Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

[winoholly]

Hi Everyone,
I just discovered this site accidentally while searching the internet for Kudzu reviews and felt compelled to join. I feel a little silly moaning about my situation when so many other people on here have gone through real hardships but if you would indulge me I would like to take the opportunity to introduce myself and my situation.

I haven't had any if the problems so many people have struggled with, but my drinking kind of snuck up on me. I joined weight watchers recently (to lose the last stubborn 15 lbs of baby weight) and part of that involves tracking everything you eat and drink. So there I am, with my 18 allotted points for the day, feeling pretty good until it comes to entering beverages.
I always have one or two of those large bottles of wine hanging about in the fridge but it wasn't until I saw it all laid out infront of me on the computer that it hit me. I checked it again... surely I couldn't be drinking one of those almost all to myself every day, could I? Apparently so.

I'm a stay at home mum/housewife, originally from the UK but living in Texas with my hubby & 13 month old little girl. I never thought I drank a lot as I don't pass out, get hangovers ever or ever feel drunk - a little buzzed by the time I go to bed but nothing much. I don't know anyone on this town and don't drive so I'm just indoors alone with my baby all day with no one to talk to... I get so miserable and lonely sometimes. Then the hubby gets home late afternoon, we open a bottle (me wine, him beer, although he only drinks one or 2 total) and he takes the baby while I make dinner & we chat about our day etc. It's become my social routine and I feel so ashamed now I realize just how much I'm drinking.

The problem is that now I'm aware of it and want to moderate I cant - I go a day without drinking and all I can think about is how much I want wine. I'm sorry to have rambled on so long, but it's so nice to actually express the situation. I started to research moderation, which led me to kudzu, which led me here.

I want to get a handle on this NOW, before another year goes by and I realize I'm drinking 2 or 3 bottles to myself.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
Holly x

[mooderator]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

Hello Holly

Welcome to you. You have come to a great place here. You will find lots of support. It is excellent that you shared your story and never feel that your issues are less important than anyone elses. Being lonely and isolated is extremely hard. I have found that there are many different types of people here and once you read some posts and threads for a bit you will find a group/groups where you feel you best fit.

Have a think about what you want to achieve at first. There are threads on tools to help you get over cravings, there is advise on meds and supps. There is drink tracker and there is lots of support.

If you want to PM me any time you are welcome. My story is set out for all to see in "moo's plan". I have never been addicted to AL physically at all, but liked to chase the buzz once a week (true brit) and therefore needed assistance to moderate and I am getting the support I need for that here.

Just know we are all here for you.

Love Moo

[greeneyes]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

winoholly;715683 wrote: I want to get a handle on this NOW, before another year goes by and I realize I'm drinking 2 or 3 bottles to myself.

Holly, Hi and welcome! That statement you made above is fantastic! It is wonderful that you see that now because that is exactly how it gets into danger zone and is even harder to get a handle on. So, the way you get a handle on it is to make a plan. Got one? May I suggest you read RJ's book? Great job on "sensing an issue" early on!

[Lynnie]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

:welcome:Welcome Holly....you've come to a great place. Stick close by and read lots of posts and you'll learn alot. You'll learn that you are not alone. And good for you to have the awareness that you have and to make the attempt to change now before things get out of your control.

:welcome:

[rubywillow]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

Welcome Holly. You've done well identifying some of your triggers, but even better just having the nerve to post here. DON'T EVER APOLOGIZE TO US for being here, our boat never gets too full!
Rubes

[tawnywitch]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

Holly I have just found this site too, I posted on another thread just know, I am the same, I don't drive, live in the depths of the counrty and am a stayathome mum and yes it does just creep up doesn't it? let's try and support eachother, I really want to be around to see my grandchildren, I am sure you can do it , good luck,

[geranium]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

Hi
When I read your post my first thought was, thats like me,or used to be like me. I too am a stay at home mum, hubbie works away during the week. Until recently wine has been my best friend, really, and like you, I never passsed out as such (even though I always fell asleep putting the kids to bed).
I found this website over a year ago, and I read it often but dont post much, but have found it really really helpful, just to know that you are not alone in all of this. I am on day 5 AF and when I start my craving (4pm onwards, picking kids up time!) I get on this website and read, it really helps me. I do also take the supps and find L Glut really good.
You have insight into your situation and thats really important as without that the will to change can be a difficult road.
I am unclear of my goals, and I know that I need to work on that, but at the moment just getting into bed at night and feeling so proud that I havent let myself drink is reward enough. I also have more patience with my kids.
You said you are at home all day with your child. Are there any local groups to join?....I know they sometimes sound bad, but sometimes it helps to have something else to do. Mother and baby groups?, something at the libary perhaps?
Good luck

[winoholly]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

Thanks for all the lovely replies guys...
I like what you said Geranium - wine was your best friend... that's how I feel right now. It makes me not mind being alone all the time, at least not so much anyway.
I got some kudzu yesterday, and took it for the first time last night. I don't know how much of it is psychological but Instead of my usual almost full bottle I didn't even finish my second glass. I took two more this morning as is says on the bottle and will take another two at about 5pm.

