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    Arggghhhh

    Hi, My name is John...and I have serious drink problem..

    I just typed tons to post and then my session timed out....so I will have to do it all again....!

    But gonna type it in Word and then paste it in here?.

    I am 48, married with 2 girls, 16 and 17. My marriage is on the rocks, I have been sleeping in the spare room for the last week.
    I have been drinking since I was 15, my father was a heavy drinker and my mum divorced him 5 years before his early death at 67?he died though a smoking related disease.

    I seem to be following in his footsteps, my father?s drinking got worse as he got older and the 4 of us kids grew up. I used to see him in some right tearful states whilst drinking the whisky with his red eyes?he used to argue with me till the early hours and was a mean man without emotion. He would say things to me that would feel as if he was sticking a knife into me.

    I drink every day?.never in the mornings?only at nights, it starts around 5pm?earlier at weekends. I drink alone?..or visit friends who I know have a plentiful supply

    I normally get through 10 or 12 cans and then I am still thirsty.

    My father in law is Italian and makes his own wine?so there is a plentiful supply of that and I can easily get through 3 bottles a night. I am not one for spirits, whisky brandy etc?.but will drink anything when thirsty.

    I am a self employed electrician, I do OK?but lose many days off work and have to make pathetic excuses to my customers instead of telling them?..I am too hung over to drive or work. I ignore the phone and do not answer the door

    I don?t get headaches??but around 11am in the mornings I get the shakes and sometimes anxiety attacks where I feel as if I will collapse. My heart races and I sweat heavily. I have been out shopping and thought I would collapse in the supermarket; sometimes my balance is way off?.

    I have been to the Doctors, and had counselling but neither worked. I have attended several AA meetings and listened to the preamble and awful stories and walked out and bought some beer before I came out. I remember one meeting that I attended and I was looking at my watch, knowing that the beer shops close in 10 minutes and that I had to hurry?..

    My wife does not drink,?.apart from the odd Martini, and the occasional glass of wine?.I drink wine like beer and can empty a bottle in 4 glasses and then want more.
    We have had friend?s round for a meal and I take the plates into the kitchen and grab an extra drink as they were drinking too slow?and always drink after they leave.

    I am at the bottom of the lift shaft and cannot climb out, drink is ruining my life, my relationships with my wife and kids and friends, my job and my health.
    I just wish I could control it?.but it controls me?.

    If anyone wants to chat on Skype, my details are in my profile, or any advice would be good.

    I just don?t see a way out???

    JohnB

    #2
    Arggghhhh

    :welcome:

    Hi JohnB:

    There is a way out. You just stepped onto the landing by posting here.

    I can identify with your situation. The anxiety, the shakes, the quantity you drink, the depression. Been there thousands of times.

    Take a little time to check out the FAQ on the top forum section. Take your time and read the stories.

    Everyone seems to drink a little differently, but everyone here wants to get away from hopelessness.

    I'm 50 year old guy, that started at 16 years old drinking hard. I was absolutely convinced several times that I would never be able to stop for any length of time.

    Now going over 9 months clean and sober, and I stopped smoking cigarettes too!!

    I never went to an AA meeting, because they were not for me. I found a different way on my own, and just found this sight a few weeks ago for the support and motivation to keep on. It's helped in ways I cannot describe, so take heart man.

    Welcome, and know that there is hope to put it all back together.

    Neil

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      #3
      Arggghhhh

      Hiya John, please stick around mate and read as much as you can....This place can help you so much....I'm from Old Trafford....But i live in The Lakes now......Your the only other mancunian i've seen on here.
      Good luck mate and like i said.....Post & Read......Macks:welcome:
      I don't care who you are...Your not walking on water while i'm fishing..
      One drink is too many... A thousand is never enough...Sober since July 2nd 2009

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        #4
        Arggghhhh

        Thank you

        thanks for your kind replies....

        It is around 11.30 and i am reasonably sober...

        I will keep checking in on the site...it is avery lonely life being an alchoholic...which I admit I am.

        It is only when you are in the pitts of dispair that you search for answers, and hopefully I will find them.

