Secrets

[Christine]

I am new here but have been attending meetings for over a year.
I have had 3 30 day periods of sobriety.
After the last one I began drinking wine and not telling anyone.
Wine is not my thing, mine is vodka which has become toxic for me.
I live alone and wine at night does help.
I go to meetings every day
I don't get drunk,just relaxed
I don't tell my sponsor.
Last time I told her she felt overwhelmed and so discouraged.
I am the only person she has ever sponsored.
I don't want her to abandon me or to dissappoint her
I make daily resolves but don't carry them through
The guilt is eating at me but when the loneliness comes at night I can't face it
Without the wine I overeat
Why can't I be normal
My son came over yesterday when I wasn't home and threw out my 2 bottles of wine in my fridge.
He remembers my vodka days.
I hate the shame.

[cacky]

Secrets

Christine,

You sound alot like me. I have been keeping my drinking a secret for a while. What i want you to know is that your sponsor is not your responsibility and if she makes you feel bad you should probably find someone else.

i go to frequent meetings and have a little AA social life. I dont tell them that i drink. I dont drink when i am going to drive (igot a DUI last year which i am still waiting the hearing on), i dont drink when i have my kids and i dont drink when i go to AA meetings. So i leave little time for drinking. But when i do i still do.

Keep in touch go to the Chat. Post out that there that you are new and you will probably get more responses.

[Christine]

Secrets

How do I go the the Chat

[Evie.Lou]

Secrets

Welcome to MWO.........Just want to say from my point of view that glass of wine would soon turn into full blown DRUNKEN RELAPSE !!! That's who I am, an ALL or nothing kind of person. I hope you stick around. I look forward to getting to know you.

[Evie.Lou]

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On the top line you will see where it says "live chat" click that.

[Evie.Lou]

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Are you figuring it out ??? I am waiting to meet you there.

[Christine]

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Ok I'm a total hypocrite
why would you want to know me
I want to be somebody strong
you are right
I am a waste of time
you know, I used to be pretty
Now I just hate myself
ok I'm feeling sorry for myself
so it's time to leave
sorry about that

[Evie.Lou]

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Who would say that to you.........YOU ???

[CS04]

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Christine, I understand the shame. We all do. We know how hard this is, and we are here for you.

[chrysa]

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Christine, stop it! You have made a lot of progress and in my humble opinion you should continue to investigate programs that will help you.

If you are NOT getting drunk from the wine, that is something. Everyone is different and our solutions are different.

I am not advocating free-style drinking.

Please Stop beating yourself up & just move forward by looking into different ways & programs. It could be motivating. In spite of the AA tradition & the media, they do exist.

[Christine]

Secrets

Hi
I have been trying to get on the chat but when I do I get a screen with a red cross button.
Can't seem to get on.
But knowing someone has responded and cares has made such a huge difference.
Thank You.
I don't feel so alone
and you are so kind to respond to a stranger.

[Evie.Lou]

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I am here and we can chat this way if you like ???

[Evie.Lou]

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There is some thing that you have to down load called JAVA...can you do that ???
Others are better than I at computer stuff but will help you all I can ???

[jessie]

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Hi Christine, and welcome! Loneliness and boredom are massive triggers - for me personally my biggest triggers. Don't hate yourself - that is typical alcoholic behaviour. I'm sure that in all other respects you are a honorable person. But that's what alcohol make us do - we lie through our teeth. On a couple of occassions I told my children that I was going to church, but then went for drinks instead. I don't think you can get much lower then that. The constant shame is one of the reasons I want to change.
Keep your hope up and stay close to MWO - here is a lot of support and good advice.

[cacky]

Secrets

Christine, we are all here for you. we all have secrets...even sober people believe it or not. stay with us and stay connected.