First of all thanks for taking time to read this.
I have been very sad and in the dumps for a little over a month now. I have been an avid beer drinker for many years. Several years before my marriage 13 years ago. Then my first son was born in '01. That's when my wife tells me troubles started. She says I didn't turn to the next chapter of our life with her and she has been miserable since. She discredits any good times we had and says it's ALL been bad. She dwells on bad times that may have happened 3, 5, some even 10 years ago and won't forgive and forget any. I used to smoke pot too. She told me I had to choose one. I chose to drink....more. Then I quit smoking cigarettes. Mainly for my boys ages 7 & 5. She asked me to cut back on my drinking several times. I usually would for a couple weeks and then back at it full swing. The more she pushed me to cut back or quit, the more I rebeled and the more I drank. I got to the point of drinking 2+ cases a week. Not only expensive but bad on inhabitions and bad for family. (I'm blabber'n)
So, my wife went to her 20 year reunion, out of state. She left the boys with me. She's always been good at leaving little notes around for us to find, saying she loves us, good night, miss you and such, as she did this time. When she returned she was a different person. Distant toward me. A few days later out of the blue she said she was moving out and filing for separation. It was a Friday that I was off from work and had the boys all day. For some reason I had not had anything to drink that day, not even that evening before she told me. She gave the reasons for leaving the main one was my drinking. I told her I would permantly cut back. She said it's too late. I told her I would quit. Again she said its too late. As the week progressed I begged an pleaded with her to stay. She got more hateful and distant.
Her brother, who works at Hazleden(sp.) and also lives in the same state that her reunion was held. was coming in to visit and help her move. He said he didn't want to be around me for fear I would kick his ass. He was probably right! So I stayed away from the house that day. Now my wife has been at her own place for one month. We can talk civilly now, and I get our boys on weekends. I was served papers yesterday to meet with a mediator and discuss custody, visitation and child support. I have asked her to go to marriage counseling with me, and she refuses. As I have done in the past.
Sorry to jump around so much, but my mind is racing and I don't want to make this too long.
I would drink 4 to 8 beers almost everyday and get completey smashed on weekends and about any social event we'd go to. At which point I would become vulgar and disrespectful to some people, including my "nagging" wife. especially the one's who were not drunk. But I would usually appologize with a hug and sometimes a kiss on the cheek. Needless to say, some people don't find that amusing.
So, to make a long story shorter.....I had no alchohol for 23 days and have cut back from 2+ cases a week to less than a 6 pack a week. My wife doesn't want to work on our marriage anymore. She says she gave me 8 years worth of chances and now it's over. She is concentrating on herself and her happiness and I am not going to change. I'm incapable of changing and she is tired of trying at our failed attempts. I have seeked counseling myself and still love her very much. I have told her I will do whatever it takes to get her back, but she says she doesn't want that. She says she cares about me but doesn't LOVE me anymore. I am the one miserable now.
What can I do???
I have been very sad and in the dumps for a little over a month now. I have been an avid beer drinker for many years. Several years before my marriage 13 years ago. Then my first son was born in '01. That's when my wife tells me troubles started. She says I didn't turn to the next chapter of our life with her and she has been miserable since. She discredits any good times we had and says it's ALL been bad. She dwells on bad times that may have happened 3, 5, some even 10 years ago and won't forgive and forget any. I used to smoke pot too. She told me I had to choose one. I chose to drink....more. Then I quit smoking cigarettes. Mainly for my boys ages 7 & 5. She asked me to cut back on my drinking several times. I usually would for a couple weeks and then back at it full swing. The more she pushed me to cut back or quit, the more I rebeled and the more I drank. I got to the point of drinking 2+ cases a week. Not only expensive but bad on inhabitions and bad for family. (I'm blabber'n)
So, my wife went to her 20 year reunion, out of state. She left the boys with me. She's always been good at leaving little notes around for us to find, saying she loves us, good night, miss you and such, as she did this time. When she returned she was a different person. Distant toward me. A few days later out of the blue she said she was moving out and filing for separation. It was a Friday that I was off from work and had the boys all day. For some reason I had not had anything to drink that day, not even that evening before she told me. She gave the reasons for leaving the main one was my drinking. I told her I would permantly cut back. She said it's too late. I told her I would quit. Again she said its too late. As the week progressed I begged an pleaded with her to stay. She got more hateful and distant.
Her brother, who works at Hazleden(sp.) and also lives in the same state that her reunion was held. was coming in to visit and help her move. He said he didn't want to be around me for fear I would kick his ass. He was probably right! So I stayed away from the house that day. Now my wife has been at her own place for one month. We can talk civilly now, and I get our boys on weekends. I was served papers yesterday to meet with a mediator and discuss custody, visitation and child support. I have asked her to go to marriage counseling with me, and she refuses. As I have done in the past.
Sorry to jump around so much, but my mind is racing and I don't want to make this too long.
I would drink 4 to 8 beers almost everyday and get completey smashed on weekends and about any social event we'd go to. At which point I would become vulgar and disrespectful to some people, including my "nagging" wife. especially the one's who were not drunk. But I would usually appologize with a hug and sometimes a kiss on the cheek. Needless to say, some people don't find that amusing.
So, to make a long story shorter.....I had no alchohol for 23 days and have cut back from 2+ cases a week to less than a 6 pack a week. My wife doesn't want to work on our marriage anymore. She says she gave me 8 years worth of chances and now it's over. She is concentrating on herself and her happiness and I am not going to change. I'm incapable of changing and she is tired of trying at our failed attempts. I have seeked counseling myself and still love her very much. I have told her I will do whatever it takes to get her back, but she says she doesn't want that. She says she cares about me but doesn't LOVE me anymore. I am the one miserable now.
What can I do???
Gotta stay happy.
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