Here is my story
I started drinking when I was 22 or so after college. When I was 15 my mother dumped me into rehab as a result of me being a rebellious child from a divorced household. Funny the doctor told her I had cocaine in my system which to this day I have never even tried. The only drug I have ever played with is pot and that is very rare. Anyways I was dumped into AA and I had hung out there till I was 22. It was like a social thing and eventually I became disillusioned with the constant complaining and bitching but being young and dumb it kept me out of trouble. I am sure I didn?t belong there at the time. So at 22 I had entered into my job which is a very high paid sales position if you?re good and its 100% commission. I started drinking at business social events. Never got drunk purely social. Then as time went by I started the weekend partying with friends. I never let booze affect my job occasionally I would have to work on the weekends so those weekends booze was not an option. I excelled in my profession. I was a top gun could write my own ticket with any company I wanted. I was not a job hopper I worked for two companies then at age 34 started my own company. I was on the hook for millions of dollars and one bad business decision could bankrupt me personally and these decisions were like 30 to 40 a month. I handled this by going home and having a few beers to unwind. Then I discovered vodka which I began a love affair with. Two years ago I was in a bar and bsing with two young girls I told them I could tell the difference between stoli absolute grey goose and Smirnoff. I bet them my bar tab vs theirs I went outside had a smoke came back in an boom drank 4 shots got all 4 with no trouble they freaked out..not so much at telling the shots apart but the $160 tab I had going at 6pm by myself an after 4 shots plus my tab didn?t appear ?that?drunk?. My father whom never drank passed away in 05. I was very close to him an the first time I ever experienced death of someone so close. So now with my new tools of vodka and Coors light I handled it very well. I was always a happy drunk never mean no fights..just get dumb happy and pass out. For friends I was always drawn to hard chargers and hard drinkers so they never said anything to me and I always figured if I?m not drinking more or as much as them no problem your not missing work financially your kicking ass..boats cars all cash..place at the beach a house in the mountain my personal residence in the high dollar part of town. My relationships with women were a different story I have had about 4 serious relationships as an adult. The last 2 said I was partying way too much the last one of the 4 called me ?the drunk? as a funny thing. But when I was tanked which by age 36 could be 5 nights a week the fights were not funny. I was jeckll and Hyde. I could become a very verbally abusive monster. But hell I was in a blackout so who cares I never remembered it but she did. I rationalized like heck I didn?t hit you or even come close, common give me a break I was drunk for gods sake , you know I?m not like that. This girl said me or the bottle I said your nuts goodbye. During this time I was 36 ish I remember I went on cruise with my whole family there like 15 of us. I was fresh off the break-up so how did I handle it..of course booze time. My mother whom also never drank said she would never go on a cruise with me again. I monopolized her boy friend who is a big drinker and we sat at the bar every day on a 2 week cruise from 11 to 5pm. He would nap for dinner I would just keep drinking. Then get dressed for dinner drink through dinner an then drink till 3am pass out and do it again. That cruise was pivotal to my drinking..the room which was nice balcony suite cost me 2K my bar tab for 14 days was 3K by myself. I did the math it was like 40+ drinks a day. Plus that doesn?t count in port when all did was get off the ship and find the closest bar. On this cruise I found my new and current love Crown royal on the rocks. I was now ready for my booze to be straight out of the bottle. My mother boyfriend into?d me to scotch I loved that to but crown is my drink. After my father passed away I became very dissatisfied at work. I was making a ton of money but the stress was killing me and I was not happy. My drinking had increased 10 fold to just about everyday..the liquor store was like the grocery store to me and I also discovered the good old neighborhood bar same guys every night bitching about the same old things and getting smashed every night of the week. I was there mon-Friday for 5 years from 6ish to close around 10pm. I was the youngest guy there. Misery loves company and besides who the hell wants to drink alone. I hired one of the bartenders to work for me. He told after we became good work friends damn boy you are one of the hardest drinkers in there how the hell do you make it to work everyday by 8am and function hence my new joke well I am a functioning alcoholic. I had an uncle that drank everyday of his life to extreme levels but had two jobs when he was in retirement so hell I thought I was like him. Feeling like shit with the hangovers became a way of life. You get used to anything after a while besides the buzz the feeling it was all worth it. I used to think you wanna play well you gotta pay. Still booze never affected my work life at all people in the business circles I ran in people didn?t know I even drank. I didn?t try to hide it but I had rule never to get smashed where