Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

[cuckoosnest83]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

Crown, I'm so very sorry to hear you had to put your pet down. I know what that is like as I had to put my wonderful pet down too. She also was 15. Although drinking may postpone the pain, it doesn't get rid of it. Please take care of yourself.

[1967]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

this is one hell of a tale!
i read it in the middle of the night last week, when i couldn't sleep.

i think Cinders is right Crown... hit a rehab and stay as long as you can and then line up therapy.
not for you and your girl, just for you for now that is.
it will be worth the effort Crown. It is gonna be hard, why not get some professional help?
at least go see a doc and maybe get on the baclofen? I take an anti depressant called Stablon.
if I drink it somehow doesn't have the same effect.
i feel the buzz a lot quicker and then i sleep for like 3 hours and not again for the rest of the night!
this is a real turn off for me!!
i do sincerely wish you a speedy recovery.
there is a lot you need to get off your back for sure.

[1967]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

oh no!

crown86;752890 wrote: thanks again guys..not doing to well here..the motivation to quit is coming and going...I just got the book for the sinclair method...I have read half the book..came on thursday..it made alot of sense to me and next thing i have to do is get the drug..either go to a doctor famliar with it or river pharmacy online. when I say the motivations comes and goes I mean I know i shouldnt drink but sometimes just dont care. the 30 days i was sober sleep was a koke..never happened..probably withdrawls. My biggest trigger to drink is pain. My fiance coming and going...she tried to hang in there bet hell I hate my life and myself so why would anyone else hang in there? My dog of 15 years I just put down on thursday..been drunk ever since..I need to get the motivation back i had for the 30 days I quit..I need to get the pills for the TSM it will be something to help end this madness.

oh lord i am sorry about the dog!
this has happened to me three times... each time i go back to the bottle.
i can't deal w/dying best friends.
it doesn't make it any easier though...

i am sorry.

and we all often feel this... ' i know i shouldn't drink... but who cares? what difference does it make? will the world be a different place? probably not."
i am right there with you.

see a doctor.
get some meds.
give yourself 30 days of meds and no booze.
then see if life is a little easier on you? i think the answer will be yes.

courage my friend!

[crown86]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

Ok folks..again thansks for the support..yep dog/best friend dying fell hard off the wagon..damn I think my ass is not bruised but broke..LOL I am closing on a peice of jointly owned property with family this saturday..too much internal bickericking..sad to see it go was a very nice place in the mountains but will be happy at the same time. I got the motivation to quit back. I found out about the siclair method and I am going to give it a whirl. I just finished reading the cure to alcholism twice over and for some reason it clicked..yeay this is a disease no Fucking wonder I lose control. But the book motivated me to give the TSM a whirl with the goal of abstinence at the end which honestly right now I cant even imagine. funny the other thing the book helped me with all the shit that has happened realtionship going bad mother terminally for two years and dying business in the tank because of the economy dog dying family squabbles...I use to think these were the reasons I drink..Now i realize nope plenty of these things happen to other people and they dont get bombed out of their minds to deal with it. During these things for me it was just a bad time to be an alcholic.

[changemeforever]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

Wow what a hard read. How do you feel now that it is all out? I kinda feel free having told my story and now dont want to drink. I guess you know what you want. You have to want it bad to stop. Good luck. Take care and lots of love. xxx

