Hi everyone, Modereco here from Toronto... on Day 6 :thumbs: and feeling great!
My drinking was mostly alone at night, and until 5 days ago, it was the primary way I got to sleep. Whether it was a few glasses of wine or a half bottle of vodka (ugh) I felt the need to drink to block out my anxiety and worries that otherwise would overwhelm me as I lay in bed, basically causing mild insomnia since it could take hours to fall asleep without it.
This past week I have been having a strong cup of valerian tea, made with loose valerian which I grind myself and put into a tea ball with chamomile and mint. It is actually working! I find myself feeling very sleepy and falling asleep pretty quickly, and waking up feeling rested.
Anyway... one side effect of the valerian has been vivid dreams, and last night I had one that brought me full circle. it is definitely related to my goal of going AF, and it was basically a flash back reminding me of... MY FIRST DRINK.
In my dream I was in the Rectory of the church where I went when I was a kid, also went K-8 to the elementary school there (Catholic). When I was 12-13 I had a job on weeknights and Saturdays answering the phone in the lobby and taking messages for the priests. So last night i found myself back in time, sneaking around in the priest's home when no one was there... (BAD Catholic boy!!!) Like many priests, our pastor was a big drinker and in his office he had a mini fridge stocked full of beer. My flashback dream reminded me, that this was actually the first time I ever really drank, when I decided to try a beer for myself and brought it back to my desk, and hid it in my drawer.
Funny thing in my dream, I was searching for something else, not the beer, some cryptic message on a piece of paper which I cannot remember. but the memory of what the place looked and felt like all came flooding back and I recall that I had not just one but at least 2 beers from the priest's fridge, and as a 12 year old I got pretty drunk.
I do not recall drinking again until I was in my 3rd or 4th year of high school, and then it was really old nasty vodka that my friend found and I immediately threw it up. but I have read that people who drink for the first time at a young age have a greater likelihood of becoming an alcoholic. The dream has really affected me today as I am realizing that the seeds of my addiction were planted (by me!) pretty early.
My drinking was mostly alone at night, and until 5 days ago, it was the primary way I got to sleep. Whether it was a few glasses of wine or a half bottle of vodka (ugh) I felt the need to drink to block out my anxiety and worries that otherwise would overwhelm me as I lay in bed, basically causing mild insomnia since it could take hours to fall asleep without it.
This past week I have been having a strong cup of valerian tea, made with loose valerian which I grind myself and put into a tea ball with chamomile and mint. It is actually working! I find myself feeling very sleepy and falling asleep pretty quickly, and waking up feeling rested.
Anyway... one side effect of the valerian has been vivid dreams, and last night I had one that brought me full circle. it is definitely related to my goal of going AF, and it was basically a flash back reminding me of... MY FIRST DRINK.
In my dream I was in the Rectory of the church where I went when I was a kid, also went K-8 to the elementary school there (Catholic). When I was 12-13 I had a job on weeknights and Saturdays answering the phone in the lobby and taking messages for the priests. So last night i found myself back in time, sneaking around in the priest's home when no one was there... (BAD Catholic boy!!!) Like many priests, our pastor was a big drinker and in his office he had a mini fridge stocked full of beer. My flashback dream reminded me, that this was actually the first time I ever really drank, when I decided to try a beer for myself and brought it back to my desk, and hid it in my drawer.
Funny thing in my dream, I was searching for something else, not the beer, some cryptic message on a piece of paper which I cannot remember. but the memory of what the place looked and felt like all came flooding back and I recall that I had not just one but at least 2 beers from the priest's fridge, and as a 12 year old I got pretty drunk.
I do not recall drinking again until I was in my 3rd or 4th year of high school, and then it was really old nasty vodka that my friend found and I immediately threw it up. but I have read that people who drink for the first time at a young age have a greater likelihood of becoming an alcoholic. The dream has really affected me today as I am realizing that the seeds of my addiction were planted (by me!) pretty early.
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