:new:Hi,
I started drinking when I was 15, it was something all the cool kids were doing and I needed to fit in. At this stage drinking was confined to Friday and Saturday nights. Once I left school and went to college all hell broke loose and I started drinking most nights in bars and clubs. When you are young no one seems to think much of this behaviour as long as you are passing.
And then the drinking just continued and continued. I have a good job, beautiful wife and kids and I still carry on like I did then. I have a play hard work hard attitude which I have lived by and it has made me excel at work. My wife has got to a point where she was happy for me to drink at home so she didn?t have to worry about me. I tend to go for one drink after work and come home at 6 in the morning. I am 34 now at I can?t continue down this road.
I used to wish I was normal like other people. I have spent nights in jail and hospital throughout my life and somehow always thought they were funny, and they are part of my drinking stories. When things are bad a couple of drinks really eases the pain.
I have tried to stop drinking before on a few occasions and have failed. I have been to the AA only to discover this was not for me. I was the youngest there by about 15 years and everyone kept asking me if I really needed to be there. So the AA is not for me. Today is day 6 of not drinking and have every intention of succeeding this time.
The compounding guilt I feel at the moment for everything I have done to family and friends is overwhelming. I was so happy to find this forum where I can share and be a part of a group with the same goals. I have told a few people besides my family that I am not drinking anymore and the reaction from everyone including my family is cool. I am by nature a very quite person who does not share unless I have had been drinking so I think it makes it a little harder as well when no one asks how you are doing, as I don?t openly share.
At the end of the day, I am doing this for myself and its up to me to succeed. I am just waiting for that horrible beast inside my head to start filling my mind with all the lies about how I do not actually have a drinking problem. That will be true test to how determined I am. To get through it I have made lists of why I need to stop drinking. Anyway, right now I am not thinking about the future I am just thinking about getting through each day.
I started drinking when I was 15, it was something all the cool kids were doing and I needed to fit in. At this stage drinking was confined to Friday and Saturday nights. Once I left school and went to college all hell broke loose and I started drinking most nights in bars and clubs. When you are young no one seems to think much of this behaviour as long as you are passing.
And then the drinking just continued and continued. I have a good job, beautiful wife and kids and I still carry on like I did then. I have a play hard work hard attitude which I have lived by and it has made me excel at work. My wife has got to a point where she was happy for me to drink at home so she didn?t have to worry about me. I tend to go for one drink after work and come home at 6 in the morning. I am 34 now at I can?t continue down this road.
I used to wish I was normal like other people. I have spent nights in jail and hospital throughout my life and somehow always thought they were funny, and they are part of my drinking stories. When things are bad a couple of drinks really eases the pain.
I have tried to stop drinking before on a few occasions and have failed. I have been to the AA only to discover this was not for me. I was the youngest there by about 15 years and everyone kept asking me if I really needed to be there. So the AA is not for me. Today is day 6 of not drinking and have every intention of succeeding this time.
The compounding guilt I feel at the moment for everything I have done to family and friends is overwhelming. I was so happy to find this forum where I can share and be a part of a group with the same goals. I have told a few people besides my family that I am not drinking anymore and the reaction from everyone including my family is cool. I am by nature a very quite person who does not share unless I have had been drinking so I think it makes it a little harder as well when no one asks how you are doing, as I don?t openly share.
At the end of the day, I am doing this for myself and its up to me to succeed. I am just waiting for that horrible beast inside my head to start filling my mind with all the lies about how I do not actually have a drinking problem. That will be true test to how determined I am. To get through it I have made lists of why I need to stop drinking. Anyway, right now I am not thinking about the future I am just thinking about getting through each day.
ray:
Comment