[crown86]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

I just started the Sinclair method yesterday and I am feeling very hopeful about it. I drank on it yesterday and today and i am very well aware I am in the honeymoon phase as others have said. The thing that simply amazed me honeymoon or not i was completely set to go one a binge for mostly likely minimum 2 days. Had the ulimate mental trigger for drinking to happen, (which really doesnt matter i drink when happy sad mad and glad) I went to the liquor store for my 2 day supply,(being the good drunk I am I have to stock-up for these binges I NEVER drive drunk) recently quit smoking and said F it got some smokes, I am self employed so work missed for a couple days no prob. I was ready to go to never never land with booze. I had read the book The Cure for Alcholism 3 times over recently. My Naltrexone came Thursday. I know from reading the book there was no overnight cure reduction or simple fix. I wanted some sort of sign anything that this might work. The thing that blew my mind I was so ready to binge. My fiance has dumped me for millionth time, I am a single guy here alone, no kids no anything to stop me. I took my pill one hour before the first drink. I read all the success stories on the TSM site but I kept thinking this not going to do anything for me. Since september I realized I am an alcholic and I have a problem drinking - Once I start I cant stop. I have paid close attention to my drinking I noticed during my first drink of whiskey about 2/3 thirds through the glass like clock work BANG it hits me..i am not stopping..it's the point I dont care and then cant stop. Last night with the Naltrexone..nothing no bang zero...couldnt beleive it and almost still cant. I had 4 drinks total..2 crown on the rock and two beers and was actually drunk. For me that is unheard of yeah mabey like 20 years ago. Today I wake up and Im back to F it..thats a fluke lets go to never never land you got the supplies and the time from noon till 5:30pm I had 5 beers and one whiskey. Beer never does anything it always the whiskey that gives me that bang lets go and cant stop feeling. Again no BANG and all day I nursed 5 beers and just didnt want the whiskey and it was here it's simply amazing to me. I am no fool and am very well aware this is the honeymoon period. Honeymoon period or not Naltrexone and TSM just saved me from 2 days of hell and the depression that follows coming off a binge. It also has given me a strong dose of hope and beleif this is going to work for me. I am happliy chewing on my nicorette typing this..damn smoking thats a whole other story...LOL. I must admit when I first found the TSM info the addict in me was like Hell yeah baby I can still drink and drink like a "normal" person. but after reading the book the Cure for Alcholism and a ton of posts here it dawned on me..LOL Normal people dont think like this to begin with. My ulimate goal is to reach a point where alchol no longer controls me and if that leads to abstienece so be it. I am a classic binge drinker. for me to go 3 -7 days with no booze I can do it..then look out. The 30 plus days i was sober recently was the longest I have gone in what seems like forever. I drank a lot of NA Beer like odouls. It was funny during one of my cravings for a binge I think i drank like 15 or so odouls and I remember my fiance going you better watch those things. I thinking in my mind are you nuts I can drink 80 proof like you drink water and want to soo bad right now you just dont even know..now i have to worry about Odouls But when i think about it being the binge drinker I am I only had to really fight off about 5 or 6 real strong cravings but on the 7th one in denver I caved and caved hard. I am really hoping I can acheive what people are saying about TSM an at some point never have that crazy desire and cave and if I do all I have to do is take a pill so I wont get back to out of control. This small honeymoon as they call it has given me some serious hope and makes me want my life back hard and it has also given me a renewed sense of the stregnth to fight back and not just lay down and die give up to the bottle.

[Rusty]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

Praying for You, Crown

Hello Crown,

Your story is amazing, and I can relate. I broke up with my longtime beau, lost my best friend, my father, and my brother all within 3 years. I was drowning in scotch, too, and my family intervened. They wanted me to go to rehab and that was my wake-up call. I knew I would lose my family and my friends if I didn't get things under control.

I also think rehab is an option for you if you can find one that is not affiliated with AA, which might be tough. The problem is that AA members often feel that AA is the only way and then they get addicted to AA. My issue with AA is that I've had five bad experiences with AA members over the last 20 years, well before I drank, and those experiences were all the same: They talked about people in their groups using first and last names and I thought, where's the ANONYMOUS part of this picture?

When we're drowning in booze, we forget that AL is such a depressant. Any sad thought you will have will only be compounded if you drink. That's what keeps me from overindulging.

You were wise to write a post here as writing is so cathartic and therapeutic. Keep writing and reading and you will find the answers you need.

Good luck and I'll pray for you,

Rusty

[IAD]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

Crown 86........You need to delute your story.......people get tired after awhile! ha! Want to help........just don't want to read too much to get too that . Us drunks have a short attention span ! ha ! Take care ! IAD

[rubywillow]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

Awwh, Crown, the honeymoon, or pink cloud, is wonderful, and we want to tell everyone about it. Thanks for sharing.

[Guest]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

Yes, to read stories we can relate too. I begin to think, no one is as bad as me. Drinking the whiskey. I go buy the bottle to hide, easier than beer, ya it doesn't work anymore. But for some reason, I don't remember, whiskey I will black out on. One moment I am OK< next gone, no memory of what I do, who I call on the phone.
I don't drive either, refuse to end up in jail, or hurt anyone. I 'm so afraid of the legal problems, but have called 911 several times, had police here. How crazy is that!
Have made such a mess in my marriage.
Why can't we get it. It is so simple, just don't buy that bottle. Can't explain to anyone. It is insane.