it counted. Now at age 39 unhappy at work I closed my company I had 32 employees and I walked in one day in June and had a meeting and said we are closing you need to find a job. They were like when I said one week meeting over. I went home and was actually feeling great about my decision which wasn?t an easy one. I wanted major life changes I wanted out of the large metropolitan area I wanted to buy a house in Montana and one in fla and go back and forth and slow down and enjoy life. I sold some rental properties and was going to sell my personal residence an go for it. Not retire but find a new field in something I loved. Financially I was set. Then the bomb dropped my mother who was more than a mother but like a best friend to me was diagnosed terminally ill with emphysema. She had no insurance. Her boyfriend was in the process of selling his house and just had his 4th heart attack so I moved them both into my house. I have a sister but her and mother were not on the best of terms I asked her to help me she said I took care of Dad your turn you take care of mom. This is like July so I took my mother to the beach house till September she loved it there. I drank to insane level to try an cope with the fact she is dying. I was now drinking a half gallon every two days plus beer plus shot of blackhaus. Crown and blauckhaus I called it the mind eraser I would black out for sure. It numbed the pain of her approaching death. She lived in a very terrible quality of life for the next 2 years and was completely bed ridden for the last year. Me I was wasted drunk during almost all of it. I was probably drunk more than sober. I did the best I could do. The expense of the doctors and the medications destroyed me but I was glad I had it to do no regrets there. During this time I met a girl and eventually we became engaged. I remember telling her when we first met don?t ever give me shit about my drinking I am a functioning alcoholic again she thought it was funny and laughed it off. My mother death was not a good one she did not want to die and became very nasty and abusive. The worse she got the more I drank. Everyday every night. Then the fights started with my fianc? and I was out of control verbally calling her every name I could think of and not remembering any of it. One night I drank so much crown I think the majority of a half gallon my girlfriend my mother and her boyfriend called an ambulance for me. They said I was passed out they couldn?t get me up my eyes were rolling back in my head. When the ambulance came and I?m on the gurney I wake up and tell the ambulance crew to get the hell out of my house I?m going no wh
ere. They call the cops I?m belligerent with the cops and next thing I know I?m cuffed and taken to the hospital. I wake up 8 hours later in the hospital and I?m like ok im out of here. Nope the doors are locked next thing I know I?m in the nut ward for making suicidal threats when I was drunk. Again I couldn?t remember I was blacked out. They detox me I?m out in three days what do I do..I?ll show them crown time. At this point my girl is going along with the abuse thinking he has a hell of load taking care of his mom and paying the freight for her treatments. It was bad so many wacked incidents with me to count. All booze related I was a true jeckl and hyde except now all she got was the evil side of me. At this point I couldn?t leave the house it was 24/7 care that was needed the few times I went out it was bad. If someone looked at me wrong I was ready to throw down. I was banned from local neighborhood bar for knocking out bartender I got into with. Lucky I didn?t end up in jail. My girl?s sister came to town with her husband they were staying at this very high dollar famous hotel and they meet me for the first time boy what a treat that was. I get into a fight with another guy in the hotel bar and I am escorted out. At this point my girl has said this enough. My defense was I have to drink to deal with my moms death. Now she starts leaving coming back leaving coming back. I am a guy no offense to any women out there but women as a whole are a much better care taker than a man. Now I had to do one of the hardest things in my life I had to give my mother a bath. Managing meds taking her to the doctors making the meals cleaning her urine soaked bed daily wash no prob but bathing her that was hell. I had such resentment to my fianc? for walking out on me and leaving me to bath my mother. This is the girl who got me to bed every night because I wasn?t able to walk. Cleaned my puke off me and my house more times than I got hairs on my head and at first never gave me shit. And was helping me with my mother. What does the functioning alcoholic do..call her every name he can think for really no reason. Crazy verbal abuse then wonder why she left me and drink even more. Last September my mother passed. Then the business I was in crashed hard I was hurting financially I was kind of unemployed not by choice meaning my field was deader than a doornail. I ended up renting my house and moving to the beach house for the ?quiet simpler life?. It became hell quick my fianc? and I got back together she moved to the middle of nowhere with me. She has an aunt who also relocated to the area she is very close to. She luckily found a job here in her field which is no easy feat in bumf..k. She moved because she believed in me an saw a future and marriage. What she got was utter hell. I drank to epic levels. I knew I couldn?t be in public for I