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Mstall's short and not so sweet story

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    Mstall's short and not so sweet story

    I won?t start at the beginning of my drinking career. My parents rarely drank and never smoked, I had a good childhood and was a bit spoiled. I tried all kinds of alcohol and drugs as a teenager but managed to get through those years without too many regrets/consequences.
    Fast forward to my forties. My alcohol intake at this point is increasing yearly. I quit smoking at 46yo for three years. During that time my drinking increased ten-fold. I ended up replacing one addiction for another.
    The moment that I finally realized I could not continue down this path happened while drinking with my husband and sneaking a smoke out on the patio. (my husband and I had both quit smoking and he didn?t know I was closet smoking). He had passed out in bed (from drinking) but I kept jumping up to look down the hall while I was smoking to make sure he wasn?t getting up. The movement of jumping up and sitting back down while drunk and smoking caused me to pass out and smack my head on the patio tile. I came to and knew instantly it was not a good situation. I tried waking him but he was out for the count. I grabbed a frozen pack of peas, applied it to my forehead and passed out next to him.
    When I awoke the next morning I had a start of what was to become some major swelling and bruising. I was scared to death that I would not survive this head injury and too afraid to go to the ER for treatment because of my still high alcohol level. And besides, what kind of story could I concoct that would be believable to professionals? By the time Monday morning came around, both of my eyes were swollen shut and bruising was spreading from my forehead to beneath both eyes. The story I made up for work was that I tripped over our cat in the middle of the night.
    It took 2 months for all the swelling and bruising to go away, but the memory of that incident is still vivid in my mind and still frightens me that I could have ended up dead from it.
    These last two years I have spent trying to quit drinking and though I haven?t had any more ?accidents? I was still drinking. I have since divorced and am living with my soon to be 15 yo daughter and trying hard to be as good a Mom as I can be.
    I am so happy to have found MWO. It felt so good to read about people who were like me and struggling. Now at 53, I finally have 9 days of sobriety. Which doesn?t sound like much, but to me it?s a GIANT step in the right direction for once.
    I appreciate all of your posts, stories and support and look forward to my continued journey of sobriety. I may have slips or trips along the way, but I know today how good I feel and I really want to hang onto that.
    AF/SF - November 23, 2014

    #2
    Mstall's short and not so sweet story

    Hi Mstall! Thank you so much for sharing your story. That must have been very frightening to have a head injury and no good way to deal with it. I'm glad you see it as an important wake up call - I think it's healthy to look candidly at our drinking escapades and see that we need to stop the madness.

    I can relate to so much of what you said. You are not alone - not around here that's for sure! I was on a work related cruise one time - it was an award trip for sales. A very high honor and I made an ass out of myself drinking continuously. I don't know how on earth I ever thought I was "hiding it." But anyway, I was very drunk when I went back to my cabin the first or second night at sea and the ship rocked just a little, and I went down and banged my forhead on the bathroom sink. I'm lucky all I got was two black eyes. But of course I lied to everyone the next day about how I fell. I'm sure nobody suspected a thing. Anyway....that should have been a wake up call for me but no...I kept right on going for several more years.

    Anyway, I too found that when I quit smoking my drinking escalated dramatically from an already rediculously high level. I thought the same thing - nicotine is a powerful addiction and if my brain couldn't have nic it just wanted more AL. That's when my early morning drinking really got going on an almost daily basis.

    The good news is that if I can quit, so can you. You are doing AWESOME getting to day 9. Sometimes staying sober is a minute by minute thing, but we CAN DO THIS. It will be worth it to be sober during this important time in your daughters life in addition to the fact that YOU are worth being sober for all by yourself!

    I look forward to sharing your journey. Strength and hope!

    DG
    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07


    One day at a time.

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      #3
      Mstall's short and not so sweet story

      Hi Mstall,

      Wow! I hardly ever look in this section but I'm glad I did - I was gripped by the head injury story. Thank god you survived that, and as you say a real wake-up call. I smacked my head on a hotel room wall once and had a big lump the next day but nowhere near as bad as yours.

      Reading your story and Doggygirl's response about smoking also gave me a real "lightbulb moment". My drinking escalated hugely when I stopped smoking but I'd never put the two together before. It also coincided with the beginning of a difficult relationship and moving house and other big life events and I always thought the change in my drinking behaviour was because of those things. But the effect of giving up smoking makes perfect sense. I smoked 20 cigarettes a day, so my brain was used to 20 little "fixes" every day at regular intervals and suddenly that stops and my brain thinks "uh? where did my fix go?" and looks around for something else. You've given me food for thought!

      Well done on your nine days AF. That IS a giant achievement! Thanks for your post.
      sigpic
      AF since December 22nd 2008
      Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

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        #4
        Mstall's short and not so sweet story

        Hey Mstall. As doggygirl said 9 days is awesome. Nine days is a long time when you want a drink every day. Pay attention to folks like doggygirl, she has had great success.
        Love and Peace,
        Phil
        Love and Peace,
        Phil


        Sobriety Date 12.07.2009

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          #5
          Mstall's short and not so sweet story

          Thank you all for your responses. It really helps reinforce my decision and gives me extra motivation to help me along this journey.

          God bless you all.
          AF/SF - November 23, 2014

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            #6
            Mstall's short and not so sweet story

            :goodjob: mstall on 9 days a/f,I also enjoyed your story keep up the good work,You are here with good friends.


            :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

            Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
            I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

            This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

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              #7
              Mstall's short and not so sweet story

              good to see your chin is up and you have chosen the right path good luck on your journey

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