here I go again

[Cheech66]

Well I have been here before dang!!?? I went 6 months the first time around with all your help and a lot of self fortitude but here I am again!!!?? I am trying to think of the things I did not do the first time I tried to go AF and the one thing I think of most is that I did not tell my story. This could be long so be prepared if you choose to read this. I have been drinking for well over 20 years now, I grew up in an area where there was not a lot to do but look for trouble. I would not change my upbringing except for the heavy drinking which I started around 13 14 years old. This set up a pattern that I never learned how to get out of or deal with? I have always drank to get drunk and don?t know any other way. I was given a lot of latitude when I was young to young by the way from my parents because they thought I could handle it? I have been through my Father having brain surgery twice and my mother trying to kill herself from suffering with depression over losing her parents when she was 20 something and I was 3 years old!! I actually saved my moms life by giving her cpr and getting her to the hospital before she died when I was 17! So I have been carrying a lot of baggage around with me for years now and threw a lot of introspection and therapy have realized that I need to find a way to deal with the feelings of self worthlessness without al!!!! A year and half ago or so I stopped drinking for 6 months and thought I was done with al!!! Well in that time frame my family moved back to my home town and I lived with my inlaws don?t do that if you have to by the way and started drinking again!!! Now I am back to drinking every day and am feeling terrible and need to start all over again. I have two wonderful boyz and a baby girl on the way I am a stay at home dad and need to get myself sober again before my baby girl arrives in the next couple weeks or so!?? I hope that I can do this and ask for your help once again threw this trying time to beat the beast I have done it before and hope I can muster up the strength to do it again. I have to admit I am irritated with myself that I got back to this point again but realize that al can raise its evil head no matter what we do. I am so tired of being tired I just want to feel good again not sure the first time around af I gave myself a chance to feel good. I am not sure I know what it feels like to be sober since I have been a drunk most of my life but I know I went 6 months sober and hope I can do it again. I am quite sure I am leaving things out here in my story but it?s a start and that is all I can do right now!!! Thank you!!!!

[Zeppie2]

here I go again

Hi Cheech

Like you, I fell off the good ole wagon but am back with gusto. I am finding it much easier this time around. I know what to expect and where I went wrong.

Welcome back

[Suni]

here I go again

Hey Cheech66,
Well done on your story. You’re not underestimating the harm your drinking has and is doing and it takes guts to face up to it and write it down. And you’re right to have hope! You’ve done it before so you are able to do it again.
Have you got a plan yet of what you need to do to stay sober? If not take a look in the toolbox (in the monthly abstainers forum I think). Great tips and hints about what others are doing to stay sober.
You say you’ve done a lot of introspection and therapy. Have you head help with that or is it something you’ve done alone? Remember there is lots of motivating reading on here too and we are all here for you.
I’ve only started out myself and I’m journaling my way through day by day and reading and posting on here regularly.
I wish you luck this time around. You can do this! There’s a little baby girl about to come into your life who deserves better. As does your other half!

[Cheech66]

here I go again

Im baaaaacccck!!!

I have been thinking that I would like to start or see a new thread for those of us have been af for an extended time for me it was 6 months and fell of the wagon and are back to old tricks with al!!! Just a thought I am sure there some of us out there that could commiserate and support eachother to go af again!!!??? I have not gone af yet I am putting my plan together and think that perhaps this reoccuror (sorry for made up word) may be a great new thread let me know what ya all think tks!!!

[Cheech66]

here I go again

Zeppie2;745479 wrote: Hi Cheech

Like you, I fell off the good ole wagon but am back with gusto. I am finding it much easier this time around. I know what to expect and where I went wrong.

Welcome back

check out my latest post!!

[Cheech66]

here I go again

??? anyone buhler buhler!!??

[1967]

here I go again

I am in the same wagon. But I am starting to learn what to avoid to remain firmly on the wagon. I cannot avoid stress but I can avoid hunger & fatigue. And I need to reward myself with special treatss
I also learned it doesn't matter if I have to trick myself into sobriety. I will do whatevr it takes.

[shirazgirl]

here I go again

Sobriety is a bumpy road and I believe most have fallen off before they attain their goals. Don't be hard on yourself. Lingering in yesterday only takes away from what you can do today. You want this, you have the tools to do this and you need to climb back in. Think of how great you felt when you were sober. I think the self loathing is the worst part of all of this.

I came to this sight, not knowing what I wanted. I think the allure of moderation brought me here. The truth of the matter is, is I think it is to much work to try to control my drinking. It's easier not to worry about how many is to many if there is none to begin with. Maybe you can adopt the same way of thinking. If you are not physically addicted, it is purely your own will and determination to make a better life for yourself.

Not to blow sunshine up your arse w/ sobriety, because there are days when I am bored to death and not so much Miss Molly Sunshire. The good part, is those days are fewer than the days I am happy w/ being sober (AND SO MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVE)....

Jump back in here and gain the confidence that lies within....we will be looking for you!

[wannabee]

here I go again

will and determination

Yes, Here I go again as well. Do we have a support group for us. How does this work.
Is it through a new thread.
Wondering how many of you are I like me and don't consider your self a drunk. How many of us have this obsession with having a drink before dinner. We just can't stop the crazing of wanting more if we have a drink, especially on an emply stomach. We do seem to stop drinking as soon as we have had dinner, but oh to often we are enebriated by that time.

If you do not see yourself as an alcoholic,(addicted to alcohol) it is; will and deternimation we need.They seem like such simple qualities to come up with, especially at the start of the day, but for myself and others like me they are oh so hard to put in place after you work day is done. A beer (or wine for others) sounds so good.
An inner little voice oh so quickly steps in an gives permission for just one, because, it will be just one.(ya right) We almost deserve this little treat, we have no other vises. It will taste so good. It will give us time to unwind and talk with our partner.(if you have a partner)

The voice or whatever you want to call it , oh so smoothly resets all that will and detemintion. The strongly convicted person you thought you were changed to the weakling that you are. You end up having three or four and your night is done.Probably nothing gained in having the drinks,probably nothing is really lost either(especailly if there is no one else around, but your self esteem is smashed.
Sorry for being a downer but I have just gone through a period of dissappointment in my self. Dissappointment in that I am not asking a big thing of myself, all I want to do is have the will power to not have a drink say -Monday to Friday and the will and determination to always, always have food with it. I no otherwise it is going to go straight into the blood stream. I am most likely not going to remember a lot if I have gone over the three beer limit.
I am going to try again tonight with my peanuts and club soda.( I have been able on occasion to use this tool). It is only the hour or so before I put dinner on the table that I need to get through. Yes tonight I an going to use will and determination.
Reply if you are in the same boat and want to help each other

[shirazgirl]

here I go again

Oh yes, everyone has a time that affects them the most. I do other things during that time and change my schedule around. I guess I am a drunk or I wouldn't be here. It is what it is. I would rather have this then some disease that can't be halted. For me, it is sure willpower and determination. I tried the meds, books, etc, but in the end, it was me who had to do this. No magic pill. I had to want sobriety more then I wanted the drink (and if you put the pro's and con's on paper, the answer is CLEAR). Change your habits and the things that you associated w/ drinking. It's getting easier although I don't consider myself very far out of the woods. I ingest all of this in small doses. The more sober time you get, the better you will be able to reflect and see what you are giving up will be rewarded with a gift that you didn't anticipate. Keep coming back!

[wannabee]

here I go again

Hi Shirazgirl.
Hadn't picked up on your reply post before now, guess we have crossed paths before.
One of the tools I used to help me keep on track was to email my daughter to say
"I am sorry that I have had more drinks than I can handle on too many of the recent times I have seen you and Tyson. I hate myself for this weakness, and find my behaviour unacceptable....etc"
Thought it would help me be accountable for my actions.

