Hello

[kitty72]

Hi all, Im 37 years old and an alcoholic.

Drinking was never seen as taboo when I was growing up. It was often used in our house for medicinal purposes! I can remember being quite young and having whisky in hot milk when I had a cold.

Drinking was also seen as a way of comfort and relieving stress. Neither of my parents could be classed as alcoholics though.

I first drank to blackout when I was 15 on a mixture of spirits from the drinks cabinet. I lost my virginity that night too

As the years went by, I drank socially regularly, but developed a fondness for wine. I couldnt be an alcoholic, I didnt drink any rubbish. I didnt like much booze besides a nice chilled glass of white wine, and never any cheap crap either!

At 30. I married an abusive, controlling man and at 33, I ended it. He responded by physically assaulting me several times and that's when my drinking really begain to spiral out of control. 2 Bottles of wine a night was the norm. I met a nice guy 6 months later and calmed down the drinking with a bit of counselling.

But it started to escalate again and last year, within the space of 3 months, I had the double whammy of being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and losing my mother with no warning to an undiscovered cancer. Cue Kitty back to 2 bottles of wine a night.

To cut a long story short, I ended up having an affair and my relationship broke up, luckily for me my old boyfriend is very supportive and wants to see me well again so has been giving me transport (I dont drive) to AA meetings since March. I have met cymru several times at AA meetings and he told me about this place.

That's the outline for now - Ta for reading

[cymru]

Hello

Hey Kitty. Long time, no see! Great to see you here so soon. You'll find loads of great people here who are all in the same boat as us.
Nice to have another Welshie onboard. I think were the only 2!

[Doggygirl]

Hello

Hello Kitty and welcome aboard. I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis AND loss of your Mom in such a short time span. You are a stronger woman than me - back when I was drinking just one of those things would have probably had me on a whole box of wine (yes, I went for the cheap stuff!) every night. Glad to hear you kicked the abuser to the curb. I hope you had on steel toed boots when you did that.

Any friend of Cy's is a friend of ours!

I don't know much about what treatment courses are available for MS. That disease sounds horribly scary. I hope you will talk about that too if you want to.

I started going to AA in the March time frame too. I fought that for a long time. Somehow actually going to an AA meeting was FOR SURE sealing the deal on my alcoholism self diagnosis, and also putting a rubber stamp on abstinence as the only way for me personally to go. I'm so glad all the insanity of fighting alcohol is over. I celebrated one year alcohol free yesterday and no kidding - it's been the best year of my adult life in many ways. My Way Out and AA are my main tools.

There are tons of great people here and lots of great regular threads. Two that I like are the Daily AF threads (new one each day just like it sounds!) and also the weekly AA thread where some of us post who are also attending AA or thinking about AA or reading about AA or whatever about AA. Both of those are in the Monthly Abstinence section of the forum.

Have fun. Don't drink. Look forward to getting to know you better.

DG

[kitty72]

Hello

Hi, it's late so I thought I would expand a little bit.

I do still drink, my last binge was yesterday. There are 2 bottles of wine in my fridge which thanks to an AA meeting tonight, a nice chat with Cy in RL after AA and on FB and joining this forum and having a good read around here still remain unopened.

This should make me happy, but I know tomorrow that I'll convince myself that I dont have a problem again cos I laid off the wine tonight!!

I have a week off this week and have decided to saturate myself with AA meetings - A guy at my Monday night meeting summed it up a few weeks ago when he talked about his first few months in AA when he was still drinking and said 'Going to AA makes it damn hard to drink!'

I need to shape up and get myself a sponsor sorted out. I have someone in mind and I should bump into her some time this week. I do have her number but Im a bit shy about phoning other AA people.

I know I sound like Im making excuses but Im drinking cos I am finding it difficult (But less as time goes on) to adjust to being on my own. It doesnt help that Im ever still so slightly obsessed by the guy I had the affair with, even though he's a total wanker most of the time LOL (Isnt that the way!). I have a brilliant ex boyfriend who goes to Al Anon on a Saturday night while Im in an AA meeting and I know if I just STOP with the drinking and obsessing re other guy (ex knows about this) then we can work this out but...... I dunno, I guess Im still on self destruct still even though I am drinking less?

Thanks DG - Nice to see you. MS isnt as bad as some think. I look fine and feel fine most of the time, just sometimes get tired and have had some scary relapses where my legs go numb for a few weeks but can still walk about and all.