was smart enough to know I would end up in jail. I knew I cant drive anymore..I never drive drunk. So I became a hermit for a hair over a year now. From last September to June I barely left the house I drank every day all day. I would wake up about noon pass out by 4pm where ever I fell in the house could be the kitchen floor or the front lawn. Yep the neighbors have woken me up on the lawn a few times. I would pass out sometimes with a cigarette my kitchen floor is covered in burns. Then wake up and get ready for the next session from 4 or 5 till midnight then do it all over again. The fights and abuse with my fianc? was everyday at this point so she moved in with her aunt she refused to live with me like this. I am now broke from all the medical expenses from my mom and not working. I say broke but I had just enough money to pay my mortgages for like 6 months and had two rental properties for sale in a horrid market. I had no more money literally mortgage pays and electric the only utility here and of course you guessed it booze. Food ah that was for other people and besides food don?t make you feel this good right? I bought eggs ramen noodles and day old bread. I ate every other day. I was way too proud to turn to my family for financial help. I finally had to borrow money from family to hang on. The question they asked well if you have no money for food how the hell do have money for booze? Fair question if your borrowing a large size amount of cash. My girl would leave come back leave come back. She begged me to get help. She is not like any other woman I have been with she was the love of my life and I have let booze destroy it. I have withdrawn from most of my friends besides at this point they all say you drink way too much. One of my hard drinking buddies from back home came over one night on his boat back in late Aug and said lets take a boat ride. We did from what I remember he said damn junior you need to slow down at some point in the night in some bar which I found out in the am I was thrown out of for being to drunk. I woke in the morning with my pillow and the top half of my bed covered in blood and then quickly realized I couldn?t hear the blood was coming out of my ear. What happened I really still don?t know my drinking buddy still wont really speak to me after I threw up all over him me and his boat. My hearing returned after a week but I still don?t know what I did to myself. Suicidal been there to. Took a gun one night drunk an put 5 in a six shot spun the chamber put it to my head an nothing then aimed the gun at the ceiling and put a hole through my roof. Cops showed up told them I was drunk didn?t hear any gunshot. Got out of it. It scared me so I go to therapy, the therapist says do you think you have a drinking problem after 6 or so sessions..What does the functioning alcoholic do? End of therapy. Some family members try an intervention what does the functioning alcoholic do goodbye family. Sister says you cant be around my kids niece and nephew like this what does the function alcoholic do? Bye niece and nephew. I tell the fianc? mid September booze is the problem I need to quit I will quit. She comes back. I stayed sober for 30 days then went to Denver with a buddy to help him relocate we go to a bar I get hammered call my girl tell her I?m drunk so I know your leaving and then proceed to call her every name in the book before she can even open her mouth.. Those 30 days I felt great and really didn?t miss it to much . My girl doesn?t drink or do drugs great combo right? Anyways she says try pot if you want to get wacked I do but it doesn?t cut it at all. I never smoked a lot of weed and it doesn?t replace the booze. After falling off the wagon in Denver which was two weeks ago I have drank 3 times since. One only 3 beers The other two times my epic levels. We booked a couples therapy session I get hammered before it its on Tuesday I get wasted on sat because we have a fight and I assume she?s leaving again so what better way to end the pain right? Booze. I really wanted to quit and was trying hard. It was a lot harder to quit than I thought. I just quit cold turkey been reading the posts here it helped. She told me she cant deal with my empty promises and no commitment to quit she?s gone and for good reason I cant blame her. The way I?m going there is no future. I thought I was doing great. I have not been sober for 30 days in what seems like forever. I cant stand AA its not for me but I want to quit. Worried because from attending AA in my youth I know they believe their way is the only way. I feel like I am a year or two away from Nick Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. I have no dwi?s or been in jail but I have been hospitalized and lost the love of my life and almost all of my friends and good part of my family all over booze. I want to quit I need to quit. I have read get some hobbies I have plenty fly fishing fly tying woodworking water skiing boating snow skiing surfing 3d modeling guitar but I do none of them anymore my new hobby is crown royal and old country music. I hope I can quit. Sorry for rambling feels good to let it out