[crown86]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

Grace

Yep trust me I am as bad as you. relationship gone to hell and over, people around me family friends worried to death over what I might do or say. In my story those were only "some" of the incedences. I could write a 1000 page novel just on the incedences that occured while drunk. Last thanksgiving was pure hell on earth. My perfect storm had just hit mid september - mom died,economy and money and moved to a rural beach town - I was drinking at epic levels. I was at my sisters and we were going with her family to their mountain house for the holiday. My fiance was working and had been out of town for 2 weeks for training. She was so excited to see me and spend the holiday with me. We were planning to leave at 8pm when she got back from training. She got to my sisters house she had toys for my sisters kids a couple nice bottles of wine for my sister and her family. Me, I had been drinking gin and water all day. I get in her car to leave as we are to follow my sister and her husband. I had enough beers and vodka for the 3 hour ride. The exit ramp to the highway is approximatly 5 miles from my sisters house. By the time we got to the exit ramp I was out of control screaming at my fiance and for what I still dont know. She called my sister and said you need to put him in your car. I get out on the side of the road have more words and the fiance is leaving to go home. Right as she was pulling away I went to kick the car missed as I could barley stand and went tumbling down the ditch on the side of the highway. I am physically numb I get in my sisters car and off we go me in the back driking ranting and raving while my neice and nephew are sleeping on each side of me. When we get there my brother-in-law had to drag me out of the car to get me in the house. I couldnt walk I had a badly sprained ankle from my drunken highway ninja kick. The next day and this no BS I ask where is my fiance. Then I get filled in. It was a blur but I was hoping it was a bad dream. The guilt killed me. So what does a guilty alcoholic do? Drink into oblivion to get over the guilt. INSANE yep I definitly know what you mean by INSANE. LOL happy thanksgiving.

Grace I dont know if you tried TSM but I have been on it for a week and have had amazing results. I had every major trigger to drink into a black-out state everday for a week and had every intention of doing so. I had a total of 43 drinks for the week which I know "normal" people would be like WTF. But for me its truly a miracle. I did not black out once and was never out of control. I know this past week I would have been well over 100 drinks. I tried AA is was not for me. I tried cold turkey and "walking the line" made it over 30 days and snapped..and snapped hard. The book "the cure for alcoholism" made perfect sense to me. As for side effects I have only had insomnia which is a small price to pay to be released from hell on earth. to me what ever the side effects were going to be I didnt care. The way I see it if I dont care about the side effects from whiskey- liver damage, blood pressure, the damage to all around me and myself - why should I care about the side effects of something that has a possibility to help me. Last night instead of drinking into a black-out I had 2.5 beers - the 3rd unfinished UNHEARD of - I got a pen and paper out and started putting a plan together to get my life back on track and have the motivation to do so.

I know your pain Grace I can feel it in your post. Its a living hell on earth. I pray you can find a way to help yourself be it aa tsm mwo some of the other drugs mentioned..ANYTHING to stop the insanity of addiction.

[rubywillow]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

Crown, I read the absolute wonder and amazement in your posts. It is crystal clear that you want this badly, and I pray this is your answer. Keep posting here, and join us in other places. Maybe, one day, you will feel strong enough not to take even one drink.
Rubes

[crown86]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

Ruby

Thanks for the support...yep my ulimate goal is to be completely abstinent...I am fully committed to TSM for 9 months which at that point i am going to be totally abstinent NO MATTER WHAT...the pharmalogical extentinction made perfect scientific sense to me after reading the book 3 times over. It also explained to me why I fell off the wagon hard when I went cold turkey for 30+ days.

I was a bad boy last night and had 11 beers..big trigger missing the fiance and guilty over why she left and got word my tax bill on one of my rental properties tripled. I know this sounds crazy but at 11 its an improvement..i was in control no crazy phone calls no black-out and last night would been 20+ nite.

I feel in my bones TSM will work, I pray to god it works, thanks again for your support

[agapanthus]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

IAD;765966 wrote: Crown 86........You need to delute your story.......people get tired after awhile! ha! Want to help........just don't want to read too much to get too that . Us drunks have a short attention span ! ha ! Take care ! IAD

I support him in pouring his heart out...

[crown86]

Drowning in Crown Royal Lake

agapanthus

LOL cant argue with him..posted this before I really knew forum edicate and a thing called hmm PARAGRAPHS..LOL