my shameful story

[donewithit]

my shameful story

we are starting councelling gyco, I already have. Doesn't mean it will work. Until a couple of years ago I would have said we were best friends first..before husband and wife lovers ect. Now. he is my best friend...but I have let him down and I know I am not his best friend. The marriage WAS wonderful..until I chose to wreck it. Wish me luck I will give it all to get it back...no booze tastes as good as my husbands kiss. That is my new mantra.

[donewithit]

my shameful story

enjoy your show sunbeam..the last one we went to was "we will rock you" in toronto. Wonderful show...so much fun. if we only had a time machine huh?

[donewithit]

my shameful story

I do have to say...looking back..I think my problem is more than a couple years old...it started about 10 years ago..dwindled...came back a bit worse...dwindled...came back with a vengance.

thanks again to all the people here who have taken time to respond to me..a stranger..at her worst moment possible

[OverIt2007]

my shameful story

Hi donewithit,

I was reading your story this evening. I think your relationship has a real chance if you can turn your drinking problem around. I know, easier said than done, I really do know. But if you really want to keep him, you are going to have to prove to him that you are a changed person. What about getting on some medications or get some Antabuse and take it in front of him?

You may have alot of work cut out for you, but I think if you prove to him how much you love him, change for yourself, your relationship could be built back up stronger.

Wishing you all the very best,

Overit

[donewithit]

my shameful story

I will do anything to help get out of this addiction...antabuse? do canadian doctors know it?
thanks
Lynn (yes...my real first name)

[RedThread12]

my shameful story

Your shameful story reminds me of some parts of mine that I still need to deal with, but today I don't feel shameful - still a little astounded that I could go there, but not ashamed. There's no shame in being an alcoholic, but we have to educate ourselves about the life and death situation it presents - on a daily basis. I suggest you do one thing at a time and that is to do everything in your power and do whatever it takes to get sober. Not only is it the only hope for your life, it's clearly the only hope for your marriage. But probably your life has slightly higher priority than your marriage, no? Miracles happen when we get sober - things we can't even dream of from a drunken place. So go to the Dr., stay on the forum, go to AA . . . I send you lots of courage to take care of the only part of the situation you can do anything about - the drinking.
I tried some meds, but have had to do it the old fashioned way by doing something everyday to preserve my sobriety - and that is often an AA meeting, where I learned not to be ashamed. My heart goes out to you . . . you can do this.

[Sunbeam]

my shameful story

Lynn,
I live in Western NY State, we occasionally also enjoy shows in Toronto. We are in the same part of the word.

All of the reality of alcohol abuse usually sinks in slowly. Everything you need to know is here in these posts in lots of places on this site, but only a little will sink in at a time. For example, it is much easier to go without drinking than it is to control the frequency and amount you drink. You probably don't believe it now, but you will understand over time. Keep reading and posting here. AA also helps a lot of people. Keep posting questions and thoughts, and you will get a variety of responses that will influence your decisions.

[AMELIA]

my shameful story

Hi Lynn - Donewithit,

Your candid post did strike a familiar chord with me. I have been with my partner for 10 years and my drinking has worsened during that time. Yes it is a progressive disease -it has been for me anyway.

The lies I have told and the bottles that I have hidden, things I have done, the bullshitty life I led purely and simply to enable me to drink, makes me feel sick, appalled, frightened and ashamed. The damage I have done to myself, my finances and my relationship....

So, I am only 3 weeks sober, but it has been relatively easy as I have found a medication that works for me and has taken the 'work' out of being abstinent. I still have to remain vigilent and my mental attitude is - drinking isn't an option.

Lynn, do think about giving yourself the best chance of remaining sober. Read through as many posts as you can and devise a support plan for your body and mind. Look into supplements, meds and exercise etc......read how they are helping others here on their journeys.

Actions speak louder than words. Your hubby will see, hear and feel the difference in the sober you. That is the way to rebuild trust.
Do use this invaluable website to it's fullest....information, inspiration and support!

I wish you all the best. Keep us updated

[mario]

my shameful story

hi lynn Very sad story but when you read the other stories here,(including mine) you will see that we all have similar ones to tell,This decease slowly slips up on you and strangles the life & morals from you,and unfortunately you are the last to know,I to did terrible things on my partner and the guilt of it....well i am still dealing with it. My partner has said to me that if i ever drink again i can have the drink as i cant have her, my choice. hope you make the right choice, but to me af is the only way for you as it seems you might be getting another chance(hopefully).You will have great support and friendship here with people who can relate to anything you have to say.The t-shirts here are well worn,torn and still hanging out to dry. Get as much support as you can no matter where its from Aa,one to one counselling,group therapy etc wishing you luck hope to see you around. :welcome:

[gyco]

my shameful story

yo

donewithit;686846 wrote: I will do anything to help get out of this addiction...antabuse? do canadian doctors know it?
thanks
Lynn (yes...my real first name)

i beleive most Canadian doctors are aware of alcoholism,do they no much about it,as much as they need to, there studies on it are minimal,i beleive i lost mine due to alcoholism,but it was a good thing,when the going gets tuff,i found he was not willing to take the task on,i beleive for doctors its a long and tedious task, but i do understand,only cause i went to treatment,imagine if all doctors were like that,alcoholism and drug abuse,and prescription drug abuse are at a high,society is hearing more and more about it, ,not just canada,the hospitals are full,and it is gonna get worse ? DONEWITHIT i do wish you well gyco

[donewithit]

my shameful story

well last night was not good. I foolishly asked him if we could sleep in the same bed and he said maybe. I just wanted him close to me. After a while I realized he was watching tv in the guest bedroom and I went and said to him that I guessed his answer was no. Long story short...I was sobbing and left the house and went to my best friends home for the night. I just got home here. He is gone out for a bit but he did answer my text on the phone when I sent one earlier to see if he was awake yet ....told me he had been up until two am...exhausted...and asked if I was ok.

Also our daughter had phoned his cell when no one was answering at home to let us know that she was coming over in a bit as she would be in town..he lied to her and told her I was still in bed when he left. Maybe I am grasping at straws here,,,but if he really wanted it over,,I don't think he would be covering it up so well. I know he would not tell any of the kids outright until we had come to a final arrangement ...but I don't think he would not only lie to our daughter, but also text me and let me know so I would be home before she arrived? unless maybe he does have hope??? I know. I am grasping at straws.

[Wally22]

my shameful story

Hey donewithit
Sounds like your husband is still not sure he is done with you. He is just conflicted and unsure. He's hurting just like you are.
Canadian doctors are well aware of antabuse. Your therapist may be able to prescribe it as well if that is the course you wish to take. Family doctors may not have as much experience as specialists who deal with substance addictions on a daily basis.
Hang in there, you have made a terrific start and I am sure your husband knows that deep down inside. :l

[Sunbeam]

my shameful story

DoneWithIt,
When I quit drinking, I wrote down all the reasons I hated drinking. I gave it to my husband, and asked for his support "no matter what" because I knew it could be a tough job. Maybe you want to work with that concept. I will PM you the entire contents of this document if you like. I have no idea if he is willing to let the marriage continue intact while you seriously work on the alcohol piece.

I am an avid gardener, but it looks like it will be raining off and on this evening, so I will be checking in here.

[donewithit]

my shameful story

hi sunbeam, thanks for the offer of the document. I would love to have it.

I don't know whether he will continue the marriage or not. At this point I still have to move out of the house Sept 1st, but that will depend on what happens in our marriage councelling which starts next week.

I really love this man and I hope that he can reach down inside and find the strength to help me fix this mess.

Raining here too....poured for a while earlier now just off and on..

thanks again

[Doggygirl]

my shameful story

Hi Donewithit. I'm glad you found us here. Thank you for sharing your story so honestly. Alcohol is so insidious for those of us who can't handle it. I can relate to so much of your story. The lies. The hidden bottles. The misleading of everyone around me about how much and how often I drank. The resulting problems.

While reading your description of the situation wih your husband, I got a familiar sensation like the rug being pulled out from under me. Drinking led me to places like that too where I ended up feeling very desparate, and badly wanted to hear that "everything will be OK" when it was not certain at all what the outcome would be.

I am very glad to hear that your husband has agreed to go to counseling with you. Is your counselor familiar and experienced with addiction issues as well as marriage issues? I hope so as it seems that would be a huge benefit. I would imagine an objective 3rd party listening to both of you will be a benefit no matter what. (I don't imagine his lawyer to be in that category??)

Anyway...I know this is hard to believe or trust but I strongly agree with those you have suggested that you focus on your sobriety first, and then see what happens with the rest of life. I too started going to AA fairly recently and it's been eye opening for me to view my life through that lens. I can see how desparately I tried to get everything worked out just the way I wanted it - like the director of my own show that the Big Book talks about. Unfortunately, that doesn't work - at least it didn't for me. The harder I tried to make things go a particular way, the worse I would end up making things.

Anyway...now I am rambling which I tend to do! Bottom line is welcome to MWO. One thing I can say for sure is that if I can quit drinking, you can quit drinking. It's a tough journey but very well worth it. Hope to get to know you better.

Strength and hope,

DG