I just typed tons to post and then my session timed out....so I will have to do it all again....!
But gonna type it in Word and then paste it in here?.
I am 48, married with 2 girls, 16 and 17. My marriage is on the rocks, I have been sleeping in the spare room for the last week.
I have been drinking since I was 15, my father was a heavy drinker and my mum divorced him 5 years before his early death at 67?he died though a smoking related disease.
I seem to be following in his footsteps, my father?s drinking got worse as he got older and the 4 of us kids grew up. I used to see him in some right tearful states whilst drinking the whisky with his red eyes?he used to argue with me till the early hours and was a mean man without emotion. He would say things to me that would feel as if he was sticking a knife into me.
I drink every day?.never in the mornings?only at nights, it starts around 5pm?earlier at weekends. I drink alone?..or visit friends who I know have a plentiful supply
I normally get through 10 or 12 cans and then I am still thirsty.
My father in law is Italian and makes his own wine?so there is a plentiful supply of that and I can easily get through 3 bottles a night. I am not one for spirits, whisky brandy etc?.but will drink anything when thirsty.
I am a self employed electrician, I do OK?but lose many days off work and have to make pathetic excuses to my customers instead of telling them?..I am too hung over to drive or work. I ignore the phone and do not answer the door
I don?t get headaches??but around 11am in the mornings I get the shakes and sometimes anxiety attacks where I feel as if I will collapse. My heart races and I sweat heavily. I have been out shopping and thought I would collapse in the supermarket; sometimes my balance is way off?.
I have been to the Doctors, and had counselling but neither worked. I have attended several AA meetings and listened to the preamble and awful stories and walked out and bought some beer before I came out. I remember one meeting that I attended and I was looking at my watch, knowing that the beer shops close in 10 minutes and that I had to hurry?..
My wife does not drink,?.apart from the odd Martini, and the occasional glass of wine?.I drink wine like beer and can empty a bottle in 4 glasses and then want more.
We have had friend?s round for a meal and I take the plates into the kitchen and grab an extra drink as they were drinking too slow?and always drink after they leave.
I am at the bottom of the lift shaft and cannot climb out, drink is ruining my life, my relationships with my wife and kids and friends, my job and my health.
I just wish I could control it?.but it controls me?.
If anyone wants to chat on Skype, my details are in my profile, or any advice would be good.
I just don?t see a way out???
JohnB
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