        JohnB

        Comment


          #5
          Arggghhhh

          Don't have any answers

          All I can tell you is that I feel your pain. I have an enormous capacity for alcohol. I have been drinking heavily since age 16...39 now. I have had times when I get those anxiety attacks and shakes....thinking you are going to die...like a heart attack or something. I have been able to slow down...a little...and the anxiety does seem to go away. I do get a anxious if I go 4/5 days AF. I can;t sleep. From what I read on here it seems pretty normal. I really want to go a weekend w/o any booze. Unlike you I'll drink anything. I think if I could get through one full week w/o anything...I could make it. But I just can't talk myself into doing it. I always find an excuse to drink..then before long I'm drunk...again. Good luck.. I am here if you need to talk

          Brian

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            #6
            Arggghhhh

            Hi Brian,

            Yep i also drink anything, I will drink anything on offer..and when everything is gone....i search the house for anything that is in...which is rare as i have mostly drunk it....but I have found the odd bottle of cheap champagne.....

            If nothing in the house...i will call at friends......one who I think has the same problem as me....and always has a full fridge.

            I can have my fill and walk home........funny but I do not stagger...and most people think it is strange that I talk sense even though I have drunk doulble what they have.......(my tolerance must be hugh after the years of abuse)

            my wife knows that if anything comes into this house that contains alchohol.....thaen i will drink it...full stop.

            I know wht you mean about going the 5 days......i sometimes feel like I will die......and then at the nightime have just the one drink.....and then another. i always find the excuse......and let people, mainly myself, down.

            I feel i should be locked up in a cell for 7 days to do without.....

            i have drank no wine for several days....just on beer....8 cans so far (but have another 6 in the garage which will temp all night)

            I am trying to get back into work, which helps.....even though every night the first thing i do when i walk in through the door is have a drink.........and then another and then another

            I think that you, like me.....have come to forums like this to find the answer......and maybe we can.

            I always think of myself being weak....but inside I know I am a strong person.....I have had great times in my life and happiness without the booze.

            there is a good person is all of us waiting to get out.....but that person is too drunk to emerge...

            Yep....the anxiety....and the feelings that you are gonna die and the racing heart.......very frightening....I have been there many times...

            But I have decide to do something........Phil Collins once sung these words...in a song he sang whilst in the group Genisis...


            Beware the fisherman who's casting out his line
            Into a dried up river bed,
            But don't try to tell him 'cos he won't believe you.
            Throw some bread to the ducks instead, it's easier that way.
            I feel like an alien, a stranger in an alien place.

            The trees and I are shaken by the same wind but whereas
            The trees will lose their withered leaves,
            I just can't seem to let them loose.
            And they can't refresh me those hot winds of the south.
            I feel like an alien, a stranger in an alien place.

            In many ways...I have felt like an alien....beacuse i am different and have hollow legs.....!!!

            And i would drink all the leftovers after parties....

            maybe time to go and throw some bread to the ducks.....and take account of our lives....

            take care,,,


            JohnB

            Comment


              #7
              Arggghhhh

              Dear John and Brian,
              You both sound like wonderfully caring, intelligent men who are on the very brink of breaking out of this cycle. I, too, had to almost lose it all (family, job, house...) to get that smack in the face to change my pattern. I laid in bed and cried for 2 weeks. Then it got better. And better. And I got stronger. And stronger. And I gained strength and knowledge from the people here and the program and gained the little extra push from the supps and the topa and some counselling and my doctor.
              Sure I still have a stumble every now and again, but it's no where near that beginning phase, and I certainly relate to your beginning steps with all my heart and soul.
              You can both do this! My hubby always used to wonder where "that bottle of ____ went"??? And "who drank this???" hmmmm. ugh.
              There is hope! Keep doing it.
              I've been here since Feb. My life and my relationship with alcohol is different. Yours will be too. You are right, you are NOT weak!
              Strap on those running shoes, Brian! Let's hit the pavement. John, we are nice aliens here who have found a path to turning this space ship away from the black hole.
              I wish you both the very best. You sound very ready and willing and wonderful!!!

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