I'll let you know how it goes but I must say I can't remember the last time I wasn't compelled to just keep on drinking - it was a good feeling.
We have been talking about moving back to Europe for ages, as we were both much more at home there and I didn't have to rely on any one for rides & stuff. I have decided to start making concrete plans or at least proactively looking into my options.

[Wasp]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

First Sober Night?

Hi Everyone, I have just joined this site, and like Holly wine is my best friend, but I know I need to let the demon go! My BP is sky high, my doctor has told me to have no alcohol for 2 months, she also told me what I was - A functioning Alcoholic. I work 3 days a week in a job I love, yesterday at work there were times I could hardly see my computer screen as my eyes water so much, from the wine the night before. I have forgotten what it is like to wake up without a hangover. Please help M

winoholly;715683 wrote: Hi Everyone,
I just discovered this site accidentally while searching the internet for Kudzu reviews and felt compelled to join. I feel a little silly moaning about my situation when so many other people on here have gone through real hardships but if you would indulge me I would like to take the opportunity to introduce myself and my situation.

I haven't had any if the problems so many people have struggled with, but my drinking kind of snuck up on me. I joined weight watchers recently (to lose the last stubborn 15 lbs of baby weight) and part of that involves tracking everything you eat and drink. So there I am, with my 18 allotted points for the day, feeling pretty good until it comes to entering beverages.
I always have one or two of those large bottles of wine hanging about in the fridge but it wasn't until I saw it all laid out infront of me on the computer that it hit me. I checked it again... surely I couldn't be drinking one of those almost all to myself every day, could I? Apparently so.

I'm a stay at home mum/housewife, originally from the UK but living in Texas with my hubby & 13 month old little girl. I never thought I drank a lot as I don't pass out, get hangovers ever or ever feel drunk - a little buzzed by the time I go to bed but nothing much. I don't know anyone on this town and don't drive so I'm just indoors alone with my baby all day with no one to talk to... I get so miserable and lonely sometimes. Then the hubby gets home late afternoon, we open a bottle (me wine, him beer, although he only drinks one or 2 total) and he takes the baby while I make dinner & we chat about our day etc. It's become my social routine and I feel so ashamed now I realize just how much I'm drinking.

The problem is that now I'm aware of it and want to moderate I cant - I go a day without drinking and all I can think about is how much I want wine. I'm sorry to have rambled on so long, but it's so nice to actually express the situation. I started to research moderation, which led me to kudzu, which led me here.

I want to get a handle on this NOW, before another year goes by and I realize I'm drinking 2 or 3 bottles to myself.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
Holly x

[JackieClaire]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

:welcome:

Hi Wino and Wasp,

You've found a good safe place here.

Good advice already giving, so just wanted to say hello and give you support.

Keep reading the posts. Keep posting.

Big PLEASE let us know how you're doing.

All the luck and strength in the world to you both.

Love Jackie xxx

AF since 7/7/2009

:l

[universal]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

hi Holly -

Glad to see you here and that you have decided to grab this beast early.

I cannot even imagine the difficulties of being a stay at home mom with a little one. I was a single mom for years but I was able to work outside the home and the stress still got me into an alcoholic haze. It's hard, there's no question.

You will find many moms here, many people from all walks of life that will support you. I am glad the kudzu is working and who cares whether it is just psycological or not! If it works, keep it up!

Best of luck,

Uni

[dora]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

Having a baby can be lonely and if you don't know anybody that can exacerbate feelings of loneliness. Are there any toddler groups you can go to? I found it very easy to drink away the stresses of my day when my hubby cam home. It was almost as if it was ok to drink when he was around as he was there to look after the kids. I was a bottle of white wine a day kind of girl but before I knew it this creeped up to 1 1/2 bottles often 2. It sounds like you have a good insight into your drinking, good luck!

Dora

[needachange]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

You are very smart to get a handle on this now. I also was a stay at home mom and that is when beer was my companion. No hangovers, no drunkedness. 10 years later, I have a full blown problem with AL on my hands. Do not ignore your inner thoughts. Glad to have you here.

[Celtic Woman]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

Holly,

Welcome and I am a newbie too. I have to say that I totally relate to the stay at home mum thing. I was a senior health professional before and always felt if I had children that I should be a full time mum and stop working. I did and yes, I drank. it is lonely and isolating at times being a homemaker. Mother and toddler groups were so not for me, as even now the playground stuff isn't, however I maintain I was right to be the stay home mum and that the issues which I deal with as a result are more genetics than circumstance.

I am not the natural mother type- I crave mental stimulation. I crave challenge. Yet I stayed home and gave up on myself.

I do think from my own past experience though that I could have used my time a little more positively. It is so easy to become unmotivated when we are alone. try to do something memorable every single day with your little one,however small, to reenforce your self worth. And ensure you have time for you. Alone.

My reward,like you, was when daddy came home and then I could let down my guard and relax. 4pm nightmare!!!!

[mario]

Hi there... very lonely...I feel a little silly...

just like to say hi and :welcome:,good for you for trying to get control of your drinking now. its never to late :goodjob: