I know many of you know my story, but sevreal do not. I was asked and instead of keeping repeating it I am gonna post it here. Sorry it is so long...
As far as I know no one in my entire family has really had a problem with alcohol other than a cousin of mine. But, his father was an alcoholic and he married in to our family, so that rules out the genetic deal. My parents never drank, we never had alcohol in our home growing up. As a matter of fact, until my teens I don't recall ever seeing my Mom have a drink. I can remember my Dad having maybe one, two beers a year if we grilled out, but when I was about 6-7 he found God and has never drank again since. He is a minister now.
My parents divorced when I was 9. My Dad married a nurse, my Mom married a pothead that never kept and job and had three kids and she had three kids. We lived between Oklahoma and Texas. He worked the oil rigs, when he did work. We lived in lil single-wide trailors..8 of us...honey, we were white-trash if there ever was white-trash. Food stamps and all...I was always so ashamed of my family. I swore since I was a small child I would never live like that as an adult. We moved constantly, which I hated. That also meant I rarely saw my Dad. Mama really didn't want us to see him though. His life was much more "normal" than ours. They were church going, lived financially stable, not over the top, but never wonder if they'd eat, like we did. I was always in awe of their life really and kinda put my Dad on a pedalstool. But, as I have grown up I have realized he didn't really deserve to be there, as he could have came for us. He was really just as guilty for our poor upbringing as Mama was... if you have to place blame. WHICH, I am trying very hard to let go of...still working on that!!!!!
I left home at the age of 16. Married in to a VERY rich family. I was fortunate in some ways and not in others. The thought of me not furthering my education was unheard of. He was in college, I finished high school. I was married 11th and 12th grade. I then went on to college as well. I am the only one in my family to have even finshed high school, much less college. We had moved to Miami, Florida for college. He was verbally abusive and then became physically abusive. I have always been somewhat of a spitfire, so I found work and got a roommate and moved out. I worked FT and went to school FT. I didn't get a DL until I was 21 and went and bought my own car on my own. We then divorced.
I then met my childrens father. I have never really been in love with him, but I do love him. I became pregnant with my daughter, so we married. We lived in Miami 10 years had a son and then moved to SC where I am now. I landed an awesome job here and am able to support me and the kids well. I met what I finally thought was the love of my life. We had several very happy years together. He was then killed in a car accident....BOOM...my life changed, was shattered, in an instant. I had to tell you all the beginning, so you kinda understand why his death had the impact it did on my life. Since I had left home I had kept control of what happened to me. I had vowed that I would never be that miserable and unhappy again. But, here I sat with this horrid news..I was shattered, my children were shattered...and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was FUKCING PISSED OFF!!!! I started drinking to numb that pain...I drink pretty much 24/7 for a solid year. I totaled three cars...went to jail twice. One of the wrecks the cop didn't even take me to jail...he told my GF I didn't need a jail cell, I needed a psychiatric ward. The cop was crying he felt so bad for me. I was a pitiful mess. How I survived that year is by the sheer grace of God. What I put my poor family through that year....I shutter to think of their pain. Look back now, I should have committed myself somewhere and why my ex-husband or GF didn't have me committed is beyond me. I had never drink before. I have asked them and they both said they just kept thinking it was my grief and I would snap out of it. I am so lucky to be alive. My second wreck I flipped the car. I can remember flipping and hitting my head...it knocked me unconscious. The next thing I remember is them popping the passenger side window to get me out...they were gonna cut me out and I started screaming NO NO NO...I said dont turn that thing on. I can crawl out. Luckily, I never hurt anyone but myself in the wrecks.
My Mama, who I had kinda been estranged from for years came from Oklahoma to SC to live with me because obviously I wasnt doing to well alone. I found MWO and started trying to sober up. I had some AF time and some slips. After she had been here 9 months she was diagnosed with cancer, so I ended up caring for her. There was no choice at that point. Sobriety was no longer an option. I had to be sober. If she needed me at night I couldn't be passed out. I stayed sober the entire time I cared for her. In the past year I have slipped 2-3 times. That is a hell of alot better than where I was. If it were not for this site. I know for sure I would be dead today. I literally lived here when I first came. It is what kept me sober. I have some bonds here that will never be broken.
Thank-you..
Luvuall
As far as I know no one in my entire family has really had a problem with alcohol other than a cousin of mine. But, his father was an alcoholic and he married in to our family, so that rules out the genetic deal. My parents never drank, we never had alcohol in our home growing up. As a matter of fact, until my teens I don't recall ever seeing my Mom have a drink. I can remember my Dad having maybe one, two beers a year if we grilled out, but when I was about 6-7 he found God and has never drank again since. He is a minister now.
My parents divorced when I was 9. My Dad married a nurse, my Mom married a pothead that never kept and job and had three kids and she had three kids. We lived between Oklahoma and Texas. He worked the oil rigs, when he did work. We lived in lil single-wide trailors..8 of us...honey, we were white-trash if there ever was white-trash. Food stamps and all...I was always so ashamed of my family. I swore since I was a small child I would never live like that as an adult. We moved constantly, which I hated. That also meant I rarely saw my Dad. Mama really didn't want us to see him though. His life was much more "normal" than ours. They were church going, lived financially stable, not over the top, but never wonder if they'd eat, like we did. I was always in awe of their life really and kinda put my Dad on a pedalstool. But, as I have grown up I have realized he didn't really deserve to be there, as he could have came for us. He was really just as guilty for our poor upbringing as Mama was... if you have to place blame. WHICH, I am trying very hard to let go of...still working on that!!!!!
I left home at the age of 16. Married in to a VERY rich family. I was fortunate in some ways and not in others. The thought of me not furthering my education was unheard of. He was in college, I finished high school. I was married 11th and 12th grade. I then went on to college as well. I am the only one in my family to have even finshed high school, much less college. We had moved to Miami, Florida for college. He was verbally abusive and then became physically abusive. I have always been somewhat of a spitfire, so I found work and got a roommate and moved out. I worked FT and went to school FT. I didn't get a DL until I was 21 and went and bought my own car on my own. We then divorced.
I then met my childrens father. I have never really been in love with him, but I do love him. I became pregnant with my daughter, so we married. We lived in Miami 10 years had a son and then moved to SC where I am now. I landed an awesome job here and am able to support me and the kids well. I met what I finally thought was the love of my life. We had several very happy years together. He was then killed in a car accident....BOOM...my life changed, was shattered, in an instant. I had to tell you all the beginning, so you kinda understand why his death had the impact it did on my life. Since I had left home I had kept control of what happened to me. I had vowed that I would never be that miserable and unhappy again. But, here I sat with this horrid news..I was shattered, my children were shattered...and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was FUKCING PISSED OFF!!!! I started drinking to numb that pain...I drink pretty much 24/7 for a solid year. I totaled three cars...went to jail twice. One of the wrecks the cop didn't even take me to jail...he told my GF I didn't need a jail cell, I needed a psychiatric ward. The cop was crying he felt so bad for me. I was a pitiful mess. How I survived that year is by the sheer grace of God. What I put my poor family through that year....I shutter to think of their pain. Look back now, I should have committed myself somewhere and why my ex-husband or GF didn't have me committed is beyond me. I had never drink before. I have asked them and they both said they just kept thinking it was my grief and I would snap out of it. I am so lucky to be alive. My second wreck I flipped the car. I can remember flipping and hitting my head...it knocked me unconscious. The next thing I remember is them popping the passenger side window to get me out...they were gonna cut me out and I started screaming NO NO NO...I said dont turn that thing on. I can crawl out. Luckily, I never hurt anyone but myself in the wrecks.
My Mama, who I had kinda been estranged from for years came from Oklahoma to SC to live with me because obviously I wasnt doing to well alone. I found MWO and started trying to sober up. I had some AF time and some slips. After she had been here 9 months she was diagnosed with cancer, so I ended up caring for her. There was no choice at that point. Sobriety was no longer an option. I had to be sober. If she needed me at night I couldn't be passed out. I stayed sober the entire time I cared for her. In the past year I have slipped 2-3 times. That is a hell of alot better than where I was. If it were not for this site. I know for sure I would be dead today. I literally lived here when I first came. It is what kept me sober. I have some bonds here that will never be broken.
Thank-you..
Luvuall
ray:
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