I like to drink. I like it because of the warm feeling in my tummy. I like it because of the gentle buzz it it gives me. Mostly I like it because it makes me feel like I can cope, and even excel.
I don't drink to get drunk. In fact, I hate getting drunk. I try to moderate my daily drinking to just maintain the "superwoman" feeling throughout the day. This ends up being 5-7 vodkas per day.
I drink everyday, from morning to night. My drink of choice is Vodka and water. Just typing it is making my mouth water.
If I am working, I can't drink until I get home. As a result, I find I can't concentrate at work because all I am thinking about is getting home and having that 1st drink.
I haven't had a drink yet today and I've already yelled at my husband, which I do not like to do.
I found this website and was moderately excited. I want to be the kind of person that does not need to drink, does not drink daily, or even weekly for that matter. I want to CONTROL it, and learn to manage my feelings in other ways. I just don't know how.
I have 3 children, one with Aspergers and I work full time in a fairly stressful occupation. Guilt is my constant companion. Guilt for not being at home with the kids, guilt for drinking, guilt for being less than the description of the perfect mother I have in my head. I have guilt for several failed attempts at quitting.
I know I have to stop, I can see the effects of heavy drinking slowly creeping up on me. It is my BIG DIRTY secret that only my husband knows. Slowly I feel like I am drifting away from friends and family to avoid being discovered.
So thats it. Thats me. Thanks for reading.
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