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Gypsi's Story

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    Gypsi's Story

    My story is long. Starts over thirty years ago, at age eight, when I found my mother the morning after she committed suicide because her doctor told her that if she didn?t quit drinking, she would die. Back in those days, there was no such thing as the MWO program. As excited as I am to have found it, part of me grieves for her, that she never had anything but guilt and recriminations for her choices, with no way out other than suicide ?

    Seeing my mother that day, laying on the floor, covered in piss and shit and vomit, dead, made me make a vow to myself that I would never, ever allow myself to be like her. Strange how genetics work, isn?t it? For all my good intentions and promises made, I still ended up traveling the same road she did.

    Of course, it didn?t start off that way. Just started off as a teenager looking for a good time. Tried the marijuana, but was allergic. Tried beer, and wow! What a rush that was! Started off just partying on the weekends, sober during the week. Then my daughter was born (I was 19), and within the first three days of her life, died five times. Husband at the time was more concerned with working instead of supporting his wife, so I was left to cope with two children under the age of two, one of which was on a heart monitor. Drinking moved from the weekends only to a large bottle of cheap wine every night (good ole Carlo Rossi), sometimes two.
    When daughter was a year and a half old, spouse and I split up. His mommy bought him a fancy attorney, and he got sole custody of my kids. I moved from Vermont to California in an effort to start over. Of course, the drinking habit followed right along with me ?

    As it did every time I moved to another part of the US. No matter how hard I tried to outrun it, there it was whenever I turned around. Lived in Maine, went to basic training in Florida (really learned how to drink there), and finally landed in Alaska. Beautiful place, so much room, so many bars to choose from! I did ok for a while, and then I got ?the letter.? This letter started years of pain for me, as it contained information on my daughter?s whereabouts. She was in state?s custody because, as I later found out, her father had been molesting her and her brother since about six months after I left them!! I spent the next 13 years trying to get them both back, but the state decided that I was the bad parent, and they were raised in the system.

    So, how do you combat the pain of all of that? You got it ? drink, every night until you can?t feel, can?t think anymore.
    Interestingly enough, throughout this time, I held jobs, got married again, all the ?normal? things that people do. And the entire time, I drank, every night, to the point of pass-out.

    Then came this year, 2006 ?
    Graduated from college with an associate?s in computers. Couldn?t get a job, because I ran right smack into the age and gender discrimination wall. Strike one.
    Spent more time in the hospital than I care to remember, watching my dad slowly die from cancer, inch by agonizing inch. Strike two.
    In July, Dad finally gave it up and passed away. Siblings that I hadn?t seen since they were babies flew up for his funeral. Drinking still, every night, except much, much more than I ever had before. Strike three (but still not out yet!)
    Funeral?s over, siblings are gone, and I?m left with the pieces of my life. Very depressed, so what do ya do? Why, go drinking of course!

    Except that just wasn?t working like it used to. No matter how much I drank, I couldn?t make the pain of his passing go away. So, one day, I was looking through my bookmarks, and stumbled across the MWO program, again. I?d lurked in here before, but I guess I just wasn?t ready then. I started lurking, and it wasn?t too long before I realized that it was time. Time to either stand up for myself and make the changes that needed to be made, or ?check out? like my mother did. To be honest, it wasn?t an easy decision. It took me over a month to decide that suicide wouldn?t be my option, at least not yet. I figured I?d try the program, see what happens. And I?m really, really glad I did.

    Even though I?ve not yet been able to get more than two days sober at a time, that?s still way more than what I?ve accomplished in all my years of heavy drinking. Coming here, reading other?s stories gives me hope and helps me to realize that I can do this thing, no matter how many times I fall down.

