MWO. Be sure to do lots of reading here, it will all start to make sense soon. Download the MWO book, it will give you lots of answers and help you make a good plan for yourself.

And, remember that you are never alone here

Best wishes,
Lavande

[~iirene~]

Confused

7 days is a strong indication you can change. another 7 days may prove whether alcohol is really a problem or not. for me 7 days is okay, the next day after 7, is a challenge, thats why i am here too. here is my hello, i enrolled a few weeks ago and forgot my password, so i am a new person now. i'm with ya rebus.

[irish eyes]

Confused

Welcome Rebus and Irene. Loads of information and help available here, stick around for a while ..... and u wont want to leave.:welcome:

[rebus]

Confused

Hi everyone,

I would like to start by saying to everyone who replied to me and welcomed me, thank you all so much,its given me so much to know I can talk to people for support, and hopefully in the future vice versa,
I have a feeling my husband when he comes home will support me, however, if he continues to drink which is obviously his choice, and I abstain, I am terrified it will create a rift, as he could think I am not enjoying myself, or not happy, does that make sense, I know all this is early days, and my mind is all over the place, but I have to do this for me, and just hope.

Thanks again

and best wishes to you all

[ezzmae]

Confused

Hi Rebus

My husband was also my drinking partner and between us we were deadly. When I first started to get AF days I insisted that he doesn't drink beer, the only thing I drink, but he could have anything else. This worked for a while until I got stronger. Now he can drink whatever he wants, I even buy him beer, and at the moment we have a lot of beer in the house and neither of us is drinking it. Without his drinking buddy he moderates.

Just remember that this is your journey and just be honest with him at all times about how you feel with AL. Don't lie to him that everything is OK when it isn't, give him the chance to support you.

Good luck.

[here2change]

Confused

:new: Hey, Im new here too. How scary is this first step? Well... not as scary as not taking it. I too have been wondering if I truly have a problem. I mean I know several people that drink more than me (or at least did). But the longer I deny its out of control, the worse it gets. I am so happy to be here and begin this new chapter in my life. I will download all the materials and get started.

[SAUSAGE]

Confused

Rebus
Hi - and welcome - just wanted to add something here regarding partners who drink when you are trying to abstain. My husband continues to drink (he is in the Royal Navy - UK) - I would say his alcohol levels are at the upper end of the "what is healthy" range, but I do not believe he is an alcoholic. Regarding the possible "rift" that you mentioned above - my advice would be
Mention you've stopped drinking but don't go on and on about it. Give whatever reason you feel is best (it doesn't have to be the truth - you could just way it is for weight loss, to save money, a health thing etc etc) Don't put any pressure on him to stop drinking with you - don't even go there, don't even comment on it. just try to act "normal" healthy enjoying life etc. You never know he may choose to join you (or cut down) and be inspired by your attitude, zest for life, energy etc, but he certainly won't if you criticise him or put pressure on him to stop - it could easily cause a rift like you feared.

Whilst my husband hasn't stopped, he has certainly cut down a lot since I quit and is much more aware of what he drinks. However this has only been in recent months when I became much more relaxed about the whole situation. In the earlier days I did "bang on" about his drinking quite a bit - putting pressure on him to stop to help me, and this did not get me anywhere and made things worse between us.

Hope this helps - feel free to PM me if you want to discuss further.

Good luck

Sausage

[CS04]

Confused

Rebus, there is an old thread titled "Spouses Who Drink." I'll find it and bump it up for you.

[Violet7Muse]

Confused

Rebus,

You've gotten some great advice already. I am on my fifth day now and am spending the weekend with my boyfriend. He lives about two hours away and does drink. He is very moderate and I think that has helped me make a choice to give up the stuff. He is being supportive of my choice and I am not making a big deal of it, ether. I don't think he truly got how crappy I was feeling with the alcohol. He is liking the changes I am already feeling though and that is cool. He has decided to drink even less which is fine. I am making this whole thing about me...me wanting my health to be better, me wanting to lose a few pounds, me wanting to feel better. I think that is important.

I do have a couple of friends who don't seem to be as happy about my change in drinking. I may find them dropping out of my life in the future. Time will tell. I think it's made them feel a bit uncomfortable about their own drinking and they would prefer not to go there. I am certainly not interested in pointing fingers unless I point them at myself only. That's hard enough work...being my own work in progress!

This is a great place...lots of helpful info and super support! Good luck!
Have a wonderful weekend!
Namaste,
Kathryn

[irish eyes]

Confused

QUOTE=here2change;615203]:new: Hey, Im new here too. How scary is this first step? Well... not as scary as not taking it. I too have been wondering if I truly have a problem. I mean I know several people that drink more than me (or at least did). But the longer I deny its out of control, the worse it gets. I am so happy to be here and begin this new chapter in my life. I will download all the materials and get started.
Wecome here2change, yes I know how you feel about wondering if u truly have a problem. I thought the same and still do but I havent had a drink since Jan 1st and I certainly feel and see the difference. You are wise to catch it before it goes out of control. Loads of support and help here, try the starting out section.