I started drinking when I was 22 or so after college. When I was 15 my mother dumped me into rehab as a result of me being a rebellious child from a divorced household. Funny the doctor told her I had cocaine in my system which to this day I have never even tried. The only drug I have ever played with is pot and that is very rare. Anyways I was dumped into AA and I had hung out there till I was 22. It was like a social thing and eventually I became disillusioned with the constant complaining and bitching but being young and dumb it kept me out of trouble. I am sure I didn?t belong there at the time. So at 22 I had entered into my job which is a very high paid sales position if you?re good and its 100% commission. I started drinking at business social events. Never got drunk purely social. Then as time went by I started the weekend partying with friends. I never let booze affect my job occasionally I would have to work on the weekends so those weekends booze was not an option. I excelled in my profession. I was a top gun could write my own ticket with any company I wanted. I was not a job hopper I worked for two companies then at age 34 started my own company. I was on the hook for millions of dollars and one bad business decision could bankrupt me personally and these decisions were like 30 to 40 a month. I handled this by going home and having a few beers to unwind. Then I discovered vodka which I began a love affair with. Two years ago I was in a bar and bsing with two young girls I told them I could tell the difference between stoli absolute grey goose and Smirnoff. I bet them my bar tab vs theirs I went outside had a smoke came back in an boom drank 4 shots got all 4 with no trouble they freaked out..not so much at telling the shots apart but the $160 tab I had going at 6pm by myself an after 4 shots plus my tab didn?t appear ?that?drunk?. My father whom never drank passed away in 05. I was very close to him an the first time I ever experienced death of someone so close. So now with my new tools of vodka and Coors light I handled it very well. I was always a happy drunk never mean no fights..just get dumb happy and pass out. For friends I was always drawn to hard chargers and hard drinkers so they never said anything to me and I always figured if I?m not drinking more or as much as them no problem your not missing work financially your kicking ass..boats cars all cash..place at the beach a house in the mountain my personal residence in the high dollar part of town. My relationships with women were a different story I have had about 4 serious relationships as an adult. The last 2 said I was partying way too much the last one of the 4 called me ?the drunk? as a funny thing. But when I was tanked which by age 36 could be 5 nights a week the fights were not funny. I was jeckll and Hyde. I could become a very verbally abusive monster. But hell I was in a blackout so who cares I never remembered it but she did. I rationalized like heck I didn?t hit you or even come close, common give me a break I was drunk for gods sake , you know I?m not like that. This girl said me or the bottle I said your nuts goodbye. During this time I was 36 ish I remember I went on cruise with my whole family there like 15 of us. I was fresh off the break-up so how did I handle it..of course booze time. My mother whom also never drank said she would never go on a cruise with me again. I monopolized her boy friend who is a big drinker and we sat at the bar every day on a 2 week cruise from 11 to 5pm. He would nap for dinner I would just keep drinking. Then get dressed for dinner drink through dinner an then drink till 3am pass out and do it again. That cruise was pivotal to my drinking..the room which was nice balcony suite cost me 2K my bar tab for 14 days was 3K by myself. I did the math it was like 40+ drinks a day. Plus that doesn?t count in port when all did was get off the ship and find the closest bar. On this cruise I found my new and current love Crown royal on the rocks. I was now ready for my booze to be straight out of the bottle. My mother boyfriend into?d me to scotch I loved that to but crown is my drink. After my father passed away I became very dissatisfied at work. I was making a ton of money but the stress was killing me and I was not happy. My drinking had increased 10 fold to just about everyday..the liquor store was like the grocery store to me and I also discovered the good old neighborhood bar same guys every night bitching about the same old things and getting smashed every night of the week. I was there mon-Friday for 5 years from 6ish to close around 10pm. I was the youngest guy there. Misery loves company and besides who the hell wants to drink alone. I hired one of the bartenders to work for me. He told after we became good work friends damn boy you are one of the hardest drinkers in there how the hell do you make it to work everyday by 8am and function hence my new joke well I am a functioning alcoholic. I had an uncle that drank everyday of his life to extreme levels but had two jobs when he was in retirement so hell I thought I was like him. Feeling like shit with the hangovers became a way of life. You get used to anything after a while besides the buzz the feeling it was all worth it. I used to think you wanna play well you gotta pay. Still booze never affected my work life at all people in the business circles I ran in people didn?t know I even drank. I didn?t try to hide it but I had rule never to get smashed where it counted. Now at age 39 unhappy at work I closed my company I had 32 employees and I walked in one day in June and had a meeting and said we are closing you need to find a job. They were like when I said one week meeting over. I went home and was actually feeling great about my decision which wasn?t an easy one. I wanted major life changes I wanted out of the large metropolitan