[Emmy]

here I go again

:h very well said Shira:h

shirazgirl;754569 wrote: Oh yes, everyone has a time that affects them the most. I do other things during that time and change my schedule around. I guess I am a drunk or I wouldn't be here. It is what it is. I would rather have this then some disease that can't be halted. For me, it is sure willpower and determination. I tried the meds, books, etc, but in the end, it was me who had to do this. No magic pill. I had to want sobriety more then I wanted the drink (and if you put the pro's and con's on paper, the answer is CLEAR). Change your habits and the things that you associated w/ drinking. It's getting easier although I don't consider myself very far out of the woods. I ingest all of this in small doses. The more sober time you get, the better you will be able to reflect and see what you are giving up will be rewarded with a gift that you didn't anticipate. Keep coming back!

[wanttobehealthy]

here I go again

we can do it

:upset:I am irritated with myself. Ashamed. I pray for help. And that's why I am here...and that's why you are back. I too am battling horrible things in my life. We need to do this without our deadly friend in a bottle. How? I'm not sure, I just know that this is the first day of the rest of my life. You WILL be sober when that little girl comes. We need to keep telling ourselves we are good people and that we can get over this. I know it's not going to be easy. But I don't want to die.
QUOTE=Cheech66;745415]Well I have been here before dang!!?? I went 6 months the first time around with all your help and a lot of self fortitude but here I am again!!!?? I am trying to think of the things I did not do the first time I tried to go AF and the one thing I think of [most is that I did not tell my story. This could be long so be prepared if you choose to read this. I have been drinking for well over 20 years now, I grew up in an area where there was not a lot to do but look for trouble. I would not change my upbringing except for the heavy drinking which I started around 13 14 years old. This set up a pattern that I never learned how to get out of or deal with? I have always drank to get drunk and don?t know any other way. I was given a lot of latitude when I was young to young by the way from my parents because they thought I could handle it? I have been through my Father having brain surgery twice and my mother trying to kill herself from suffering with depression over losing her parents when she was 20 something and I was 3 years old!! I actually saved my moms life by giving her cpr and getting her to the hospital before she died when I was 17! So I have been carrying a lot of baggage around with me for years now and threw a lot of introspection and therapy have realized that I need to find a way to deal with the feelings of self worthlessness without al!!!! A year and half ago or so I stopped drinking for 6 months and thought I was done with al!!! Well in that time frame my family moved back to my home town and I lived with my inlaws don?t do that if you have to by the way and started drinking again!!! Now I am back to drinking every day and am feeling terrible and need to start all over again. I have two wonderful boyz and a baby girl on the way I am a stay at home dad and need to get myself sober again before my baby girl arrives in the next couple weeks or so!?? I hope that I can do this and ask for your help once again threw this trying time to beat the beast I have done it before and hope I can muster up the strength to do it again. I have to admit I am irritated with myself that I got back to this point again but realize that al can raise its evil head no matter what we do. I am so tired of being tired I just want to feel good again not sure the first time around af I gave myself a chance to feel good. I am not sure I know what it feels like to be sober since I have been a drunk most of my life but I know I went 6 months sober and hope I can do it again. I am quite sure I am leaving things out here in my story but it?s a start and that is all I can do right now!!! Thank you!!!![/QUOTE]

[wannabee]

here I go again

Just picked this thread up again. wondering how Cheech is doing and if the baby girl has arrived.
I agree with Shiragirl that the more time away from alcohol the easier the resolve to the controller of your OWN destiny.(rather then the drinks being the controller)
The ability to be in control of my drinking is definitely a gift that I have been able to give myself lately.
Fortunately I have been able to change the routines which has helped. This combined with the deternimation to change a life style I don't want to continue has given me the will to not go buy beer.
How is it going for you?

[Cheech66]

here I go again

Hola all

well I am back and not sober but working on it. My girl is beautiful and healthy as can be. I am really blown away by the responces here and will keep yopu all posted to of my status my best to you all!

Cheech66 :goodjob: