Big Mo's story

[big mo]

Hi and thanks for taking the time to stop by , My story here go's , I cant remember when I took my first drink but drink has always been a big part of my life , My earliest memories of my parents involved alcohol and parties , My father died 20 years ago this month aged 48 from a heart attack and thats when my own drinking took off , my mother and brother both drink daily to excess but thats there buisness ,I have a wife and 2 daughters and they deserve medals for staying with me over the years , I worked for the government for 11 years until 2004 when i was ill health retired owing to a heart problem caused by alcohol addiction yet I still drink a bottle of vodka most days . throughout my drinking I have been to AA many times , spoke to doctors and tried almost every thing yet still cant stop drinking . I am making a fresh start today and telling my story as I have have always been the last in and first out of a meeting and never shared as I am not confidant public speaking so writing on this site is the next best thing , Every time I read other peoples stories I can relate to them in many ways yet I can always make excuses to convince myself I am not the same as other people and I dont have a problem , then after a binge and Im feeling crap I come back to this site and read a few stories and get sober for a day or two then back to excuses and drink . Today is differant as i have had enough and I am determined to change by changing my routine and the actions that lead up to me taking the first drink , I wake up most mornings hungover and feeling crap and swearing I will never drink again and then as the day progresses I feel better and then by 7 30 I feel good enough to convince myself Im fine and I will stop tomorrow and the cycle continues , I have got to the stage where I struggle to get the first couple of drinks down which is madness , after that I dont stop until the bottle is empty , I drink in the house on my own , my family dont drink which makes it even worse , sometimes I am happy and have a laugh other times I shout and make there lives hell , always sorry the next morning when its to late , thank god they are forgiveing , I read cat42's reply to someones thread and it scared the hell out of me ,basically she said check out the obvious effects of alcohol abuse , liver damage etc and you dont know until its to late the damage is done . I have to much to live for and take for granted my life and I try and think of all the good things about sobriety although its been so long since i have had any perion of time sober , thats about it nothing exiteing , thanks for reading and wish me luck Mo

[jessie]

Big Mo's story

Hi big mo, I'm so glad that you made the decision to do something - a lot of us use Antabuse to help us - maybe you should try some of the medications as well.
I wish you the best.

[mooderator]

Big Mo's story

Hiya Mo

Well done for posting your story, it takes guts and commitment, and it is a great starting point. It helps the folks here to understand what your starting point is (its different for us all) and also your motivations for change (which again are different for all, although a lovely and loving familly a common theme).

I just want to wish to luck and offer you support. You sound as though you are already pretty familiar with the site which is good. Find yourself a group that best suits your intended goal. Probably monthly abstinence is a great starting point. Have you tried the supps etc. Try journalling and come here if you get bad cravings and chat them over.

Try drinktracker....an accountability partner. This may be someone in the same boat as you or anyone that you find support in. I will happily offer to do this with you, but I am a special occasion drinker or modderator, which may not suit you, but the offer is there...

Good luck my friend

Moo

[cacky]

Big Mo's story

Big Mo, Welcome to the site. You have made a great choice. I know alot of people in AA who were only given 6 months to live because of damage they have done to their liver and they stopped drinking and no 5 years later they are still going strong. Its never too late to stop..you just need to stop (if thats what you choose). Anyway keep posting and reading.:welcome:

[veritas]

Big Mo's story

MO, keep reading.. and well done for being so honest.
I hope that you find what works for you.

[Tulipe]

Big Mo's story

Hi Big Mo,
Welcome and thank you for your story. Please come back and post and read and let us know how you are. Making changes can be hard, I know. Campral helped me a lot in getting through the first few days.
Best wishes,
Tulipe