My story

[sick of being sick]

I have been an insulin dependent diabetic for 44 years, in and out of hospitals (I've been in many comas where I should have died but didn't?) and I caused much family turmoil. I was always a big problem to my parents and my brother and sister because of the constant attention I required. Both my parents were alcoholics. My Mother was a constant worrier, my father had a violent temper and my siblings were jealous of the attention I got. When I was about 7, I was sexually assaulted. Didn't know anything about sex but I kept the shame for many years. When I was 17, I got married and I started smoking pot frequently with him. He was extremely jealous and possessive and controlling. I had 2 children, but they didn't seem to fill that empty hole in me. I began seeing a therapist, got on a lot of medication and ended up attempting to commit suicide. After 10 years, I went through a terrible divorce fighting for custody of my children. Then I met my second husband who was a Christian and I started going to Church. We were extremely happy for the first year until someone introduced us to crack cocaine. After 3 years, 3 mos of rehab and a lot of financial and legal problems, we stopped by the grace of God and got back in Church. Ten years later we moved to the country where I have no family or friends and we started drinking more and more. We have been drinking over a fifth of vodka each for 5+ years every night until we pass out. I drink because I live in constant pain, it is a sleep aid and my husband is an alcoholic. I have been 5 days without alcohol and I am so thankful to have found this site where there are so many caring people to encourage me. It is truly a lifeline for me! For the first time in a long time, I feel hope about my future and look forward to being happy again. Please continue to pray for us, Vicki and Paul. God bless each one of you.