HiI am 1 week sober again after a 10 day bender. The fact that I am over the withdrawals is great and I am back in AA which helps, but I am caught up in a vicous cycle of drinking to cope with consequences of past benders. I went from daily drinking, to trying to control it, then trying abstinence. However, abstinence is very hard whenyou have to take on the real world again without the confidence that alcohol immediately gives me.
High range PCA (again) in a black-out - don't even recall getting in the car! Finding new work, trying to get my fitness and motivation back and alienation from parents and siblings.
All the "yets" that I never thought would happen to me. Have to remember that 1 is too many and 1000 is not enough. Try telling my psyche this though! It tells me if I just have "one" (probably equal to someone else's three) that I will be brave again to start on my problems but inevitably I wake up the next day with an empty bottle and a heart full of regret and the horror of having to try and start over again.
God it is hard. My doctor says I am the most hard-wired alky he has met and I am only 38yrs. My uncle died of alcoholism last week at 50. My family do not want me at the funeral in case I cause a drunken scene.
Fortunately my 6yr old son has never seen me drunk except one night when I fell out of bed seizuring. My partner is a sober alky - no drink for 13 years - a lot to live up to!
The biggest problem is the stress of those around me. Alcohol has had a profound effect not just on me but all of those who care about me.
At least I still have all of my own teeth!
High range PCA (again) in a black-out - don't even recall getting in the car! Finding new work, trying to get my fitness and motivation back and alienation from parents and siblings.
All the "yets" that I never thought would happen to me. Have to remember that 1 is too many and 1000 is not enough. Try telling my psyche this though! It tells me if I just have "one" (probably equal to someone else's three) that I will be brave again to start on my problems but inevitably I wake up the next day with an empty bottle and a heart full of regret and the horror of having to try and start over again.
God it is hard. My doctor says I am the most hard-wired alky he has met and I am only 38yrs. My uncle died of alcoholism last week at 50. My family do not want me at the funeral in case I cause a drunken scene.
Fortunately my 6yr old son has never seen me drunk except one night when I fell out of bed seizuring. My partner is a sober alky - no drink for 13 years - a lot to live up to!
The biggest problem is the stress of those around me. Alcohol has had a profound effect not just on me but all of those who care about me.
At least I still have all of my own teeth!
In the mean time, I work on focusing on all the good that is coming to me through being AF. I continue to be grateful everyday to be going to bed in the evening with a clear recollection of my day, and waking up hangover free! I wish you well.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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