    So, that?s my story. Sad, yes, but I think we all have sad stories to tell. And if it helps another ?lurker? out there decide to get off the wall, and make the same commitment to themselves, then I have accomplished my purpose, as well as giving myself some much-needed healing. :heart:
    :teeter:

    #2
    Gypsi's Story

    Gypsi, I do not even know what to say to your story. Really, really, really sad. I can say that I am so glad you found this site and are wanting to make a change. A lot of drinkers do not want to make a change and they die from it, as my dad did at the age of 52. I am sorry for all of the horrible things that have happened to you. Make me realize my problems are not that bad. I hope you do well with MWO.
    I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

    Comment


      #3
      Gypsi's Story

      Thanks, Lush. Please don't be sad - after all, I found this place, didn't I?
      :teeter:

      Comment


        #4
        Gypsi's Story

        suddenly i feel like a wussy for feeling sorry for myself. my boss once did this excersize in a meeting.
        put all your worries and troubles in a bag and you all throw them out into the middle of the floor.now go pick one up,whos bag do you choose?everyone picked their own,who knows whats going on in somone elses life.
        just a thought for the next time someone is rude to you,maybe it is someone just haveing more troubles than you.im so glad you have come aroud to telling your story tyvm.

        Comment


          #5
          Gypsi's Story

          Nope, sorry mojomuppet, no wussies allowed in here. It's perfectly ok to feel sorry for yourself whenever you've a need to.
          Everyone has a story,and they are all valid. I was reading someone's thread the other day where they shared a bible verse, and boy oh boy, is it ever true in my life -

          "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it."
          I Corinthians 10:13
          :teeter:

          Comment


            #6
            Gypsi's Story

            hi gypsi - i just want to say that the custody thing WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. the family law system is biased towards money and men. i'm learning this the hard way and trying to get thru the exact same thing...

            Comment


              #7
              Gypsi's Story

              Hi Gypsy. Thanks for sharing your story... You've got some tuff skin girl. Not like ya had a choice in the matter... But they say "God never gives ya more than you can handle" (I'd like to have a 1 on 1 talk w/ the SOB one o these days myself...!more than likely, ... my time will come!) There are those times....

              I do pray... but I do have my questions... I guess it's good to question ... ... But have hope & faith... it never hurts...:h

              Hugs, Judie
              The only thing worth stealing is a kiss...:flower: zwink:

              Comment


                #8
                Gypsi's Story

                Sorry, Gypsy, I get a kinda closed fisted sometimes ... it's just .....we've all got our different levels of what we can accept.
                I'm so sorry for what you've been thru. In my previous post I didn't mean to seam flipant... I was just so blown away.

                But there really is SOO MUCH BEAUTY in this world. There was a time... I found it hard to see,... but it is there. In every tree, in every blossom, in every giggle on a new baby's face...:l :h
                The only thing worth stealing is a kiss...:flower: zwink:

                Comment


                  #9
                  Gypsi's Story

                  Gypsy,
                  I am so glad you found this site as well! You are so right about that verse you posted. It does not say there will be no pain, sorrow or temptation, but that He will provide a way of escape. Often times we dont take the way provided. You are such a strong person and sounds like you are still young and you NEVER know what great things can still happen in the future with your relationships with your children. Take care of YOU right now and the rest will work itself out in time. Your children have been hurt deeply too by the pain of their own lives, but just as your pain drove you to something good, it can happen to them too. They may find much hope for themselves when they begin to see a spark of joy and life in you as a result of getting better. Even if you dont see them any now, you never know when the phone will ring. Its never too late to influence our children for the good and in a positive way.

                  So glad you are here with us and you shared your story. No doubt at all that it will touch every person who reads it. Nothing worse than feeling you are "the only one" and alone. I think you are going to find a whole new life awaits you! I write this as a sit in the hospital room with my Mom who started aggressive chemotherapy today. I am sure this site will be my best friend today! Its painful to witness suffering, but I am so glad there is a "way of escape" that is better than drinking. MWO has been that way.

                  All the best,
                  Allie
                  What happens in Vegas goes straight to Ohio....

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Gypsi's Story

                    Gypsi,

                    Thanks for sharing your story!

                    I love having you here:l
                    :h :h :h :h

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Gypsi's Story

                      Me too Gypsi. You have been a shining star here. I am so glad you have joined us. Stay close ok?
                      Thanks for sharing with us.
                      Love Jen
                      Over 4 months AF :h

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