area I wanted to buy a house in Montana and one in fla and go back and forth and slow down and enjoy life. I sold some rental properties and was going to sell my personal residence an go for it. Not retire but find a new field in something I loved. Financially I was set. Then the bomb dropped my mother who was more than a mother but like a best friend to me was diagnosed terminally ill with emphysema. She had no insurance. Her boyfriend was in the process of selling his house and just had his 4th heart attack so I moved them both into my house. I have a sister but her and mother were not on the best of terms I asked her to help me she said I took care of Dad your turn you take care of mom. This is like July so I took my mother to the beach house till September she loved it there. I drank to insane level to try an cope with the fact she is dying. I was now drinking a half gallon every two days plus beer plus shot of blackhaus. Crown and blauckhaus I called it the mind eraser I would black out for sure. It numbed the pain of her approaching death. She lived in a very terrible quality of life for the next 2 years and was completely bed ridden for the last year. Me I was wasted drunk during almost all of it. I was probably drunk more than sober. I did the best I could do. The expense of the doctors and the medications destroyed me but I was glad I had it to do no regrets there. During this time I met a girl and eventually we became engaged. I remember telling her when we first met don?t ever give me shit about my drinking I am a functioning alcoholic again she thought it was funny and laughed it off. My mother death was not a good one she did not want to die and became very nasty and abusive. The worse she got the more I drank. Everyday every night. Then the fights started with my fianc? and I was out of control verbally calling her every name I could think of and not remembering any of it. One night I drank so much crown I think the majority of a half gallon my girlfriend my mother and her boyfriend called an ambulance for me. They said I was passed out they couldn?t get me up my eyes were rolling back in my head. When the ambulance came and I?m on the gurney I wake up and tell the ambulance crew to get the hell out of my house I?m going no wh
ere. They call the cops I?m belligerent with the cops and next thing I know I?m cuffed and taken to the hospital. I wake up 8 hours later in the hospital and I?m like ok im out of here. Nope the doors are locked next thing I know I?m in the nut ward for making suicidal threats when I was drunk. Again I couldn?t remember I was blacked out. They detox me I?m out in three days what do I do..I?ll show them crown time. At this point my girl is going along with the abuse thinking he has a hell of load taking care of his mom and paying the freight for her treatments. It was bad so many wacked incidents with me to count. All booze related I was a true jeckl and hyde except now all she got was the evil side of me. At this point I couldn?t leave the house it was 24/7 care that was needed the few times I went out it was bad. If someone looked at me wrong I was ready to throw down. I was banned from local neighborhood bar for knocking out bartender I got into with. Lucky I didn?t end up in jail. My girl?s sister came to town with her husband they were staying at this very high dollar famous hotel and they meet me for the first time boy what a treat that was. I get into a fight with another guy in the hotel bar and I am escorted out. At this point my girl has said this enough. My defense was I have to drink to deal with my moms death. Now she starts leaving coming back leaving coming back. I am a guy no offense to any women out there but women as a whole are a much better care taker than a man. Now I had to do one of the hardest things in my life I had to give my mother a bath. Managing meds taking her to the doctors making the meals cleaning her urine soaked bed daily wash no prob but bathing her that was hell. I had such resentment to my fianc? for walking out on me and leaving me to bath my mother. This is the girl who got me to bed every night because I wasn?t able to walk. Cleaned my puke off me and my house more times than I got hairs on my head and at first never gave me shit. And was helping me with my mother. What does the functioning alcoholic do..call her every name he can think for really no reason. Crazy verbal abuse then wonder why she left me and drink even more. Last September my mother passed. Then the business I was in crashed hard I was hurting financially I was kind of unemployed not by choice meaning my field was deader than a doornail. I ended up renting my house and moving to the beach house for the ?quiet simpler life?. It became hell quick my fianc? and I got back together she moved to the middle of nowhere with me. She has an aunt who also relocated to the area she is very close to. She luckily found a job here in her field which is no easy feat in bumf..k. She moved because she believed in me an saw a future and marriage. What she got was utter hell. I drank to epic levels. I knew I couldn?t be in public for I was smart enough to know I would end up in jail. I knew I cant drive anymore..I never drive drunk. So I became a hermit for a hair over a year now. From last September to June I barely left the house I drank every day all day. I would wake up about noon pass out by 4pm where ever I fell in the house could be the kitchen floor or the front lawn. Yep the neighbors have woken me