THE WRONG STEP

[ANGEL26]

I'AM A 26YEAR OLD FEMALE AND I HAVE THREE BOYS (11)(5)AND(2).I'M CURRENTLY LIVE WITH MY 2YEAROLD'S FATHER WHO IS 29YERS OLD.I HAVE BEEN WITH HIM FOR THREE AND A HALF YEARS.MY PROBLEM IS THAT HE DOESN'T GIVE ME AFFECTION,HE DON'T TELL ME HE LOVES ME OR THAT IAM PRETTY,HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT MY TWO KIDS THAT ARE NOT HIS.WHEN THE REALATIONSHIP STARTED SHE ACTED LIKE HE CARE FOR THEM BUT KNOW THAT I HAVE HIS KID EVERYTHING HAS CHANGE,HE HAS CHEAT ON ME IN THE PAST HE SAID I HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS,HE SAID HE IS DOING EVERYTHING THAT HE HAS TO DO.MY 2 YEAROLD LOVES HIM SO MUCH AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO,I DON'T WANNA TAKE HIS DADDY AWAY.MY OLDEST USE TO BLAME ME ALOT WHEN I LELF THE OTHER REALATIONSHIP,I DON'T WANNA GO THRU THAT AGAIN.WE BOTH WORK BUT BECAUSE HE DOES FISICAL WORK AND I SIT BEHIND A DESK I CAN'T BE TIERD.HE REFUSES TO TAKE ME OUT ANYWHERE WHEN HE GOES OUT HE GOES BY HIMSELF OR WITH HIS FRIENDS.HE TELLS ME THAT I HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT A MAN NEEDS TO GO OUT WITH THE GUY FRIEND ONCE A WEEK AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, BUT THEN AGAIN HE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING WITH ME.WHATS THE PROBLEM......I FEEL LIKE IM FALLING OUT OF LOVE,LIKE I DON'T LOVE HIM LIKE I USED TOO AND I DON'T KNOW WHY IAM STILL HERE.WE WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED THIS YEAR AND HE SAID NO...HIS EXCUSE WAS THERE WAS NO MONEY FOR THAT.I ALSO DO ALL THE HANDYWORK THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE IN THE HOUSE WITH NOT HELP FROM HIM..HE SHOWS NO CARE.WHAT SHOULD I DO.....I NEED TO KNOW WHATS RIGHT

SINCERLY:ANGEL26

[Allie]

THE WRONG STEP

Angel,
I think you already know this, but you are in a very unhealthy relationship! I know its hard to convey the whole story in one post, but from what you are saying, he sounds very, VERY selfish. Its all about HIS child, HIS time out with his buddies and HIS needs. When it comes to responsibility, he is letting you take that role. Not helping with handywork around the home, not caring for your other two children (that will get way worse if you marry him if he is acting like this now) and not saving any money for marriage which you have both discussed and agreed on.

You other children are still young enough to adjust. It will be hard, but think about the long term relationship for your children. I can tell you right now that this man will not stand by you forever. Men will always put their best foot forward BEFORE marriage. You can only assume these issues will get worse after marriage. Get out before your children get any older because the older they are, the harder it will be for them. Every day you stay with him you are communicating to your other children that "This is the kind of man you are supposed to be and act like." By staying with him, you are showing your children you approve of his neglect of you and them. What do you think your kids will be like by the time they are 16 or 17 with a role model like that? I had to leave my children's father when they were 2 and 6 and it was very tough, but the abuse was worse. I remarried a wonderful man who adopted them and we have one together. My oldest two are now 19 and 16 and very well adjusted, happy and call my husband "Dad." So glad I got out. Do what's in your heart... I think you already know.

Best of luck!
Allie

[Ivygoodluck]

THE WRONG STEP

Angel,

I agree with everything Allie says. This man is a selfish jerk. My dad always said to me, "YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED." So now I say that to you. Don't accept less. This situation is not good for your kids either, in the long run.

Good luck!

Ivy

[Saint Jude]

THE WRONG STEP

Ditto on Allie & Ivy's posts... Don't confuse physical attraction with real love ... Been there .. done that.. It's highly over-rated... & it'll leave ya... "HIGH-N-DRY" in a heart beat!! You & you're babies deserve soo much more! Don't settle for less.

:l Judie

[wfsimine]

THE WRONG STEP

You are so young and have your whole life to live. Do what you have to do to make a stable, happy life for yourself and your children. They don't need a role model like him. Go forward and don't look back!!!