Im about to go on a drug that should cut relapses down a lot, so here's hoping. Ive been interested to read a bit about Naltrexolone here as Low Dose Naltrexolone (sp!) or LDN is being touted by some as a new, alternative method of treating MS.... Maybe I could kill 2 birds with one stone eh?

[kitty72]

Hello

Cheers Zen.

Well another casualty of drink hits the fan. My cleaner (Hey Im not posh, I just hate housework and having MS was the perfect excuse to hire a cleaner to blitz the place once a week for me!) updated her facebook with " X is hoping tonight was a nightmare and tomorrow is back to normal i feel like ending it all had enough!!" So I texted her...

Turns out her boyfriend has knocked her about tonight after one too many and she's staying in a local hotel ( I would have said to come over but I know the wine would have been opened. Poor Girl, she's only 25 ....

I was never a violent drunk, just a complete and utter bitch. Very verbally abusive. Hurts just as much, Im sure.

[Winefree]

Hello

Welcome Kitty! Keep reading and posting, it will get better as time goes on. We are all in the same or similar boat and can help each other along in our path to sobriety. AA has really been keeping me on track. Everyone is so supportive at AA and yes here too, but at AA there is someone or two or three that will personally give you a helping hand when you may need it the most.

Winefree

[kitty72]

Hello

Actually, when I think about it - Affair Guy (We both have MS and met on a forum for people with it) isnt really a total wanker. I am as well LOL!

As we live some distance apart, most of our interaction is online chat, phone and text. And sometimes I have been very abusive to HIM when online and pissed when we have chatted.

No wonder he backed off but is still nice - ish. I have been honest about the drink problem though.

Sorry to be so random!!! Hi bdd - Yeah you're right, a forum is a better addiction. Congrats on 30 days!

Can someone grab my head and bang it against a wall please? LOL!

[startingover]

Hello

Hey Kittly, a huge welcome to you!
That is a tough situation you are in. Mental obsession with anything, either human or the al kind sometimes seems impossible to deal with. My guess would be that if you controlled the AL you obsession with the guy would abate somewhat. In fact, I am willing to put money on it :-)
I am glad you are here, it really is a wonderful place for support.
I look forward to getting to know you.

[mario]

Hello

welcome kitty 72,you sure will be among friends here that can help & give advice to you 24/7 :welcome:

[bloggy]

Hello

Hi Kitty

Just wanted to add my welcome- I have been on Naltrexone for four months now, and it has been a live saver for me. I also read that it was promising for treating MS.

Please keep us posted!

[gyco]

Hello

hi kitty,any friend of cy s is a friend of mine,or anyone else who surfs this site,takes a lot to admit you have a problem,but then most ladies are at a bit of an disatvantage,when they have an abusive partner,i commend you for surviving the way you have so far,this is a alternative to AA,as marbs said there are so many options,as you can see many different threads, TITLESi wish you well,gyco

[Doggygirl]

Hello

Hello again Kitty. I'm already loving your sense of humor about things - even difficult things. I think Starting is right that the man stuff will start sorting itself out in the absense of wine. Sort of amazing how that works. I just had one of those forhead smacking moments when you mentioned Naltrexone and MS. One of the radio stations I'm often tuned to has a medical sort of talk program on Sunday mornings, and a few weeks ago I remember them talking about this "new MS drug that might also help with addiction." I hope that works well for you on BOTH fronts. Very interesting - hope you keep us posted.

Pour the wine down the drain. I dare ya. I double dare ya.

I'm very sorry to hear about your cleaning lady. (I'm not "posh" either - at least I think I know sort of what "posh" means but I treated myself to that service with the money I saved when I quit smoking!!!!) I hope she is able to get herself into a safe situation. I hope she doesn't go right back to him as is so often the case.

Sounds like you have a good plan for the week!

DG

[kitty72]

Hello

Thanks Oney - Fabulous arse! LOL! Thanks to everyone else who has said hi too - Yeah, I kind of dont like to hold back haha P

[kitty72]

Hello

Well I drank my wine - Very very slowly, around 8 hrs and I still have 2 glasses to go. I couldnt bin it., Id feel like I wuzrobbing (heh!) myself.

I sent 'mr f-ing with my head' a 'Dear John'... believe me, Ive done this before though but he works his way back. Im hoping this time he'll just dismiss me as a weird bitch and not respond.

I'll take this to the Army thread now with what happens from now on ...... night all x

[startingover]

Hello

Good for you Kitty.
He will only work his way back if you allow it.
And he will dismiss you once you dismiss him.
Keep working at it, dont let him hurt you any more.