I have been married to an amazing husband for over 6 years. From the time we met were meant for each other. I loved drinkinking, having wine, going to nice restaurants, etc. He did too, only that he never overdrank. I would always get drunk. He came from a family of non drinkers, alcohol was not really important. I came from a family were good wine or a good grapa was important but no one ever got drunk.
I went to college in Paris and I drank a lot over there, but because of my family history and background I just thouty it was college, problaby my mom did it too (she never did). My single years in the US I kept on drinking "socially" (doing my MBA), I lived alone and knew few people so for me "socially" meant talking to people on the phone even though I was alone at home.
I married mr. perfect and had two beautiful sons. I love my sons to death and they are the main reason i visited this website. I didnt dirnk when I was pregnant with my first son, but i was unable to breastfeed so I was able to resume drinking. After 9 months it started gradually, I even thought that i had become mature and learnt to drink. I didnt. Soon I started drinking a lot. Never everyday, never during the day. Always at night when the baby was sleeping. Always knowiung that my husband was around so thta he would wake up if he cried (I would be too passed up to hear him). He didnt understand how I would get so drunk if we would drink the same (for him it was a few drinks at night to release tension and to talk, and also to have some cigarettes) he didint know I always kept some hidden bottles to get me when i wanted to get.. I got sooooo sick of it, that i decied to get pregnant right away, only because i loved how i felt when i got pregnant with our first son. I did, and i loved the next 10 months of our life. I loved being pregnant again and gaining control of my life.
Now our new son is 13 months and I am desperate to get pregnant again because I love babies (but because i need to get sober) I know i can do it pregnant, i have proved it. I am an excelente mom. I work part time. I dedicate my afternoons to my boys doing things I know they love. I do not allow yelling in my house, I do not find excuses for my self for being hang over, I can be dyeing but I do activities for them. My life is my boys and my husband, the last one who by the way happens to love me, everyone thinks we are a beautiful and loving family. it is funny to say, but sooo many of friends keep on saying how much they envy us. We are a beautiful family. My husband is very successful, I work part time doing something I love (it doesnt make me much money but i dont really need it), we do soooo much together!!!. Unfurtunaly, I tried once to tell my husband i had a problem. he just said that i needed to learn to drink, that i was not 21 anymore and that I needed to change my choise of drinks beacuse obviouly wine wasnt working for me any more!!!. i know i have a problema but i come from a ver conservative family where an alcohol problem is not normal. i need to be a moderate drinker. I will buy all the cds, and do anything that it takes to get thete. Please I need some one to tell me this is possible. I have tried for the past 6 months writing my drinking etc, but i dont seem to be goo. But this site seems good. The holidays are here. I dont want remorse over the holidays, I want it to be all about the kids. I love my boys, I really do. and my husband!! You have not idea whatan amazing man he is. The boys and I are always first, he does everything for us, EVERYTHING. He just shose to believe I dont have a probrem and I need to resolve this by myself!! please help
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