up on the lawn a few times. I would pass out sometimes with a cigarette my kitchen floor is covered in burns. Then wake up and get ready for the next session from 4 or 5 till midnight then do it all over again. The fights and abuse with my fianc? was everyday at this point so she moved in with her aunt she refused to live with me like this. I am now broke from all the medical expenses from my mom and not working. I say broke but I had just enough money to pay my mortgages for like 6 months and had two rental properties for sale in a horrid market. I had no more money literally mortgage pays and electric the only utility here and of course you guessed it booze. Food ah that was for other people and besides food don?t make you feel this good right? I bought eggs ramen noodles and day old bread. I ate every other day. I was way too proud to turn to my family for financial help. I finally had to borrow money from family to hang on. The question they asked well if you have no money for food how the hell do have money for booze? Fair question if your borrowing a large size amount of cash. My girl would leave come back leave come back. She begged me to get help. She is not like any other woman I have been with she was the love of my life and I have let booze destroy it. I have withdrawn from most of my friends besides at this point they all say you drink way too much. One of my hard drinking buddies from back home came over one night on his boat back in late Aug and said lets take a boat ride. We did from what I remember he said damn junior you need to slow down at some point in the night in some bar which I found out in the am I was thrown out of for being to drunk. I woke in the morning with my pillow and the top half of my bed covered in blood and then quickly realized I couldn?t hear the blood was coming out of my ear. What happened I really still don?t know my drinking buddy still wont really speak to me after I threw up all over him me and his boat. My hearing returned after a week but I still don?t know what I did to myself. Suicidal been there to. Took a gun one night drunk an put 5 in a six shot spun the chamber put it to my head an nothing then aimed the gun at the ceiling and put a hole through my roof. Cops showed up told them I was drunk didn?t hear any gunshot. Got out of it. It scared me so I go to therapy, the therapist says do you think you have a drinking problem after 6 or so sessions..What does the functioning alcoholic do? End of therapy. Some family members try an intervention what does the functioning alcoholic do goodbye family. Sister says you cant be around my kids niece and nephew like this what does the function alcoholic do? Bye niece and nephew. I tell the fianc? mid September booze is the problem I need to quit I will quit. She comes back. I stayed sober for 30 days then went to Denver with a buddy to help him relocate we go to a bar I get hammered call my girl tell her I?m drunk so I know your leaving and then proceed to call her every name in the book before she can even open her mouth.. Those 30 days I felt great and really didn?t miss it to much . My girl doesn?t drink or do drugs great combo right? Anyways she says try pot if you want to get wacked I do but it doesn?t cut it at all. I never smoked a lot of weed and it doesn?t replace the booze. After falling off the wagon in Denver which was two weeks ago I have drank 3 times since. One only 3 beers The other two times my epic levels. We booked a couples therapy session I get hammered before it its on Tuesday I get wasted on sat because we have a fight and I assume she?s leaving again so what better way to end the pain right? Booze. I really wanted to quit and was trying hard. It was a lot harder to quit than I thought. I just quit cold turkey been reading the posts here it helped. She told me she cant deal with my empty promises and no commitment to quit she?s gone and for good reason I cant blame her. The way I?m going there is no future. I thought I was doing great. I have not been sober for 30 days in what seems like forever. I cant stand AA its not for me but I want to quit. Worried because from attending AA in my youth I know they believe their way is the only way. I feel like I am a year or two away from Nick Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. I have no dwi?s or been in jail but I have been hospitalized and lost the love of my life and almost all of my friends and good part of my family all over booze. I want to quit I need to quit. I have read get some hobbies I have plenty fly fishing fly tying woodworking water skiing boating snow skiing surfing 3d modeling guitar but I do none of them anymore my new hobby is crown royal and old country music. I hope I can quit. Sorry for rambling feels good to let it out
hi & :welcome: crown 86.just like a lot of people here that's some story,All i can say to you at the moment this is a great community with lots of advice & help,your story is not as uncommon as you think,and there are lots of people here who can help if you really want them to.read as many as the posts/threads as you can and i hope you will stick around. :good job: for making a start toward a new & happier life 
ray:
Wow Crown.................." I could of had a VO. ! Ha! " Let's sober up and tackle this problem head on ! After reading your version of "War and Peace" I know we can help ! Keep posting and asking questions.....were here to help. IAD.
?We are one another's angels?
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